Widows & Widowers Support Group

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Other's opinions

FM0528
FM0528
Today we went to lunch with my grandparents. During our lunch we had had some conversations about things related to Brad and his death. At one point my grandmother says "No offence, but you should change your cover photo on facebook because some people think it doesn't look very nice" Well I was very offended. Tears immediately started to well up in my eyes, this is all after I had already had to excuse myself to the restroom to cry in a bathroom stall for several minutes due to a song they were playing in the restaurant. That is my absolute favorite picture because #1 it has the 3 most important people to me in it. #2 it's the closest thing to a family picture, and the only one with the three of them in it. #3 it was taken on a really fun family outing we had last year and reminds me of that #4 it was taken while they were waiting on me to come out of the restaurant we ate lunch in and were goofing off taking silly face pictures! Which is how I want to remember Brad and I want others to remember him as the fun, amazing father he was. Being a dad was his absolute favorite thing. He loved spending time with the kids and being silly with them and this picture, in my eyes, captures that. So my question is should I address it on my Facebook page? It has been bothering me all day and I feel like I need to say something, but I just don't know if I should. Thank you in advance! Much Love to all!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know this is almost a month old, but someone posted a comment and brought it to the top of the discussion list and after reading it, considering the way I feel this morning, I couldn't hold my tongue. Keep in mind this is coming from someone who thinks that FB is largely (not entirely) a source that perpetuates the most evil qualities in people. I had one for a while and what I saw was largely everyone either sideways insulting someone and using their keyboard as a means to do so (nothing more cowardly), or using it to rant about politics (nothing more uninteresting) or as a source to cheat on their spouses and violate every marital trust. I laugh when I hear someone mention a time machine. We have one, it's FB. My x-husband is perpetually stuck in 1985, the year he graduated high school and FB is the culprit. There are things and people from your past who deserve to stay there. FB is the gateway to your past, how ridiculous.
Just for future reference honey, if anyone says anything like that or imposes their opinions on you you don't have to respond at all. Or you could just say, "I don't agree. Please let's change the subject." Enough times and they'll get the message. It was highly inappropriate for her to suggest that, older people don't usually give a crap what anyone else thinks. Perhaps you should adopt that same mentality.
lovehodge
lovehodge
You do not need to explain yourself to anyone. Not to your grandma and not to Facebook followers. You love the pic and it has such depth and meaning to it. That is all that matters. Sometimes silence is golden.
karatxmo
karatxmo
I love that pic! and its your memories and your page. I post whatever picture I want of my husband...whether it offends others or not I couldn't care. hes my husband. and unless I feel like he wouldn't like the pic then up it goes!
Mgould
Mgould
It's a great picture - and as everyone else said - you should do what you want to do. I think sometimes older people in particular, say things that are not appropriate and are not right - and I think we should just have these comments go right over our heads. You and your children are the people who matter now.
AtlGTfan
AtlGTfan
It's a charming picture, and it's obvious the kids are having a blast. My husband loved to do really goofy things, like stick a finger up his nose, just as somebody was snapping the shutter, so I have any number of really strange photos of him, too. :-) Just keep in mind that a lot of older folks don't really "get" the current trend to post photos that might be considered "unflattering" (read: not posed and made up in a studio somewhere) in the interest of fun. I imagine the wave of silly "selfies" most young people post all the time perplex the daylights out of their elders. Chalk it up to the generation gap and do whatever the heck pleases you and makes you feel strongest right now. And I'm probably closer to your grandma's age than yours, but if you're ever in Atlanta and feel like meeting up, drop me a note!
jerseydebbie
jerseydebbie
You shouldn't be worrying about the opinion of others. You worry about you, period. I love your picture and would do the same if it were me. Actually, I did have a photo of the two of us for awhile until I changed it (multiple times since then). I would have no problem putting it back on.

It makes you feel good and that is all that matters. You.
John1962
John1962
its a beautiful picture and in my view, the reasons you gave for keeping it there are perfectly valid.
I find others can move on more easily, so to them its probably painful to see this and be reminded of the loss and the happiness of a beautiful family. My profile picture on Facebook is the same as it was when Tracey was here and i won't change it until I feel I want to, not what others say. (the same photo as my profile of DS)