Anna,

I cannot agree with not licing your life for the here and now.Sally and I seriously discussed the what it. We concluded we had a great and loving relationship for 31 years but the other must forge ahead and find a new special person to continue life with. I totally know that was her wish for me and have room in my heart to love, honor, respect and cherish an other beautiful woman into my life. People choose to do what they choose to do but I feel I have much to offer to the correct and special woman who needs my special attention and caring and concern! Will I meet her I ceartianly hope so because I have a lot to offer to a special girl if she crosses my path. I wish the same circumstances to all the people on DS. It may feel uour life is over but is is just beginning and keep your eyes open. If you feel as I do life is a new open book of adventure and the best may be yet to come. I had 31 years with SJ but the future could bring new love, romance and fun! Do not dscount that it might happen. Love is fickle and may find you when you are not looking for it as it has me in the past. Blessings and hugs to all of my DS friends and I only wish you positive thoughts and good things to enter your lifes in the coming days and months. I wish the best to all as we enter this time of joy for most but sadness for many of us. I wish all of my friends a Dewey of Montana Hug and peace walk with you! I wish I had the power to do more but I love all of you my DS friends nad wishyou the best at thie time of pain. Love you all! Dewman

I cannot spell my ass out of a bag! Forgive the typos I mean well. Dew

Anna,

There is no right or wrong in the decision to remain a widow or to move on and into another relationship. Sometimes these aren't even our decisions to make. The Universe (God) works in mysterious ways . . . and there might possibly be a path crossed with another when you least expect it that will change your outlook on forever being a widow. My advice is to remain open to all possibilities. Meanwhile, enjoy your "today's" and not negate life here on earth waiting for the hereafter. Your hubby would want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy . . . whatever that means to you. Big hug to you and warm Holiday regards .. Dayna

I appreciated your opinion and respect it as well. For me , however, life must have forward mobility and once again be full of the contentment that true love offers. I want a life partner to live a strong and productive life. Losing Michael has altered my life forever and he will always hold a special place in my heart. I am lucky that I have fallen in love again and am looking forward to living my life to its fullest. To borrow a quote from, The Wizard of Oz, There is no place like home.
Kymberly

I am sorry for your loss. You are free to live out your life however you choose. I am always surprised that people even need to ask this question, but it comes up all the time here. I guess it is because we frequently are pressured about it by other people who have no concept of just what it means to us to even consider another relationship.

I tell you this as someone who never expected to love again or be loved again, yet I do and am and have remarried. My husband and I wanted that for each other should one of us be left on our own. We promised each other that, but I did not believe I would ever keep that promise to him. But love has a way of finding you when you least expect it.

My new husband is not a "replacement" - nor am I a "replacement" for his late wife (he is a widower). We love each other as individuals. You can replace a pair of shoes - you cannot replace people you love. It is completely different. I can tell you that my two husbands are quite different in many ways, and it is all good.

I believe that when the time comes that we will all be together in heaven. It sounds like you are worried you will not be together if you love again here, I guess because of how your grandmother lived her life. You should make up your own mind and live your own life, and you should do that based on your feelings, not what may have been the right course of action for your grandmother 50 years ago.

As a mother, you are probably concerned about your son and how any decisions you make will affect him. I understand that as I have two sons myself and my new husband has a daughter, too. I am fortunate in that our new blended family has brought such joy and love into their lives as well. Not just me and my husband coming into our children's lives, but my sons now have step-grandparents, and after losing all their previous grandparents, this has helped them a lot.

You may only see the negatives possible, and perhaps I am unique in that I have so many positives from it, but I hope you will try to keep an open mind.

You don't mention how long ago your husband died, and if you are still within the first 3 years, it may be too early to even think about a new relationship - it varies from person to person. It can take 5 years to reach peace and acceptance with the loss and to be ready to consider it.

I hope this helps, and I want to welcome you to the group.

Love and Hugs,
Martha, Co-Community Leader

Anna,

I was 20 days shy of turning 40 the day my husband died. He died unexpectedly so there were no prior discussions about his wishes for my life if he were to die. But I know my husband loved me and would want me to be happy....HOWEVER that happiness looks for me. At this point (18 months yesterday) I have no interest in dating or remarriage and I have no intention of doing so. My name is on my husband's headstone and that is where I plan to be. I also know (based on my faith) that we plan and God laughs because only God knows what is ahead for our lives and He may have plans that are different than mine...again based on my belief which I know is not the same for everyone.

The bottom line is this...there are a lot of things on this widow/widower journey that are not "one size fits all"...things that are different for each and every one of us. You are free to remarry if you choose...if you want to. You are also free to NOT remarry. There is no universally right answer on this one...it is up to each person to determine what is right for them.

Right now I plan to remain a widow but I do want to be happy again and I do not think choosing to remain a widow means that we cannot be happy....I think in fact we can in time.

As for seeing our spouses in heaven...my faith tells me that if both people accepted Christ as their Lor and Savior then we will see them again in heaven. I believe with every fiber of my being I will see my husband again when I too am called home. I also lost my dad a few years ago and I know he said he saw my grandfather shortly before my dad died. I believe in what your grandmother experienced.

I am deeply sorry for your loss. Whatever you choose to do, do it in your own timing and not because of other people's opinions. If you do choose to date and/or remarry...you will be in no way replacing your husband. Your love for him will always remain in your heart.

I wish you all the best.

Anna, There is no right answer to this except that your husband would want you to live a happy and full life. What that life looks like is your choice. It could be with another person or by yourself; that does not matter. All that matters is you find joy and happiness on your terms.

That being said; I never planned on having another relationship. There is no replacement for my husband. And then the world laughed and gave me a wonderful man that loves me and I love him. Never a replacement, but the human heart is huge and capable of loving to infinity. I have been in a happy well grounded relationship with my boyfriend for two years now and I have never regretted putting myself out there and taking the risk.

And I know my husband would want it that way; if it made me happy. You are young just take see where life takes you and find joy.

Hugs and positive thoughts,
Valerie

My parents divorced after 27 years. My Dad remarried, but my mother, never did. She was 43 when they divorced. She died at 83. She could never get over the loss of my dad. She often said, she had wished he had died. So she didn't have to see him with another woman. She was not mentally healthy, any of her life.

At 22 months here. I don't want to live out the rest of my life alone. But at 65, its hard to find a good man. I am still working on it though. Men are like Parking Spaces, All the good ones are taken, or are disabled. lol.... you can tell I have worked in retail all my life.....lol

LOL Sandee, I love your sense of humor! You will find that man if it is meant to be. Sometimes when we least expect it. I too would like to experiece a man's love again but am trying to accept whatever comes.

My Grandson asked me; "Gram when are you going to start dating?" We all looked at each other. I just sat with my mouth dropped open. Morey's been gone 20 months and the question really caught me off guard. This particular child has no filters and can be brutally honest.

My answer was, "this is really not a good question, right now!" My son swooped him up and they went to another room for a conversation. I could hear my son say, "Grammy isn't ready to answer that question yet!"

And, Grammy isn't! Morey was a staunchly serious man and a complicated thinker. Most things in life were black & white, with many twists and turns [if it doesn't make sense, imagine living with this for more than 40 years!] I loved his personality then but could NEVER function with that type of personality now! Although honesty in anyone in my life is important and preferred......I do love someone who sees, hears, feels and touches the grays too!

I will NOT live the rest of my life without laughter......joy and laughter are the key words for the rest of my life.

If something doesn't bring me joy and laughter.......See ya! Love ya! Bye!

Roz

Ladies,

I can assure that there are nice gentlemen out there. Usually the nice ones are the shy and quiet types. I have never sought a relationship they have had a way of finding me! When you least expect it prince chaming may appear! I as many of you are keeping my heart open and have more to offer to a special someone!

My 2 cents worth!

Dewman

Roz.... been there, done that, got the shirt....lol

After being alone for 5 years I think it's a good possibility I might be alone for the rest of my life. What is wrong with that??? I am 62 and I don't know if I want to take care of another man. I can come and go and do what I want. The pressure from people to find another man is unbelievable. My dad is the worst and he is 85. I don't want just anyone-I want someone who lights me up again. If I don't find that I will live the rest of my life alone. Just what is wrong with that?????

You know I have to agree with Sandee, I am to 65 I do not want to live alone I have not been alone most of my life.
I will find another one , it will just take time Vickie