Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
This is something that many of you would not like to hear,,but here it goes,,,I wish, so wish that it was me that passed and not him...sorry, but I wish it was me...He is in peace and I am not.,,,I envy my Bill, he is rested, I am tormented...I am left with emptiness, sorrow, fear, anxiety and he is at rest,,going on a year and no calmless in sight...lucky him...I know this sounds selfish but let it be..Bill would be tormetnted with my loss, but selfish me would rather it be because this is so horrifying I don't care. One year later and I am still unrested, searching for him, longing to hear his voice,,total torment and I hate it...so, I have a day here and there that I may feel good,,,so what,,,it doesn't stay long. Still longing, searching for him...when oh when does this torment stop,,sorry for the rant,,maybe a full moon or the holiday..but whatever...The nightmate continutes
Leave your door open, Dad...something tells me she is going to need that in times to come.
IS horrible. I was doing better before the one year mark, then downhill I went. I HAD to see my doctor. I didn't know what else I could do. It has helped me a lot but I still have breakdowns, but I am able to control them better.
Your thought is from missing him so much. Did you ever have that talk, wish we would go together from this world? We did. I know I must move on. If I could change anything, I'd change that my husband ever had cancer. That's what i'd make different because that is what took his life...took away his life even while he lived, then it was all over. I laid beside him waiting on everyone to show, Hospice, Sheriff, Funeral home personnel to take him away.
I didn't want them to take him away. But I knew that was unreal of me to think that could happen.
So our minds are very active when we hurt and they can really create so much emotional havoc.
Please try to think of this logically after a crying spell. I try that now and it seems to help. I hope it will help you as well.
I wish things were different for us both. Unfortunately they aren't and I must say myself, I hate death. Have seen too much of it.
Take care of yourself.
Letty
I was 16 years older than her and it was supposed to be
me and that is what we expected. But I did live in fear
the past few years of leaving her alone to have to deal
with grief and all that goes with it. To be honest, I had
been exposed to death in my life but I never really
understood grief. I always created some type of
disassociation with the process that likely originated
during my military service during the Vietnam days.
Now, I truly know what grief is like and, now, I understood
what my wife was gong through with the loss of her
beloved aunt and her father. I didn't understand it at the
time ( disassociation ).
this is so painful that I know I would not want my wife to
have to suffer like this. I would not want her to have to
sit and wait for the phone to ring and for me to arrive
home from work and so forth while knowing it would
never happen. She will never have to sit and be filled
with worry and anxiety and a totally broken heart that
it is impossible to mend. She will never have to arrange
my funeral or attend my funeral. She will never to have
shed even one tear for me as I shed constant tears for
her not being here.
I just would not want her to suffer like this. The thought
of her suffering like this is almost unbearable.
It means I have to go into the future hour by hour and
day by day and week by week without her but I know she
is not suffering like this. I also believe I shall see her
again and she will be glad to see me. I am holding on to
that as tight as I can.
Blessings to all -
Darrell