Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
HI, I am very new here and am still not sure why I have just now found this site. I lost my husband 2 years 7 months and 28 days ago, but hey who's counting? LOL
I know there must be a reason for me being here so I decided to think about the issues I am still dealing with.
Is anyone else out there having prolonged problems with procrastination?
I have always been a procrastinator but it has gotten so much WORSE.
For example, I have been without hot water since early August. I decided I would not have anyone come to look at my water heater until I cleaned my living room and kitchen, so I am still heating water for baths and dishes because I just can't seem top force myself to do it (cleaning has always been an issue for me). But this is not the only thing I have put off. I still have my husbands ashes sitting in the original box they came in, no this is not part of a shrine, it is put away out of sight, but never out of mind. My plans include scattering them over our ranch. A friend of his told me from the start that he would take me up to do it, but I just can't seem to get around to it. I think I should do it on some significant date and can't decide which one so I just dont do it at all.
Also I burned our our trailer house up in March of 2009 and can't seem to make myselfr take the little steps it would take to get the good stuff out and dispose of the rest. Oh this one was very difficult at first because going inside it was like losing my husband all over again (because I had nerver done anything with his stuff--it was all still there). And putting it off just got easier with time.
So what do you think folks? Is this a grief related issue? Or just a character flaw? (I certainly have enough of those :-)
I know there must be a reason for me being here so I decided to think about the issues I am still dealing with.
Is anyone else out there having prolonged problems with procrastination?
I have always been a procrastinator but it has gotten so much WORSE.
For example, I have been without hot water since early August. I decided I would not have anyone come to look at my water heater until I cleaned my living room and kitchen, so I am still heating water for baths and dishes because I just can't seem top force myself to do it (cleaning has always been an issue for me). But this is not the only thing I have put off. I still have my husbands ashes sitting in the original box they came in, no this is not part of a shrine, it is put away out of sight, but never out of mind. My plans include scattering them over our ranch. A friend of his told me from the start that he would take me up to do it, but I just can't seem to get around to it. I think I should do it on some significant date and can't decide which one so I just dont do it at all.
Also I burned our our trailer house up in March of 2009 and can't seem to make myselfr take the little steps it would take to get the good stuff out and dispose of the rest. Oh this one was very difficult at first because going inside it was like losing my husband all over again (because I had nerver done anything with his stuff--it was all still there). And putting it off just got easier with time.
So what do you think folks? Is this a grief related issue? Or just a character flaw? (I certainly have enough of those :-)
Hugs, Dianne
And, De, this is not a character flaw; it's doing what you can when you can. Your motivation will return on its own terms and in its own time. Sometimes we have to tweak it a little to jump start the process, but even that will hit you when you're ready.
Due to just moving into a house we built shortly before my husband died, I had to complete some things to make it manageable. But now that water comes out of the faucets, the lights come on, the mud has been turned into grass, the heat and air conditioning flip on when weather dictates, and the doors lock; well, I'm a happy camper. The environment I inhabit orderly or lack thereofdoesn't seem to faze me anymore. I've learned the magical art of pacing myself (a nice way to describe procrastination).
This is still my soft place to land; but as I mentioned in an earlier post, it is our house but ceased to be our home the day my husband died. I'm just passing through. Blessings to you. TJ
SweetAnnie, I'm sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you. Try to do some things that are just for you and not chores - go to a movie or visit with friends, whatever will bring you some joy.