I hear what you are saying, have no real answer. Some people get more into their faith and find comfort and I see where people lose their faith for awhile. The ones that move away from their faith seem to have a harder time.
I know for me I haven't been angry with God, because my Roby had cancer I blame the devil for the cancer, it's such an evil thing. The only thing that gets me through this is my faith that God has a plan (but he'd better spell out to me) and that I know I will see Roby again.
I think anger is one of the steps we have to go through in the grief journey.
I hope you find your peace soon and just keep praying..

Diane

In knowing that God has a plan for each of us, and he will reveal it in His time. We may not get the answers in our prayers, but just because He doesn't answer the way we want Him too, doesn't mean He doesn't care. He only. knows the plans He has for each and every one of us. This too, may be just a stepping stone for what He has planned. I prayed every day and night for God to ease my husbands pain, however he could. He did it, by not making him go through the worse pain he was going to have too. I thank God for not making him suffer more.
When my father was dying, I prayed to take his pain away. Then I was to go to my Dad and let him know I would be fine. And to go ahead and join his family. Within 5 minutes he was gone. Thank you God for easing his pain.
Blind Faith, without questioning, is what Faith is about. There has been so many times he has answered my prayer, and not, in the way I wanted . What it gets too much for you. Just say God, I can't do this anymore, I hand it over to You, to do what you will. When my husband had cancer, I did that, and I could feel the burden lifting from me. He was saved, and no further cancer for the rest of his life, 16 years.
This last illness. I prayed he would make it to have surgery, he did, but with many complications. The last time he was in the hospital. I prayed, to not let him suffer anymore. He was to be attached to breathing machines, iv fed, to die slowly. All of a sudden, he went into sudden cardiac arrest, and died instantly. Without suffering anymore.
Now, I never had prayed for me, except to help me get through this ordeal. And give me peace. And guide me through.
I find, if I am in complete silence, and pray from the heart, not really with words, but with my mind. and continue to sit, eyes closed, until peace washes over you.

You open up your heart, and mind. I got angry at my husband for leaving me, in this mess. I went to cemetery, yelled, screamed, jumped. and yes, cried. I sat on the ground and cried my eyes out. I must have been there for hours. Then I heard a wind chime on another grave, playing a song he used to sing when he was in the band. I listened and realized he is in a better place, where he can sing, dance, walk again, and be happy, and I was acting selfish.

He was in a Win/Win situation. If he died, he would be where he was striving to go anyway, if he lived, he would be around his family again, but pain. So, in short, he went to where he was going, whether it be now, or later.

I was raised in a church going family and was taught much about what my church believes. At that point it was knowledge and nothing more. Then back in the 80's my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. My father-in-law developed kidney cancer. My MIL stomach cancer. This happened over four years and I felt where is this loving God I was taught about.

I was talking to a dear friend about these feelings and with her guidence and my prayers I made the decision to let God rule my life from that point forward. With that decision, I no longer expected God to do what I wanted, but I would be the clay and Him the potter. I began reading the new testament with a notepad and a concordence and got to know this man called Jesus.

The more I got to know Him the more I knew I could trust Him with my life. That trust is what my faith is about in good times and in bad.

Just my story. Sharon

My faith is always deepened when I count my blessings. I count all of them, from birth to now. It's a pretty long list and it shows me that I have never been alone. God has always been with me guiding me when I let him and picking up the pieces when I didn't. His timing is never wrong and his mercy is endless. He loves me unconditionally and will never bring me to something He will not bring me through. I stay close to Him through prayer and meditation and live for Him by following His will for me.
God Bless you and bring peace to your heart.

I beleive faith is a very personal individual journey because it involves building a relationship with God. We are human so having faith doesnt mean being perfect. We will fall and pick ourselves up again. Faith is a journey of learning. A lifelong process. When my wife passed away I told God how badly he hurt me which he of course already knew. Deep faith to me is being able to surrender yourself completely. Easier said than done. I lost my wife 6 months ago to cancer. My best friend is terminal with a few weeks to live. My favourite sisterinlaw is likely fighting the same cancer my wife did. I know in my hearts of hearts I wouldnt still be standing if it wasnt for my faith. Yes I still get angry, sad or overwhelmed at times. I am human but I do trust him. I also beleive many things are not meant to be understood. This is just my personal expreince with faith.
I also have no desire to offend anyone. Gerald

If there really was a God, do you really think there would be so much pain in the world? I think we should all live with kindness towards others and treat people how we want to be treated. I know it gives some hope that they will see there loved one again, I say treat them like gold while they are here and not bank on something that can't be proved. My husband was a wonderful and giving person who lived his life with humor and kindness, if there was a loving God he would have left him here where he belonged with his family. Just my opinion.

I don't think you have to be sorry for getting angry with God. He is big enough and loving enough to handle our anger. I think it helps to read the Bible and know who God is and who he isn't. None of us will live forever. I hope you find some peace. Questioning your faith will actually make it stronger. Blessings to you and keep praying.

My husband Cliff was a deeply religious and spiritual man. His faith was unshakeable. And the last and best piece of work he did was for his faith - a project which I had to launch after his death to complete. I never met anyone, before or since, as well read about faith or with a deeper understanding of it.

And Cliff died at 55, leaving me with a mountain of problems, a broken heart, seemingly no future, and two disabled kids to finish raising without him.

I was mad at God for a long time. Then I finally stopped trying to bargain with God. I think that's where many people wind up creating more problems for themselves is with trying to bargain with God. Basically, "God if I pray to You, You give me this, " or "I will do Your work if You will fix my loved one, " etc. I think that is flawed thinking.

Faith is about trust and love, not about "stuff" and "wishes." You should do the right thing because you want to, not because you expect to be rewarded for it, and also it is sort of like doing what pleases your mother or father. You don't always do it just out of blind obedience, or because you think you will get some thing out of it, you do it in part because it makes you happy to make them happy. You do it out of love and a commitment.

The Commandments begin with God basically stating that we shall have no other God, which means there is no equal to Him. When we try to bargain with God, it's like trying to be His equal. It is a normal reaction to grieving to want to bargain with God, but it gets you nowhere. God is not going to give you tit-for-tat.

I called for a truce with God. He knows I am mad at Him for taking Cliff, that I think it was wrong and unfair, but it will no longer stop me from living my life nor from doing my best to live my life according to God's teachings. I stopped blaming God. I also stopped expecting God to handle everything for me.

The wisest things about faith I have ever heard and which have stuck with me are:

(1) An old Arab saying - "Trust in God! But tie your camel." In other words, believe in God but don't expect God to do it all for you. Take your own personal responsibility in your life. If you get a miracle of Divine Intervention, it's wonderful, but don't expect God to fix everything for you.

(2) "Sometimes the answer to your prayers is 'NO.'" A dear friend, the daughter of a chaplain and granddaughter of a minister shared that with me many years ago. We used to study scripture together, and shared our insights with each other. Anyway, that comment helps me stay focused.

(3) The Serenity Prayer - learned when Cliff got into alcohol rehab in '87 - he was sober 20 years at his death in 2007. This prayer resonates more with me now that I have been widowed, because it describes what we need to deal with the loss and keep going:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."

It has been my observation over these 5 years and 8 months that faith can be a great help and comfort when you are widowed/widowered, but that it will not all on its own "fix it" or "cure it." I have watched very passionate and ardent believers put all their reliance on their faith or faith communities, and they almost 100% fail. Some pretty spectacularly, too. There is no one single thing that all on its own will solve all your problems, including faith. I wish there was. I'd buy a warehouse full and give it too all of my friends who are suffering. It doesn't work that way though.

I agree with Mel - the questions you ask will make your faith stronger. That sounds like a contradiction, until you realize that when you review it, you will prove things to yourself, in your own way. I remember Cliff showing me a passage about "Make your doubts sacred" - because they bring you closer to God.

I lost my faith when Cliff died, for a time. I credit my two co-CLs here for helping me find it again. They will be shocked to hear me say that! LOL! My faith, like everything else in my life, doesn't look like it used to, but it works for me.

I hope this helps you, Diane, and I hope I haven't offended anybody either.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

My Mom used to say :"God Will Work With You but Not for You" it is my motto, and my interpretation of having Faith.

Becoming a widow brought me closer, and I am feeling sorry for those who have drifted away from their belief out of anger.

I turn to my Faith not only for comfort and hope, but in hope to get the guidance to navigate life which is full of dangerous turns, as well as temptations.
I start my day with a prayer , and close my eyes at night with the words of gratitude.
How did I get there? When I realized that I am blind without it, and God was my only hope to live life worth living.

I get what you're saying. For me, it's been, and continues to be, a tricky balance. I realize that my faith is an integral part of me, but for me it's a conscious thing of quieting down and seeing what G-d is showing me. I tend to micro-manage....even when I'm praying, and even when I don't think I am. I'm sure He's getting a good chuckle out of that one. This is a big question, and I only have a little answer. I wish I had more to say.

I think God understands when we get angry. It's human nature. He also understand why we often question what has happened in our lives. It's something that was in his plan. I try not to question why too often, but we are human and we all question why. I feel better when I have gone to church and when I pray.

Follow his will and live boldly. I believe we all know G-d's will, we just choose not to follow it in favor of our own agenda.

"I'm just a beggar showing other beggars where I found bread."

I love that quote because it explains much of the journey.
We are all beggars......seeking for something to fill the gnawing hole inside. When Bill died, that hole inside me was enormous and dark and hopeless.

After struggling with huge doubts, anger, fear etc............I came limping my way back to Jesus. And I found peace. And hope.

In the end, it's all grace.

Faith comes through believing, studying His word, and praying. Completely turning to the Lord and leaving your worries, etc. at His feet. I'm NOT saying that part is easy, but, once you do, it is a wonderful feeling.
Also, am not saying that you won't still feel pain and or anger, that is part of this life He has given us. Now, the why of that, I don't know, and probably won't know. I just trust that God has everything in His hands and knows what He is doing.
Jesus is the One who died for us, so that we are able to turn to Him and then, know that we will be with Him one day for Eternity. Remember, He suffered while here on Earth, more than we will, and did it just for US!!
Part of living this life is knowing that one day we will die to this Earthly body, but, gain an Eternal one.
Lord, help Nicker as she wades through her feelings and, please lift her spirits up. Amen
Hugs, Joely