When I was 14 a teacher told me that I would never be sucessful because I was an introvert. She actually took points off my grade because of it. Years later a boss told me the same thing. "You're an introvert. You'll never reach the top." And I didn't. But I spent my entire life trying to become an extrovert and the job I have now requires me to be an extrovert.
My boss actually coaches me on how I can make the transition.

So, where does this leave me? Up until last night I didn't have an answer. Then I read O magazine and there it was, and entire article on how I had to accept my introversion. And if I didn't the stress of trying to be something I'm not is not good. Later I downloaded a book about introversion. There are many, most from people who know my struggles and have decided to accept who they are. I can't understand why I didn't see that before. I've always accepted everything about me except for this one thing. I'm convinced it is the source of my health issues--the constant stress of being "On", of being the sucessful extrovert. Yet science has proved that introvertsion and extroversion are hard-wired in us. The extrovert uses dopamine while the introvert uses and entirely different, more calming neurotransmitter. We can't just switch.

So, this is what I'm getting to. There have been people who've come to this group asking the question of how to be alone? How to go to restaurants and movies without their life partner. I've always answered, chiming in on taking a book to the restaurant and reading. It's such an easy thing, I thought. Yet I saw so many people challenged by even the idea.

On the other hand, we've all heard the advise of people who've told us to just get out there, to start socializing. They say it as if it's a one-size-fit-all sort of thing. But it's far from that. I have a different relization. For me the hardest thing is going out in public--parties, office events, etc, have always been draining to me. I don't enjoy myself because I'm not accepted for the introvert I am, so I must force myself to be bubbly and outgoing. We are only 25 percent of the population, so the extroverted world expects us to act like them. I didn't think any extrovert could understand the challenge of the introvert trying to be an extrovert. But I think I've been guilty of the same thing. I've advised people here on how to handle situations, never thinking that these things are easy for me because I am an introvert. And hard for them because they're extroverts.

Basically, I've been telling extroverts to behave like introverts. We introverts enjoy being alone, reading books, thinking on deep subjects. A crowds are not what we seek. But the extrovert does. They enjoy being in groups, so sitting in a crowded restaurant with a book must be horrible for them.

IMHO, I think widows/widowers who are extroverts suffer so much more in this transition from couple to single. I miss my husband desperatly, but I'm alone in my house daily and enjoy the solitude. I did have to get used to my husband not being here, but I imagine for the extrovert it has to be even harder to accept. I've seen men and women take up with unsuitable partners because of it. Yet, we introverts, and I'm talking about me, are quick to say, isn't it better to be alone?"

But now I'm seeing the difference and understanding that for and extrovert being alone is like setting me in the middle of an all day party. I'd be horrified.

So, if I've told any of you how easy it is to eat alone, please forgive me. those Each of us have our own challenges. And this new road we're on doesn't make it any easier.