Alrighty - so I have been unable to log onto this site from home lately...and I really miss it, and the people here...I found another site that I can log onto yybb...well-so, I have shared some stories (actually I have had a very emotional couple of weeks, and lets face it, these sites help us to know we are not alone...) so yesterday, I got a message from someone at that other site...it turns out to be a man (no idea how old he is) and....he is like 20 miles away from me...we chatted a bit before I realized how close he was...I started to get really creeped out...What have I shared?? I know I have mentioned how alone I am - it is part of me biggest problem and the reason why I turn to these sites...I do not want to join a church, or go to group therapy...I am one of those "people pleaser" types... I try to always be nice to people (even when the bother me) because I don't want to hurt their feelings...this has an unfortunate side...many people take this as flirtation...I attract (and always have attracted) strange people... My Norm was the type to get rude so he could easily keep strange people away from me (and I DO NOT mean that in a bad way)...Prime example - My mom lives in a senior home (I call it the "Granny Stacker", it is rent controlled and some of the tenants are younger, on disability or whatever) there is a guy there, I have no idea how old he is, but I know he is, probably a little younger than me...well lets just say..."slow"...well, he has given me his phone number and now I see he waits for me in his car in the parking lot when I go to check on my mom after work... (I got my schedule, and it is so important that I stick to it rite now)...he's harmless, but I find myself getting short with him, and he's starting to get on my nerves, everyday its "hello beautiful", and I ignore it and talk about the weather as I keep walking to the building...then he say's "you should call me" - Well-that AIN'T gonna happen!! So - anyway getting back to me original story here - this guy messaged me, and is geographically really close...a little too close for me...I am not one of those "meet someone on line" people...I am more like the "OMG-He could have someone chained up in basement" type....although I am a people pleaser - I NEVER let anyone get to close...I always keep people at a distance, I don't give out my phone number, and try to be vague about where I live ect.ect. and I am also not a "hey lets hang out" type of person - especially in my current state of mind...The only one I hung out with or really let into my life was Norm...I have no thoughts of letting anyone in that close...Then I started thinking about all the things we share & vent about on these sites...WOW!! we are at a vulnerable state, and we are letting it all out there - making us an easy target for someone to take advantage of....Although it is helpful and therapeutic, we could really be putting ourselves into a bad situation...this guy says he is a web-designer, and goes to the gym (which I hate to be so cynical but I think that could mean he sits in a basement playing video games, trolls for lonely people and probably hangs out at McDonalds Jungle Gym...for lunch every day!!) Now this could all just be a coincidence, but I noticed he has never posted or commented on the site...hhhmmm...he talked about "being there to support one another", but only after I mentioned I was not up to any kind of face to face meeting....So what do you think??? Am I just so broken down and paranoid that I am blowing this outta proportion?? Or would any of you be concerned?? I will admit, I know I get anxiety issues if I have to go any further than the grocery store...so its pretty huge for me to do anything out of my normal routine...therefore I may just be making something outta nothing...but with no one to protect me, I feel very uncertain of the outside world...it's weird-because I work in town, with the public...but I have the safety of being under the "work umbrella" outside of that I am totally scared...
And any suggestions on why I cannot log into this site at home would be appreciated as well!!
Thanks to you all-
Peace & love