Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Today we went to lunch with my grandparents. During our lunch we had had some conversations about things related to Brad and his death. At one point my grandmother says "No offence, but you should change your cover photo on facebook because some people think it doesn't look very nice" Well I was very offended. Tears immediately started to well up in my eyes, this is all after I had already had to excuse myself to the restroom to cry in a bathroom stall for several minutes due to a song they were playing in the restaurant. That is my absolute favorite picture because #1 it has the 3 most important people to me in it. #2 it's the closest thing to a family picture, and the only one with the three of them in it. #3 it was taken on a really fun family outing we had last year and reminds me of that #4 it was taken while they were waiting on me to come out of the restaurant we ate lunch in and were goofing off taking silly face pictures! Which is how I want to remember Brad and I want others to remember him as the fun, amazing father he was. Being a dad was his absolute favorite thing. He loved spending time with the kids and being silly with them and this picture, in my eyes, captures that. So my question is should I address it on my Facebook page? It has been bothering me all day and I feel like I need to say something, but I just don't know if I should. Thank you in advance! Much Love to all!
One day you may decided to change the picture with another one (I change mine often because there are so many pictures of Howie that I love) and that will be your choice to do so. I think the comment was uncalled for and that you should not have to explain yourself. You love the picture, it`s you Facebook page , enough said!
Those who have issues with it, will find issues with any pictures you post. Darn if you do, darn if you don`t so forget making those people happy, do what feels right to you. When they have walk in your shoes then they can shoes the picture to post.
My advice is to leave the picture posted as is if that's what you wish. If your grandmother or anyone else doesn't like it then they don't have to look at it. It's a beautiful picture and you shouldn't be made to feel bad about it. That's my two cents.
Take care,
Russ
He is not invisible and they remain part of us and our life - lets keep educating our relatives with what is OK for us - let her know, don't hide in the toilets. I let my Mum know and although it was hard - I was trying to protect her when really I needed to be honest and stop holding in my disbelief and pain. You look good together - take that memory and help your relative understand how precious he is to you and the love you need from your living relative right now and erasing him is not loving.
I was 52 years old when I lost my Tim. He had long hair, half way down his back. When we met with the funeral director we had to pick out pictures for a rolling photo show at the viewing, funeral. After al, that was done he stated " so we will be putting Tim's hair in a ponytail". I was stunned and stated absolutely not. To which his Mother replied well that's how he always wore it. He only wore it in a ponytail for work, as required. But most of the other times he wore it down. There were a lot of things that I conceded to in my state of grief, but this was one thing that I would not back down from.
I know I am in my fifties, but it seems that the people in my life that are older make some very hurtful remarks. Some of their opinion seem so my I say "old fashioned and cold".
My intention is not to offend anyone, but it is your life and you need to do what feels good for you. We seem to find so few things that feel good. Grab it and hold onto it.
Hugs, Sandi