Oh Ana, I know the pain you struggle with. It's hard to understand why on so many levels. The pain hits us all whether we share long marriages or lose them before our life begins. The plans my husband and I had were gone and I was lost too. I'm glad you are with us. There is a great deal of understanding here that those who haven't experienced this can't understand. Hug to you, Sharon

You are surely not alone. We have all lost someone so special, spouse or fianc, partner...the other half of ourselves. I don't know how it hurts most but I will not compare pain. Your pain before you even had a chance is unbearable, my pain and others pain is unbearable losing the one you had as part of half of your lifetime or more sometimes.
All our pain is difficult when your beloved dies suddenly or dies in pain and suffering before your eyes and you had to experience their pain as caregiver.
I just know that on this site, everyone can put it all out there and we understand. Maybe some better than others, because of the nature of the loss. But when love is taken from you it is a change in life and everything is different in significant ways and simple ways.
I feel for you I really do. I wish you some peace and rest for your mind and hurting heart.
I feel such a loss after losing my husband to the despicable cancer that I want now to be alone and not have another special other person in an intimate way. Nope. Not again. Not for me.
I hope that you get through this and can once again smile with a happy life.
We all know that will take time, lots of time.
Take care.

I just saw your profile. I didn't realize you lost your fianc to cancer, too.
I can relate to that in a huge way. My husband had terminal cancer and won his battle beyond incredible odds. Then 11 years late and many years of suffering in between the cancer came again. Took part of him here and part of him there and weakened him he couldn't battle back after all his body had already taken in the beating of chemos and radiation and complications.
I am so very sorry. I so wish it could be different for us. Those of us left behind certainly feel the pain and heartache.

Ana, please know you are not alone. All of us here understand what you are going through. You will find such compassion and support through all those on this site. It has been my lifeline for many months as no one that's never experienced this great loss understands it as we do. Hugs and Love, Michele

Ana, I am so sorry for your loss. This is so new for you and after 9 months I am writing this after hearing a song on the way to work that triggered a grief episode. I never know when it will hit me and bring me to my knees.
I can tell you this for me anyway, it does get better. As you have probably heard over and over it takes time and everyone's time is different. But I hope your time gets better soon.
Take care of yourself in these early days and months and we are here when you need us. ~Pete

Oh, Ana, we all understand your overwhelming pain. It is devastating and so hard to understand why this happened. Just try to put one foot in front of the other and get through each day as best you can. It's a very hard road, but it will get better. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hugs,
Linda

Ana, you are definitely not alone! I lost my finance, Andrew suddenly on June 24th. He was only 31. I would like to be able to give you words of comfort but I know nothing can touch your pain and any attempts at trying to make it better will only grate on you, or at least that is how I felt. The first 2 months I was in complete 100% shock and disbelief. I am at 4.5 months now and to be honest, I am still in disbelief a lot of time. I am sure people have told you this but grief really does come in waves. Use those few precious moments to breathe and relax before the next wave hits. Right now you just need to do what ever you can to make it through each day. Try as hard as you possibly can not to think about the future, I know that is hard but try to focus on the right here and now. Don't even take things one day at a time, just work on moment by moment. Just feel what you are feeling in the moment and don't feel guilty about it. I went (and still do) from angry to sad to guilty to every emotion, and sometimes I felt all at once. Just make it through, that is your only job right now and that is the hardest job imaginable.

I am here to talk any time you need to...

Ana, I'm so very sorry for your loss. It hurts so much and is so unfair. That fog your feeling is a protective layer of grief. When it slowly dissipates the sadness will seem overwhelming at times.

It's a long and winding road ahead and will be that way for a while.....You will want to fight it and will want the "normal" back in your life. It will NOT come back. You have to face a NEW normal but you don't have to face it alone. You have ALL of us to face it with you.

Try and eat well, get rest and most importantly, know that you are NOT ALONE. We are all here for you and for each other.

Write your feelings down, share them with others and let yourself cry.....and cry.....and cry. Don't forget to drink lots of fluids because those tears take a lot out of us!

Warmly,
Roz