I completely understand what you are going through Kate. I am sorry I don't have the answers you are looking for when it comes to online dating, not sure I trust enough to do something like that. I do know through this journey that loneliness has been the hardest, besides the loss of my husband. But I also am learning to find me again after 26 1/2 years of marriage and I know it sounds silly, but I think through all this we, (as those that are left to pick up the pieces per se), Need to take the time to find our own self again. Because I know even though I was still me when my husband was alive, I was also his wife, his confidant, his lover and we became one. Well now there is no "we", so I guess what I am saying is before you can find that person to fill a void that we so deeply miss. I think we have to find our own self again. And learn to be content in what we have for ourselves. If all that mumbo jumbo makes sense. Sending you many blessings. SS103

No one has the right to stand in judgement over your needs. I think most of us understand the loneliness you are experiencing, the lack of motivation in coming home to an empty house.

SS103 is right to recommend that you have to find and rebuild your self again. That being said, if you take the plunge, I would probably recommend that you state very clearly in your profile that you are a widow, not seeking a replacement, and that you're seeking an activity partner. Despite all our most noble efforts to communicate the truth, invariably there will be interest from others who have other motivations. Some may even acknowledge that you need time before considering reentering the world of romance, but still they may harbour ideas that somehow they can push you there.

I confess that in my own loneliness I did try it a few weeks ago. Despite making it abundantly clear that I was in no way seeking anything more than just a friend, it was not a very successful venture. Some of the people I chatted with were very kind and understanding, and the conversations were very fulfilling. However, each of them did eventually confess that they were interested in something I could not give. In time I questioned my own motivations for being on the site, and then decided to delete my profile.

I once thought online dating was weird like how could you really get to know anyone over the net but I actually found my husband playing a game online were you could talk to the others playing. He loved in USA and I was in Australia so we dated online for a while. I know you don't want to find a romantic relationship but online friends can be good. Just make sure your safe when you meet them if you plan on going to movies and you never meet. The loneliness is hard to work through its something I struggle with all the time. I even miss just even having someone to talk to about how my day went.I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to find people to spend time with. You do what you need to help you .. if that's finding others to spend time with and enjoy life go for it or if you change you mind and need space to just be happy with your own company that's fine to. I don't think you being selfish your just being human.

Katexyz,

PLEASE be careful. I understand what you're looking for, but a lot of times people see "widow", and it's an opportunity to take advantage. They know you're lonely and vulnerable.
I've seen too many t.v. shows about women and men being scammed by online "friends".

I'm not saying all online relationships are bad, I just don't want to see any of us taken advantage of or hurt.

Hugs,
Janie

I had given online date sites a consideration but then you watch Dr Phil and see people pulled in by predators and well I got scared. I have not always been the best at judging other peoples character. I tend to expect the best out of people and am blindsided when they are not what they pretended to be. That is one thing I miss about my husband, he was really good at judging whether someone was genuine or not. Anyway I got to thinking about it and I thought, wait a minute, I will be opening myself up to potentially losing another friend or partner. Right now I just can not handle that. My parents are pretty old and I am so scared one of them will pass. I don't think I can handle even a smidge more grief. Well I know I would find the strength its just that I don't want to experience it again soon. So there is too much potential for disappointment or hurt and I need to take care of me for now. I don't know if this helps you but do give it a lot of thought before you take the plunge.

Of course I've thought of it but that's it. It's very scary to think that I'd meet someone who's only intention was to take advantage of me, in more ways than one!

I work full time and I meet people all the time, I talk to folks all day and that fulfills me so when I go home I'm really ready to relax. But, it sure would be nice to have someone who would call every now and then and want to join me in dinner out, a movie or just some silly chit-chat! I miss bantering with a man!

I'm very lucky in that I have family and friends but to hear a man laugh, crack a joke and hold my hand......just sounds so nice!

Roz

I hate the being alone also but the online dating didn't work for me. The ones I would write to would never write back and the ones I didn't want to hear from wrote me. Its not a ideal thing at all. I can't even find a friend on the sites. I took myself off all of them, I'm fed up with it. Hope you have better luck.

Best thing to do is to go places to meet people. Join a widows/ seniors group or join a church. I haven't had luck with them either.

From the wording of your topic I think you are wanting your husband, not a date or companion and that sends red flags to me. I would suggest you work on finding ways to make yourself feel complete before complicating your life with another person who will not replace what you are seeking. The journey is hard and lonely, I understand, but we have to begin with us alone. Sharon

So sorry for your loss, I to loss my husband to . Its been 10months now and the 24th of this month will be 11 months I miss him every day
I'm like you I hate coming home to a empty house I do not have a pet .
I thought about the on line dating as well. I know we all have to be careful. This loneliness is really getting to me. I hate to see the weekends coming to. I have tried to go to church a few times , but I guess was not ready.
I even miss some one to talk to all the time. I know how you feel
we have a long hard road ahead of us I know its going to be hard , we just have to hang in there.
Hugs
Vickie

Folks, and Vickie:

Hang in there girl! You will make it through this journey! You are stronger than you think! I'm pretty new to this site but we have each other. We all would like have what you seeking. We all miss the championship of our best buddy! Male or female. There is a future for all of us. We just cannot envision it where we are now. There is a new adventure awaiting all of us!

We have to live for a new day!

Dewey

great topic. I met my husband 29 years ago through a dating magazine, and we exclusively dated for two years. We both placed an ad wanting a friend, movie partner, etc. He was the love of my life and died in March from cancer. I am just taking it all day by day. The hardest is bring alone in the house after a busy day doing whatever. I wish everyone strength, peace, joy and support.

Meeting people is just that and we need to get to know them however we meet. I met my husband in high school, so everything came pretty naturally. I connected with a friend's brother on Facebook and being both widowed brought a friendship. I met my current husband on a dating site when I was looking for a way to pass time in the lonely evenings at home. Others here have built friendship on DS that became marriages.

I truly believe most of us that found love again weren't looking for love, but looking for a way to live peacefully with ourselves in a very hard time and finding someone to share that with was a bonus. Sharon

Date hookup here. New people join in. Then drive me crazy via messages on there. I might go look every week, then again, a month later to read my messages. There is one guy been driving me nuts. Wants me to call him, then next message is, you are not interested in me, then begging again, Gosh I am glad I never talked to him, or sent back a message....lol

I joined a couple of on -line sites and met some nice people but never felt anything. I realized at 20 months Im still not ready. My missing my wife is still to strong. I have also joined a number of Meet - Up groups and they fulfill my social need. I have fun with no expectations and then go home. I feel I want more but Im not ready emotionally to get it so for now this is it. They have groups fir any interest. One of mine is a Restuarant Circle, another a movie group. I do miss the one on one though.
Russ

Katey, I am so sorry for your loss. I haven't done online dating; so I really can't answer that question. I too hated the sadness and lonelinses and the dismal landscape that I thought my life had become. What I did was force myself to try new group activities and different experiences. Meeting new people but not dating. I wasn't ready to date in my first or second year. But again, that is just me. I made a whole new group of friends and started enjoying my life again. A little bit like highschool. Except I wasn't worried about being popular. Lol. Now I am dating my lovely sweet redneck man that I met by doing group activities. Just sort of fell into it. I love him so much; but I still love and miss my husband as well. My experience has led me to believe that you just need to take your time and be patient with yourself. Do what you are comfortable with. Life is way too short.