Kgrandma, I am truly sorry for your loss! I understand exactly how you feel, my husband has been gone for 17 days, but I have not heard his voice or laid beside him, nor looked into his eyes since September 6th. Our youngest child is 18, so I have gone back to work to be an example for her to stay in school, this is her first year of college and she didn't even get to tell him about her first day. He was only 44 and I'm 41, we had our whole future planned out and now that's all gone down the drain. I don't like leaving the house because when I return, he's not there and no one seems to understand that! People ask me how I feel and my response is "I don't know" because I honestly don't know. Certainly, our lives have to improve!

My heart breaks for you both, I am at 20 months and I felt the same in the beginning of widowhood. I always thought how can the world still go on when my life as I knew it had stopped. My emotional-ness is less often but still tears run down my cheeks out of nowhere I still miss him. Self care is the most important thing for you right now. Hugs - Kim

My husband soulmate and best friend of 35 years has been gone 9 days. I miss him so much its a physical ache. I cant believe I will never see his face or hold his hand again. I went back to work 2 days ago because I know I need to stay busy but its not easy keeping it together while at work and returning home without him being there is terrible. I cant stand that hes not here enjoying life with us theres no joy in anything.

All three of us are so new to this horrible journey.. I keep hoping that I will come through this in the future but most of the posts I see on here don't give me much hope.

Please know that HOPE is the biggest thing that keeps each of us moving to the next day of our lives. In the beginning after losing our partner, that hope is elusive. Of course it is as we have just lost our other halves and a part of ourselves. When I first came to this site about 3 years ago I just needed to hear that others had survived this loss and that one day the pain would be gone or at least tolerable.. I found that hope here and it’s what has Kept me going. On my worst days I felt hopeless but I’d find that little bit of inspiration from another survivor’s post and knew I could get through that day. There were so many wise people who were so inspirational. I have not seen many of them here lately and although it can be difficult emotionally to remember the early moments I hope more of them will see how much they have to offer. The pain will ease over time and you will find that sliver of hope that will get you through your darkest times. Allow the tears and pain, I tried to avoid it by keeping busy but found that you have to go through it to begin to heal. For those of you who have faith Lean on it as you never have before and for others you will find strength in the commonality here amongst those who have walked this path. Praying, crying, reading about death and the afterlife, bereavement groups, counseling are all resources for you to look into. There are other organizations that can help, Soaring spirits international offers resources. I hope that you all find some way to get you through tomorrow. Just one day at a time.

Thank God you've got family. Seems we can try all sorts of stuff in attempts to pull us out. All mine did was make me feel like I was better and was just getting ready to pull out of it, but looking back now, all it did was mask how I was just getting worse and worse. But eventually, it turned around for me. And so it will for you at some unknown time in the future. The losses you, all who've come before and all who'll come after, sadden my heart because I know all too well what grief does to all of us. Once you are ready, just let life come to you, don't chase it, don't try to manufacture a new one, just accept it for the crappy thing it is. Have faith that time does heal. It just is never soon enough and takes far longer than I would have ever imagined -- about 3 years for me. Believe me, it will get better, but first it has to get worse. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, whatever it takes is what it takes. This is not about winning a race......this is about survival. Somehow, someway, things will work out for all of us eventually. Hang in there :) ~~~ Scottie