Widows & Widowers Support Group

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One more hurdle

cathylynn58
cathylynn58
My Bob was a member of "The Poker Club" a group of guys that have been playing cards and fishing together for 30 years. Every other year they go to Canada fishing for a week. A few years ago when the first member passed away they took some of his ashes with them to spread in the lakes they fish in. Bob really liked that idea and said that he wanted to be in Canada with the guys also. So when he was cremated I had some of his ashes set aside for the club and the rest was buried at our local arsenel.
Well the time has come for me to has come for me to give them his ashes. And it is making me crazy to think of giving up the last of him. I know this is crazy, I know this is what he wanted and it isn't like I sit and hold his ashes but I know that they are there, tucked away in my bedroom. I know that I have to come to terms with this but I just don't know how. I can't not send him fishing one last time, he loved it so much. I just am not dealing with it very well.
Maritele10
Maritele10
I know it is hard. Originally I was going put our ashes together at some place so I could visit until my time. But during the past two weeks I remembered what he did with his mom's ashes. And he loved fishing. So I will honor his wishes and take him fishing one day with his fishing buddies.
Maybe you can take a really small amount out for placement in a piece of jewelry?
I don't know if I am making any sense, but I feel your pain.
Marilyn
lovelos
lovelos
I am sorry I can imagine how hard this must be for you. Is there a possibility that you can send some of your husbands ashes with his poker buddies and still keep some with you, know I am thinking of you, Hugs Lu Ann
deleted_user
deleted_user
I understand your not wanting to part with all his ashes and was going to suggest that same as (Maritele10's) idea of keeping a small amount with you for jewelry or just to have for yourself.....
The members in the guys club would be honored to do something with some of his ashes as I am sure they are missing him and wanting to be part of him also.......it is early in your grief, maybe it can wait until next year?? just my thoughts.....Do what you need to do for YOU at this time.......hugs
ohsolost
ohsolost
As I read your post, the first thing that came to my mind was that you should keep half of Bob's remaining ashes and give the other half to the guys, even if there is only a small amount to divide. That way you could honor Bob and keep a part of him with you, too. If you cannot do the dividing, perhaps someone else could do it for you.

Wishing you peace with whatever you decide to do.

Hugs,
Terry
lovedaisies
lovedaisies
I am also thinking the same way as the replies here. There is no reason that you need to send all of his ashes with his fishing buddies. I still have my husband's ashes because I am not ready to spread them, but I will when the time is right, though I will keep a portion---I just feel the need to.
Please do what you need to do for you.
with understanding,
Sallie
Christine26
Christine26
The keeping of some of the ashes seems to be the consensus here. I think you would get great relief if you kept some and put them in a locket around your neck. They have jewelry made specific for that. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide.
NewRoadsForMe
NewRoadsForMe
Perhaps this decision could be laid aside for another year. Maybe by next year when the guys go fishing, you will have a clearer idea of what you want to do. If there is no rush, you might want to wait. No harm done. Best wishes!
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you feel reluctant to let him go, then it's just not time yet. I gave it a full year, and, even then--it's not easy. Don't do anything that you're not ready for--there's no rush...
rohama
rohama
Hi Cathy
I know this must be hard for you I am scattering Bill,s ashes this weekend in his home town .
I went onto the internet and bought a keepsake urn which is only about the size of my finger it is blue (his favourite colour) and it came in a nice red velvet box and sits on my bedside cabinet and I have a tiny amount of his ashes in this. It does make make feel better knowing i still have part of him with me. It is so small that I take it with me when I go away anywhere
This may be an idea for you, but I am sure you will know what is best
Sometimes the thought of the things we have to do is worse than than the act
I hope you find the strength to make a decision that you are happy with
Hugs Pat
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
I agree with what had already been said. I separated my husbands ashes the same way. I will add separating themis hard emotionally so if you want the funeral director will probably separate them for you. Sharon
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with the others, keep some for yourself and give the rest to his friends or wait a year if you're not ready yet. You'll know when it is time. A piece of jewelry with his ashes in it would be lovely way to keep him close. I wish yoy peace with your decision. Beth
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with the others, keep some for yourself and give the rest to his friends or wait a year if you're not ready yet. You'll know when it is time. A piece of jewelry with his ashes in it would be lovely way to keep him close. I wish yoy peace with your decision. Beth
cathylynn58
cathylynn58
As always you all have been so understanding. Thank you for your empathy. I did look online and found a piece of jewelry that spoke to me. Not sure if I will do that or a small urn but I am going to keep part of his ashes with me.
Thank you all again,
Cathy
Nicker07
Nicker07
When my husband died he had told me where he wanted his ashes spread - but his sons were "Butts" and altho' they admitted he never told them a thing - so I gave each some of his ashes to with what they wanted to keep the peace - I spread 1/2 of remainder according to his wishes and kept the rest for a peaceful place where I could go as that place he picked became a place of tension. He is now in a very neat place I know he loved also along with his two favorite dogs ashes. He loved it up here - and I know even though I will move he would not want to move to a place he never was associated with....I am at peace....and thats what is important - to be at peace with his wishes and yours.

HUGS
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am sorry for the loss of your husband.
My Phil also passed of lung cancer, March 2011.
He, too, had also been in unbearable pain.
Most ashes were spread in the ocean, his desire. Done on Palm Sunday, shortly after his leaving this life.
I have kept some, and mixed with sand, where his ashes mixed.

Great advice you have been given, to save some ashes, and/or wait awhile to decide.
Remember that he is always in your heart, forever and forever :)

(Hugs)
Debi