Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Hello Everybody,
My name is Kathy and I lost my husband last year on 3/25/2015 from a two year battle with cancer.
I am having such a difficult time of it and feel so alone that I can't stand it. We were high school sweethearts and I accidentally got pregnant in my junior year. We had our daughter and a week after I turned 18, we went to the courthouse and got married in 1976.
No one thought our marriage would last (sometimes even us, lol) but it not only latest, it flourished and grew. By the time we were 20 we had two children and a small home of our own.
My dear hubby was a romantic. He was always hugging me, just a brushing touch, it seemed like we just had to touch each other to see if it was real.
Of course we suffered hard times, mostly financial, in-laws, etc. the same thing most couples fight about. But it always brought us closer.
After our kids were married and out of the house we were blessed to go see Montana, Cape Cod, Nantucket Island, Alaska and our last trip was to the Bahames.
He was diagnosed on February 26, 2013. I took a leave from work and was with him all the time for the next two years He did remarkable well until the last month
I was laying with him in his hospital bed here at home when he took his last breath I layer with him all night knowing the end was near He was 57 years old
To me, he is the best man ever he was very handsome, stong, capable, but if you got to his heart, it was all marshmallow
I reallu dont don't know how to live it's been 16 months and I am just existing..it's the only way to put it. For the almost 40 years we were married, we ate dinner together and always went to bed together. We would snuggle for a few minutes but all through the night we had to be touching in some way. Many times we sleeped back to back but would hold hands.
Both of of my children and their families live far away I have never felt so alone and helpless Depressed most certainly I am 57 now and I don't believe I will ever feel passion or caring for another man I'm not even talking about sex really. Just human touch. I ache for my hubbies touch, his hits and kisses
When does this ever get easier? Does it at all? My doctor thinks at this point I should see a therapist and I may. I did think if I could find a forum with fair traffic with people like me, it might help
If you gotten this far, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am sorry for all that must be here Love & Hugs
Kathy
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Today I feel grateful. Grateful for my dog Blue (Blue Jean Baby Queen, Prettiest girl I've ever seen). Grateful I'm still kickin'. Grateful I'm finally taking responsibility for my health. Grateful I own my home. Grateful for good friends and neighbors who watch over me. Grateful to God for His everlasting love and patience with me. Grateful I survived the 10 years since my wife of 30 years...
My husband died very suddenly only a month before yours. We also had a great marriage that lasted 45 years. I am slowly functioning a little better, but I am still devastated and heartbroken. Some people may feel that by this time we should be "over it", but those of us who have been through losing a spouse know that 16 months is not nearly long enough to just move on from a 40 year marriage. I wish I could help you feel better. What I can do is tell you that you are not alone. We just have to take one day at a time and when the time is right for us, not anyone else, we will get through this pain. We'll never get "over it" and we'll never forget, but we'll be able to live again. I have been promised this from friends here who are further along in this hard journey.
Hugs to you,
Linda
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I as many here know, how tragic it is to loose your very best friend. It's hard to believe but time does heal somewhat. Everyone's timeline is different though. Pace yourself and love yourself. Be thankful for what you had as you were blessed far more than many with such a wonderful relationship. He will always be with you, guiding you and keeping you safe.
Love is eternal and is never forgotten.
Love and big hugs to you...
Darcie
Sorry I'm going on a tangent, but hopefully this helps you a little bit. This weekend will be my partner's first Angel-versary.
My dear hubby broke down only twice in the two years he was fighting cancer and both times he told me that he was not afraid to die, he was only afraid to leave me alone.
I knew it would be hard, I just didn't know how hard.
I still can't look at his pictures. Are any of you like that?
Kathy
My heart hears you. My husband died FEBRUARY 6, 2014. That was the day I shut down and it has been a long road. My kids has helped me and so have my parents. He was a disabled veteran and I took care of him for 18 years nearly 24/7. It leaves a big hole in you. I still have bad days but I am doing better. I will never get over him. He will always have a special place in my heart. And I know he would want me to be happy again as I am sure your husband would want for you. I know it seems wrong somehow but it doesn't mean we don't love them still. I personally think that it is the best way to honor their memory. I pray healing for your heart.
I can look at his pictures now, but yes, in the beginning it was unbearable. I hope and pray you will get to that place too.
My life has changed in ways I would have never imagined.
I had a great career and suffered a mild heart attack three weeks after he was diagnosed. I also have severe degeneration of my spine, daily headaches, and the list rolls on.
I had to go on disability and then three month after my hubby passed my brother, who was 51, suffered a fatal heart attack.
I had my Mom move in with me because she was unconsolable and I was afraid for her to be alone.
We have nobody really to help us. My son and family live in CA and my daughter and family live in KY. I live in IL.
Whaaaawaaaaawaaaaaa. That was a ton of whining. I just don't know where to go from here to try and re-engage. I have severed all relationships because I just could not get off the couch and put in any effort.
I lived for my family and now I am lost.
I am very sorry for all of your losses. I kmow everyone has there stories and fears.
I'm new here and it will take bit for me to know everyone but I am willing to listen.
Hugs to all and be kind to yourself.
You are not alone; I am so glad that you found us. Just keep coming here, whether you just read what others have to say or feel the need to post. I found a wonderful widows/widowers support group that met weekly at a local hospital during my first year that was a tremendous help to me. Last year, I started seeing a grief counselor since I have had five family members pass since my husband's death in 2010. I knew from my first appointment with him that he was going to be a help to me. You may benefit from a support group, in addition to this one, that meets locally and also a counselor. Just know this is not a short journey; you will have some good days and think you are on conquering your grief and doing really well and, bam!, the next day, you will feel like you will never ever recover from your devastating loss. It takes lots of time. Hugs to you - believe me, we all understand.
Roxanne
Your post touched my heart...i feel your sadness. Your memories are full of the pure, true love you shared with your precious husband. That will always be a part of you, It's good you are here and sharing, we are all travelling on the same road.
We are all here for you, You are not alone.
Hugs and love to you.........Sandra.