Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members
19,465 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Repeating the Timeline

laurabp
laurabp
Those of you who have been widowed for a few years may be able to relate to this - every few years the date rolls around where it matches the original date and day of the week of your loss. This year it is happening to me and it really bothering me. I lost my husband Stan on Friday, December 5, 2008; he was in the hospital for a week before he died and Thanksgiving was our last holiday together. Every year since then I have had to get past Dec 5 to feel like decorating and preparing for Christmas, but I am especially having a hard time this year; seems like I just keep re-living that last week in my mind every day. I mentioned it to a couple of friends but they just don't "get it", so I gave up expecting anyone to understand. I know that you people here get it, and I just needed to be able to talk about it to someone. For those of you who are newly widowed, my deepest sympathy and believe me when I say that it does get better with time. However, we never seem to "get over it" and the holidays are hard. Thanks for "listening" everyone.
praised
praised
It has been sixteen months and I still relive the week before he passed away. He had not been attending church for months because he didn't want the members to see how much weight he had lost, so I suggested we go to another church and he enjoyed himself so much. On Monday he wanted to go to the emergency room and he didn't decided he didn't want to wait. Tuesday we went for chemo and on Wednesday, he started to shut down, he didn't eat, he didn't talk. He just laid on the couch with his hands folded. Friday, he wanted his brother to bring him some food. He took one bite and visited with him. Saturday morning, my daughters came over and spoke to him. I went downstairs and when I came upstairs to watch TV with him, he was gone. I never stopped sleeping in our bed and didn't change the sheets for days. I play that video over and over, not as much as I did. But the memories will always be there.
cleodoggie
cleodoggie
Jim died on April 17, 2009 so it's been five years . That date April 17 was the date that I gave birth to our youngest daughter and I almost lost my life. Then Jim dies on the same date. Our daughter of course was quite upset about him dying on her birthday. The first few years we didn't celebrate her birthday and now the last few we have. I have to be happy for her birthday and yet I am sad that I lost Jim on that day too. My daughter is a part of him and for that I am grateful. Her personality is very much like him. I do wish he had died on another day but there is nothing I can do to change that. I have learned to live with it.
Truhal
Truhal
I can't remember where I heard this, but I've done it for many tragic days. Basically, you have to redefine the day. Schedule special events on that day. For example: Take the kids, friends, grandkids to Disney World on that day. Have a party on that day. Take a world tour, skydive for the first time, do something on your bucket list,etc.

You're redefining the day. Eventually, instead of this was the last day with my spouse, it becomes--this is the day I landed in France for the time. Or this is the day I had that big party and uncle whoever danced with the lampshade on his head. You've got to do it every year for about five years until you have so many fun events on that day that the tragedy gets lost in the happiness.

I did it and sometimes I go right past the date without even realizing it.