I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you are feeling because you were together for so very long. My husband passed away 11/23/12. We were married 34 1/2 years, together 36 years. He was only 55 when he passed and I was 52. I see you are in CT, I also live in CT. I have to say that the only thing that kept me going for the first 6 months was the fact that I have to go to work every day. I don't know how I would have gotten though without that to keep me sane. You are lucky to have family and friends though. I have no family nearby. Please look into support groups. I joined one for widows only, all 40's to 60's, and it has been a lifesaver. Please tell your family and friends that you couldn't possibly "get over" 64 years within a matter of months! I don't think we EVER get "over" it, we just learn to live with it, and it does get a little easier each day. Take one minute and one hour at a time. It took me a long time to stop looking way out to the future because it broke my heart every time. Sending hugs to you.

Hello,

I just have to say something about family and friends saying that we "NEED" to get over it. How dare they , have they had this terrible loss happen to them? No one will ever know the pain and hurt, the loneliness, the part where half of you has died too. If any one of you from DS has the post from Wifeless, Please print it out and give a copy to all your friends and family, it sums up to a tee what is means to have a spouse or partner pass, I sent a copy to my sister and now she understand much better why I feel the way I feel, why I do not wish to go out with friends, why I am not sleeping, all the things that come from losing your best friend, your soulmate, your everything. I will see again if I can find it if I do I wil try to post it here.
Peace and Love
Laurie

you've found the right place :) 64 years! thats so beautiful, was with mine for 15 and that felt like forever but 64 years wow. Grief certainly dosn't care about your age, you should come on this site every time you feel the hurt or have a question, a thought, ANYTHING.
there are some very wise people here and they know what they're talking about. xxx Pete

What helps through the day is my dogs. I have other lives who depend on me. I suppose ours is a boring life, but we depend on each other too. I have to get up to let them outside, give them enough fresh air, feed and water them, and take care of medical needs.
I am glad you are posting your thoughts, and I'm sorry for your loss.

I am sorry for your loss. I was with my husband almost 50 years. This is a hard, lonely time we are going through. This group is all I have had for support, within DS I would never have made it, without going crazy. They have been my life support. I have almost made it to a year. I hope and pray, you will find peace. Everyone here is just great. Pull up a chair, take your shoes off, and speak your piece. We all have....

Sandee

I found the post from Wifeless See below: Hope it's ok to put on here again.

Unique and Devastating Loss (by WifeLess)

With the death of our spouse (which here includes fiance, significant other,
partner, etc.), we grieve the loss of so much more than someone we merely
loved or were close to, like a parent, grandparent, sibling, friend or pet. We
grieve instead the loss of: The one we loved most deeply, cherished and felt
the very closest to. The one we swore commitment to in that unique human
bond of marriage, which many consider sacred. The one we shared the
ultimate partnership with to live as one and perhaps bear children with. The
one who embodied our true sense of home. The one who was our best friend
and who was to be our companion for life. The one we confided in, depended
on and trusted most. The one who really knew, understood and accepted us
as we were. The one we felt safe and protected with. The one we shared
private moments and intimate feelings with. The one we mated souls with.

But it is not just that this most precious person has been torn from our life,
as unbearably heartbreaking as that alone is. With the death of our spouse,
and only of our spouse, many additional profound losses must be grieved as
well. For we also suffer: The loss of who we ourselves were while with them.
The loss of the couple we were once half of. The loss of the life partnership
we once formed. The loss of the husband or wife role we once embraced.
The loss of the life we once lived. The loss of the plans we once made. The
loss of the dreams we once shared. The loss of the future we once envisioned.

Amidst all this, we are also suddenly confronted with many hardships we
never expected to face at this point in our life. Besides financial survival,
increased domestic burdens and perhaps single parenting, additional
challenges less apparent to others but all too real and terrifying to us. We
must now find it within ourselves: To create a new identity. To redefine
our role in life. To establish a new connection to the world. To build a new
network of social relationships. To discover a new sense of purpose. To
formulate a new set of goals. To decide on a new direction for our future.

And we must accomplish these without dishonoring our former life, but while
suppressing bittersweet memories of that life, so that they not hold us back.
Memories of happier times mostly, but also those of our spouses death,
either sudden and shocking or after prolonged illness. We must further
endure the feelings of guilt and disloyalty that follow us as we attempt to
forget and move forward, but with our heartstrings tied so tightly to the past.

And all these tasks must be taken on at the lowest possible point of our life in
the worst state imaginable. When we are the weakest, most vulnerable, most
insecure, most isolated, most heartbroken and most emotionally exhausted
we have ever been. Without that one person we long ago became accustomed
to relying on to help get us through life's greatest challenges. The one who,
just by being there, would have provided us emotional comfort and moral
support to draw upon, as well as the strength and confidence we need to
complete those tasks and so much more. But now we face all this alone.

Profound indeed is the death of our spouse. Unique and devastating. For
nearly all of us, much more catastrophic to our life than the loss of any other.
And truly comparable, many of us widows and widowers often feel, to one
other death only. Ours.

So glad you came to this site. Along with prayer and reading the bible, this site has been a source to strengthen me each day. You can express your feelings and not be criticized. What has also been encouraging is that those who have been on this journey for awhile gives us hope to go forward and live.

To all the caring people who wrote me today, I feel that I have made 20 new friends -that is a special feeling. If anyone of you could help me with my biggest problem I would be forever grateful and so very appreciative. here goes: how does one become used to living alone when she went from the comfort of her parent's home to the new life she chose to make with the man she loved. Now - the quiet of the house and the knowledge that no one shares it with me is almost unbearable - I am crying for help and you all sound as though you would be willing to do that for someone in dire need. Thank you all for being so caring to a person you have never met - you are all special. God bless every one of you - hugs from Agnes

Agnes,

You have a very wise daughter. Indeed, "Grief knows no age."

My husband died nearly 2 years ago and I never knew such pain and confusion. Over that time, however, I have found that both have gotten a bit easier since my heart and brain have reconnected. At first, my heart ruled and no matter what my brain said, my heart was having none of it! Slowly, my heart has seen the wisdom of my brain and my brain has allowed my heart to bring tears, and things are much calmer.

As far as how to handle one's grief - I wish I could tell you. Unfortunately, there is no works-for-everyone manual. I found that what worked best for me was to just let the Grief Monster hit and allow the tears to fall and the sobs to wrack. I called (actually, I screamed!) upon my Darrell to help me and eventually the tears and sobbing ceased and I was at peace again. Time DOES help heal but each of us has a different timeline.

Another thing that seemed to help me was to look back upon each step I had previously taken along this horrible path. As each month passed, I found that I actually had come a long way. Finally, I realized that I had reached the acceptance stage of grief. Darrell is safely tucked away in my heart and memories and I think of him and talk to him every day, still. And, I am at peace.

I wish the same for you and for everyone here...

Hugs,

Terry