If I have learned one thing in the past 14 months it is to live each day as if it's your last. we all know first hand that tomarrow hold no guarentees. Hugs: Donna

Thanks for this reminder. This is also something I needed to hear. I'm such in a rush into my future and what god has planned for my kids and I, I forget to live in the moment and just grieve him. Thus today, and most of yesterday, the grief overtook me. I'm usually so optimistic, enjoying the day that god gave me, but I've felt discouraged, pity on myself, and pure loneliness and sadness lately. It's the revisiting of the different stages off grief. This I know. Its just so unbearable at times.

You are so right..Live each day as it comes...

This reminds me of my favorite Scarlett O'Hara quote from the movie "Gone With The Wind":

"I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."

It is an approach that works sometimes, and it is useful during the first year when there's no way you can be clear-headed enough to plan anything. I think it's okay, too, if you are financially secure, and if you have no kids or grandkids or anyone else (aging parents, etc.) that rely on you. But if that's not your circumstances, then I think you have to come to a peaceful place with what you're going to do in another way.

Cliff didn't adequately provide for me and our sons. My sons are disabled. I know that I am responsible for me and mine, and may eventually have to further help any of my 5 siblings, my in-laws, step-daughter, etc. I would also hope that I will be able to leave something good behind me; i.e., that maybe I helped make something a little better while I was here.

I don't mega-stress over it all the time. I think maybe that's really what you're getting at - not to stress over stuff until you make yourself sick, right? Because that's counter-productive. But I do think you have to take care of business and keep your house in order for anyone left behind when you go. I have a will, life insurance, burial instructions, etc., so that hopefully I won't leave behind the mess that Cliff did.

Maybe it's different for me also because Cliff's death was sudden and unexpected. Everything in my life changed in mere moments. If I hadn't already had some precautions in place, we would have been so screwed.

I guess that's it - be cautious but don't overdo it to the point you can't enjoy anything. Life is meant to be lived, not just endured.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

These were excellent comments - thanks for starting this JerseyDebbie.

I am at two years now and all of you are so right - one day at a time and tomorrow is a new day.

Thanks and hugs!

Yep, everyone if there is anything that I "learned" from losing my Wife is that every day is a gift. Every...Day, even if it is spent fixing broken stuff, with not enough money. An Uncle of mine said that "we don't really own anything on earth, we just get to use it while we're here." My Dad learned this in WWII. That it's the mundane things in life that are the best. Like breakfast with your WIfe, helping your kid with homework, sharing milestones with your family (birthdays, graduations, making the baseball team, getting a good grade in that difficult class, whatever) that many people are so focused on getting ahead that during these things they are fretting about keeping their business going, or how to pay the light bill, and don't focus on the moment and the moments then pass you by. That when you have that time with your loved ones to look deep into their eyes and really listen to what they are saying, then do what you can to encourage and guide them and to forget about all your worries for a bit. He said that this has the added benefit to you that focusing on someone else for a time allows you to keep your own things in perspective and to be ultimately more productive. Another topic he broached on the trip was to keep things "cleaned up" with your loved ones and business associates. On the premise that you never know how much time you have left. Not to let disagreements fester and to remember that your relationship with that person is most likely way more important than what the disagreement was/is about. He and I had driven to the Owens Valley looking at a cattle ranch and this talk was on the way home. I was 19 years old and I can remember it like it was yesterday. So, what I'm saying is that I agree with Debbie's humble opinion and so does my Father.
Steve

Today is the first day of the rest of your life...my Jim's favorite saying. If you think about it what else do we have? Everyday is a fresh start to our lives. Great Post Debbie...Hugs

Debbie, thank you for sharing this excellent advice. That must have been so very difficult for you to lose three loved ones in the same year. Hugs, B