Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
HI, I am very new here and am still not sure why I have just now found this site. I lost my husband 2 years 7 months and 28 days ago, but hey who's counting? LOL
I know there must be a reason for me being here so I decided to think about the issues I am still dealing with.
Is anyone else out there having prolonged problems with procrastination?
I have always been a procrastinator but it has gotten so much WORSE.
For example, I have been without hot water since early August. I decided I would not have anyone come to look at my water heater until I cleaned my living room and kitchen, so I am still heating water for baths and dishes because I just can't seem top force myself to do it (cleaning has always been an issue for me). But this is not the only thing I have put off. I still have my husbands ashes sitting in the original box they came in, no this is not part of a shrine, it is put away out of sight, but never out of mind. My plans include scattering them over our ranch. A friend of his told me from the start that he would take me up to do it, but I just can't seem to get around to it. I think I should do it on some significant date and can't decide which one so I just dont do it at all.
Also I burned our our trailer house up in March of 2009 and can't seem to make myselfr take the little steps it would take to get the good stuff out and dispose of the rest. Oh this one was very difficult at first because going inside it was like losing my husband all over again (because I had nerver done anything with his stuff--it was all still there). And putting it off just got easier with time.
So what do you think folks? Is this a grief related issue? Or just a character flaw? (I certainly have enough of those :-)
I know there must be a reason for me being here so I decided to think about the issues I am still dealing with.
Is anyone else out there having prolonged problems with procrastination?
I have always been a procrastinator but it has gotten so much WORSE.
For example, I have been without hot water since early August. I decided I would not have anyone come to look at my water heater until I cleaned my living room and kitchen, so I am still heating water for baths and dishes because I just can't seem top force myself to do it (cleaning has always been an issue for me). But this is not the only thing I have put off. I still have my husbands ashes sitting in the original box they came in, no this is not part of a shrine, it is put away out of sight, but never out of mind. My plans include scattering them over our ranch. A friend of his told me from the start that he would take me up to do it, but I just can't seem to get around to it. I think I should do it on some significant date and can't decide which one so I just dont do it at all.
Also I burned our our trailer house up in March of 2009 and can't seem to make myselfr take the little steps it would take to get the good stuff out and dispose of the rest. Oh this one was very difficult at first because going inside it was like losing my husband all over again (because I had nerver done anything with his stuff--it was all still there). And putting it off just got easier with time.
So what do you think folks? Is this a grief related issue? Or just a character flaw? (I certainly have enough of those :-)
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
Now on top of that I'm assuming you are on your own which means it's easy to put stuff off - and on top of that some of stuff is about your husband - and that adds another layer of difficulty.
I procrastinate over some things, had spells on my own, plus been widowered.
If you want to unblock, start with the least emotional, e.g the hot water. break down the steps. do one and stop. then when you are up for the next one, do that and stop.
All my best to you in your effort.
Linda
Thanks for the input foplks.
I, personally, prefer to think of it not as procrastination but as "give a da**". When I can muster up enough of that, then I do something.
I meant no disrespect. I hope I did not offend you. Support groups are difficult to find and even more difficult to help resolve issues only time will heal. Finding this wonderful community has been a God send to me. It allows me to express myself fully, without interruption. I read my words and they sink into my brain instead of roll around in my thoughts. I am 10 months into this journey and would be sitting in a corner in a dark room crying my life away if it wasn't for the good people here. I hope you will accept my apology and my welcoming you to this community. You are right, the Lord has His purpose and plan for us all, I offer my path to His guidance.
Linda
ps...hope you get the water heater issue resolved...
I didn't want strangers in the house. You are a single woman, and sometimes you have a fear of someone coming in. You could ask around from friends or relatives for handymen. I just had to have a pest control company come out, because I had mice in the attic and garage. I need so much work on my house, it's been a year and 8 days since my husband has been gone. I had someone come out and look at everything and he will give me estimates on each item.
On spreading his ashes. My husband's family spread 1/2 of his brother's ashes and buried 1/2. I didn't like the idea of touching his ashes. My husband's are on a shelf in a bedroom. I'm waiting to be buried with him. My kids can decide where that will be, because they will be the ones that would visit.
I have a friend who scattered her dad's ashes on his rose bushes, like he wanted. Now she can't sell her house and doesn't have a place to pay her respects. I know I want something that says my husband and I lived on this earth, it's part of our history. I guess a lecagy for the future generations. I know we always like walking in old cemetaries and checking out the dates and what they died from. Maybe a litte morrbid.
I think it has alot to do with grieving. You need to move on, and you need hot water. You will have to take baby steps. But I think you need to start now.
Paula
I think people have the right idea when they say pick one thing and work on it. Once accomplished you'll feel better and it may give you more incentive to tackle the next thing. Get help with the cleaning and going through the trailer. Maybe make it a celebration in memory of your husband. You'll do what you can with the ashes when you're ready. My brother passed away Feb 2003 and it took his wife and two girls until this August to take them down to the Keys to scatter. That's 7-1/2 yrs.
Feel better. Don't be hard on yourself and I'm glad you found this web site. I just found it myself.
If my husband were alive it would not get done much quicker but I would at least have someone to nag about it! LOL
He could repair ANYTHING! I have actually changed elements before, right before I caught the house on fire! I have someone coming over this weekend to look at it. Part of my problem was... do you call a plumber, or and electrician? It is the breaker that keeps flipping... My husband knew all the important stuff but he did not leave his brain behind for me to use! LOL