Yesterday my car wouldn't start. I suspected that it was the battery because it wasn't clicking like a normal dead battery clicks. So I looked it up on you tube. It still seemed to b the battery but if not I thought that it might b either the starter or alternator. Possibly the neutral safety switch on my clutch. As it was dead as a door nail, I couldn't get it to the garage so I figured start w the easiest thing first...that being the battery. I got a ride to buy one at the second place I called because the first place was 75 dollars more and my hubby would flip if I paid that much for a battery. Got it last night but it was already very late and raining. My daughters boyfriend wanted to put it in but I didn't want him out there in that mess. He worked early this am so I told him no that I could do it. Ira had a small used car dealership and in the past few years I learned quite a lot from him as he was the eyes and knowledge and I was the muscle. So I changed a lot of batteries in the past. However this was the first one on my own. I kept thinking "red=positive right? Black=negative? Yes. But I like black so how could that b negative? Wait it's not what I like...yes black=negative." Apparently it's important that you get the right cable on the right post! Lol! Anywho, this morning I called off work as there is some legal stuff I need to take care of that I keep putting off and just was very weepy. First day in a little while that I have felt so down but things keep piling up. So early this morn I sat in Iras chair with my sweet compassionate dog and let the tears flow and had a good old fashioned pity party for myself. The phone rang. I hadn't heard from his brother since a few days after the funeral. He's a good guy and offers to help but he's always so busy so I don't ask for anything. He said he had some tomatoes for me and I told him to put them on the back steps by the new battery. He asked if I needed help and I stubbornly said no. I know I should have said yes but stupid pride always kicks in. It was hard talking to him because he really reminds me of Ira and I was already a sloppy mess. I know it was Iras doing in bringing him my way at just the time I needed him. But I told Ira (yes I still discuss w him!) that I could do it myself and he should save him for something I truly may need in the future. I really have plenty of people I could have asked but I was just being difficult. Anyway after the pity party, I shook my head, washed my face and thought to myself better get to it. So I went in the grange and lugged the socket sets to the car found the right one and preceded to change that damn battery. I called my daughter out to watch and learn and actually lift the darn thing in and out as they can be quite heavy. To her amazement it fired right up stronger than ever! I let out a woot woot and said there b$&?h mess with me now!!! She laughed. I said watch and learn girl. A lot of things you can do yourself. My Mom always said you must because you can't depend on a man all the time as they may leave you one way or the other. I slammed the hood with quite the feeling of accomplishment looked up and thanked Ira for teaching me the basics to b on my own and took the dog for a test drive! Lol! I'm still going to take it to the garage this week for a tune up. So here I am in the midst of my day off feeling much better than when I crawled out of bed with that dreaded emptiness in my heart. Oh it's still there but we must go on. I guess it's okay to backslide sometimes but u always have to look for that tiny glimmer of hope. My glimmer today was the bright lights on the dash board of my car saying way to go mama! U fixed me! Lol! Thanks everyone for reading this long post but I knew you would understand how such a small step leads to the next and hopefully someday away from this fog and into the light of chapter two. I don't want to go without him but he's not here physically anymore so I can't stay here without him either. Regardless what I do, he'll always b in my heart!
Love to all! Have a great day!
Darcie