Like the others I have thought about it because I was and am lonely but I am not very trusting and decided I would get to know me better and learn to be alone and if by chance someone happened along to change that then I would be open to it but will not go looking for it. It has been 7 years and this has not happened maybe it is not meant to be and I have adjusted to the idea of having the best life I can alone. Maybe I unconsciously do not want it to happen and need to go this road alone. I don't know the answers everyone has to do what feels right to them. Caution is the answer there are some really good people out there and then there are vultures waiting for the lonely!

I have no experience with dating sites but my son who is 39 and lives in LA advises me that OKCupid is the best site out there. He has tried most of them.You answer a lot of questions to determine your personality traits. I'm not ready for anything at my stage.

Dewey

The idea of having a friend to go to movie or dinner has come across my mind. I would never go on a dating site or intentionally searching for someone.

It's been 5 years for me and I have tried the dating online. I've met some nice men from a couple of sites, like Match.com and SeniorPeopleMeet.com. I dated one guy for 3 years and we ended it a few months ago, because I wanted forever and he didn't. Anyway there are 2 that are free. Plenty of Fish and OKCupid. You have to be very aware, there are guys out there, that come on too strong, too good to be true and are mostly not from this country. They are the scammers, that will try to reel you in, emotionally and then try to get money from you. I can spot them, so easy. Broken english, always calling you "pretty" asking you to call them or email them off the site. Don't do it. Email them on the site only, until you know if you want to meet them in person. If you call them block your number. I think it's *67 and then their number. I called a couple of guys, that were so needy, that I never called them again.

You can meet good people. I've been told, that men don't want to just be friends. I have in my profile, friends first and then we'll see where it goes. So far this time around, I've had 3 first dates and have had 3 dates with one man. I always meet them for coffee or dinner and drive myself.

I hope this helps. It's so hard to meet new people. But as others have said. Learn to love yourself, learn what you like to do, alone. Be happy in your life, first, before bringing in another person.

Paula

I looked at a few and I've browsed their choices. And laughed & laughed. The choices out there are so poor. At least for me. Maybe cuz I'm looking for a "replacement" which I know I'll never find. And also cuz I'm not interested in a man who's over 65. Sorry guys. I guess if it happens for me it will be as unexpected as before. Right now I just need to get my life together & be happy with what I have. If it happens it happens. But whatever makes you happy is good. We're all different and thats good too

To me a online dating site would be the last place I would look for a friend to share a movie or coffee with. Simply because a dating site establishes a built in agenda I am not ready for. For friendship I like to look in the real world although to my surprise I have also found special friends on DS as well. To me friendship and dating are 2 different things although I admit the best relationships start with a solid friendship first. Unfortunately in the virtual world it is easy for people to pretend to be something they are not and even in the real world it takes time to get to really know someone. I think the loneliness that comes with grief makes us very vulnerable which is why we need to be careful. We have shared our life with someone that allowed us to experience amazing things but we cant replace them we can only build on what we already have. No one can make us happy except from within ourselves although another person can definitely enrich our lives. All that said I do believe people can successfully meet in the virtual world but it wouldnt be my first choice. Thats just my spin. Gerry

Gerry, well said. In the end I believe the underlying issue isn't dating, virtual or real. It is reaching out to and connecting with people. As much as we would want to and believe me; I tried... it is very hard to maintain a life revolving around your dead spouse. People need people to interact with and laugh with, yell at and cry with. We all crave that contact and connection. We all need to reach out through the grief but must be careful to protect ourselves. A very fine balancing act.

Very good comments. I had been dead set against ever dating when my husband first passed and then in april I decided to join an online dating site...I blow my money and join but hide in the shadows...then I start talking with one guy..maybe twice I actually talk with him...I didn't even like him and the only reason I could come up with why I was even interested to talk to him was his name was the same as my husband...so after I go back in the shadows I start to talk with two...the dating site recommends 3...I do this maybe 3 times and tell one I cant chat anymore and go with the one that could not of been more opposite of anyone I have ever known...I don't know if he is a professional online dating person I think he has been doing it for 15 years...nope that didn't work out and I guess we are somewhat friends...I was defiantly not ready but at least for now I don't even want to think about dating and for sure have lost interest in the online dating and am trying to stay focused spiritually with God...and here with all of you...

Kate, during this whole process, I've found i'm searching for all sorts of channels to deal with the grief, loneliness and rediscovering a reason for being here. i did venture onto a dating website and communicated by email with a few women, but in all honesty, it wasn't for me - i am not ready for that yet. Gerald's correct in that it sets up an established outcome for a 'relationship'. One woman actually got quite annoyed and asked me "well why are you here, if you are not looking for a relationship?" I never met anyone and in truth, never intended, I just sought the company and idle chatter through email. I am trying to make moves in other ways, joining yoga and fitness classes, playing club tennis etc. It will never fill the void thats left in my heart, but it helps to ease some of the pain at least. Best wishes to you. John