Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Circe 04/29/2018

It is my first time on here my husband passed 3/24/18 I feel like I am in a downward spiral and I can't stop it,he was cremated and I put some of his ashes in a 1 lb heart so it is not small but not big either I carry him around the house when I sleep he fits perfect in the nook of my chest if I have to leave the house he goes wih me most of the time I can't stop crying or yelling when will this let up I dont know how much more pain I can takeit takes everything I have to get out of bed most of the time I don't except to let the dogs out or go to the bathroom I feel like I am dying inside I need to know what to do now my words come out wrong when I speak I don't answer my phone you have been thru this please help me

Whitedoves 04/30/2018

I'm sorry you're going thru this. You sound like me. I'm in the Same spiral . I started grief counseling which has helped. I hit the bottom hard last week and the past 2 days I have been staying with a friend. It has helped me. The change of scenery is a bit helpful. It has helped being around people. Sitting alone with my thoughts right now , hasnt been good for me. Laying in our bed at night without him was impossible. Do you live alone? I've reread posts that others have sent me. This has also helped me. Others will have better advice for you but I seen your post and I can truly truly relate

Canwemoveon 04/30/2018

Hello.
I feel the same..in a downward spiral.
I just joined this group the other day..and I really like it so far.
My wife passed recently..on April 16,2018.

She was cremated as well.
I can't help but think of all the things we enjoyed together.
She was my best friend as well.
I've had the same thoughts as you.
I lie in bed holding her picture..thinking she is with me.
I've been ignoring my phone too..but recently have talked to friends and family
Sleep had been difficult too.
I'm planning on getting into a support group.
Circe..i just joined here too and it seems like a great thing here.
Please take care and let's all try to cope together.
Bless you

Circe 04/30/2018

living in his family's trust house right now ,that is were we have been living when he passed I told his mom to sell it ,a few days later I panicked I felt like leaving was leaving him behind and I was not ready now I am thinking maybe I should instead of every turn breaking down because everything is him and so hard to walk away from that but I think maybe I need to I don't know

Whitedoves 04/30/2018

Take your time. Dont move yet. You're not ready. I feel the same way. I want to move out of the house and put it up for sale but I feel like I'm leaving him. I realized it's too soon. I cannot let go and am still processing. Give yourself time. Dont leave the house yet. Allow yourself to grieve . You will know when you are ready to leave .

Canwemoveon 04/30/2018

Yes I know what you mean.
I'm still living in house where I found her lifeless on couch
She had many health problems..only 50 years old.
It was the scariest moment for me..finding her like that
I called 911 of course..paramedics got a heart beat going but she died 3 days later.
Our family decided to take her off life support.
So hard
How did your husband pass?

Whitedoves 04/30/2018

I can't sleep either. I wake up sweating and my Heart racing . I dream of him and sometimes I dream he is still here and things worked out differently and when I wake , I have panic attacks as I realize I'm really living this. It is tough. It is excruciating. It is the worst pain in the world. Know that I know this and others on this site know this. One of the members on here told me to sleep with one of his shirts or items. I do that. It helps a bit. But nighttime is the worst

Canwemoveon 04/30/2018

Whitedoves and you and I have the same thoughts.
Bless you both

Circe 04/30/2018

The cruelest disease there is cancer
it was horrifying watching him pass that way so much pain and nothing I ca do about it

Whitedoves 04/30/2018

I too found him in cardiac arrest and tried administering cpr. The events after were just a nightmare. I cant leave this house but cant stay here . Just take your time and grieve. Stay with people . They to limit alone time. It has helped me over the past two days. Keep his items near you and talk to him. I just started talking to him. I cry and yell but somehow it helps a little. I too have shut friends out . I dont answerthe phone. I think that's normal. There are just so many emotions .

Circe 04/30/2018

Thank you you have been very comforting

Circe 04/30/2018

I think I will go stay with my daughter she has a 2 bedroom apt. attached to the house where I will stay I have my privacy when I want it bonus I get to see 2 of my grandchildren almost everyday

Canwemoveon 04/30/2018

I lost my first wife to cancer 2o years ago. Mother of my 3 kids.
Can't believe I lost another woman who loved me so much.
Hard to get over this again
I still text her and cry out for her.
I pray to see her in my dreams
I wrote her a poem for her funeral
It's all so confusing
I was in shut down mode the last few days..but slowly feeling better I think.
True love is rare..and it hurts when one partner has to leave first
We will reunite with all that we love I truly believe

Whitedoves 04/30/2018

Yes do it!! It will help you. Go stay...be around people. My husband had cancer ,, beat it and died from a heart attack. It's senseless and the guilt I feel is tremendous. Canwemoveon, you're right. We are in the same place. It does feel good to know that we aren't crazy. Grief Is just a terrible beast. It has brought me to my knees. I bought a sealed container to place some of his items in. I want to preserve his smell. Do what you need to do to keep him near you. Take some things to the apartment with you. Little pieces of him. I think the grand kids will be a huge help. They will keep you busy.

Whitedoves 04/30/2018

Canwemoveon, I cant imagine going through this twice. My heart goes out to you. Oh my......I want to hug you right now. That's terrible . You do have the tools now to get through this. I know the feeling of losing love. My husband was my soulmate. .there will be no other. I know how you feel.

Circe 04/30/2018

I two am so very sorry for your losses going thru it once is horrible but twice so very sorry

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