I understand it Jeff. Some have told me its time to move on. Or at least made me feel that way. Its been 2years 3 months for me. I'm OK most of the time. I got used to being alone. But Brian was my one true love. I can't even make myself move on.
Rachel

What a timely post. I'm at almost 2.5 years, and just a little while ago I was thinking about how long it's been and that I am still grieving. Life has gotten much easier than it was in the early days of my loss. I've accomplished a lot, and am slowly building my new life. But I still feel very lonely and miss my husband every day. It seems like some people can heal faster than others, but for me this has been a slow journey of finding my way back to happiness. I will always miss my husband, but I am hoping I can make him proud by finding true happiness and fulfillment again. He always said, "life is too short, you have to make the best of it"
Aloha,
Lori

I was just on the phone telling a friend, just this a.m, that I will never be over my husband. I will always be in love with and love him. I have learned to accept that he is gone, forever. I still and will always consider him, my one and only true love, the one I was suppose to be with forever and after. However, I know my sean wouldnt want me miserable, and thinking of nothing but him. I have two girls, so I continue to put them first and pour all my love and effort into helping them, and that has helped me alot. I have also started doing things that are not my norm, helping others, etc... My husband would be proud that I am pushing forward, and seeking some joy and happiness. I can't imagine how you are all feeling, but I can imagine the hurt, and how bad it feels. I still have sad days, not necessarily bad days. I wish peace, and comfort for everyone. Much love and big hugs carla

Jeff....I'm truly sorry for your loss and I understand your pain. With all due respect though....I don't want your message to come across to all the new people here that there is no hope....because there certainly is! All people heal differently but to say that it never get easier or better...ever...is not fair to those new to this journey. Yes, the grief will always be with you but you and you alone are the only one that has to learn how to live with it, accept it and make a good life for yourself again. You just can't live in the past and expect life to get better. Yes...I too was together with Ira from our teen years and we were great together for 40 years. But he's gone, nothing...nothing....will bring him back. So do I sit and rehash those glorious years over and over in my head? No....not anymore. I did in the beginning...a lot....but I decided that I couldn't waste the life I still have....one that he would have loved to have kept by pining away for him. I think of him daily and smile and thank God for the life that I had with him. I will love him and that life forever but it's over. That I have to accept. You have to work at making a new life for yourself. It's hard but it's worth it. Your life and how you live it is 100% your responsibility.
To all the new people out there....always have hope. I know this is the worst thing to ever happen to you and it will take time. That word "time" seems so overused but it's true. Of course how you handle that "time" will make you or break you.
"The pain of loss won't go away if that's what we choose. There's no easy button but there is always a positive choice to accept and live and allow the pain to be replaced over time with the joy of living this life." (Wise words from tableforone)
My prayers for all of you, and you too Jeff is to find the strength, courage and love of yourself to carry on in a way that would make your lost love proud of you. You have to love them enough to let them go and create a life that will sustain you and nourish you until you meet again!
There is always hope.....believe me.....look for that pinhole of light in your darkness and pick at it until the sun starts to shine through again.....and it will. It will look different but it will shine just as bright.
Love to all of you....
Darcie

Thanks everyone. I didn't mean it to sound like it there is no hope, there is. I find it in the strangest places. I do love life and never would give up, Donna wouldn't have wanted that I know. It's just sometimes it is very hard as you all know. And to you new guys just experiencing the worst thing that could ever happen to you, just know you are not alone. I found this site 4 years ago this month about a month after my wife died. It was a blessing. It probably saved me from going crazy. It is reassuring to understand that what you are experiencing is common among us. The first year was a blur, I was numb, couldn't focus, had trouble remembering things, etc. The second year for me was worse. I believe the realization hit me when the fog lifted. I still miss her every day every hour every minute of each day. It took me a whole year before I could clean out the closet of her things.

I am way better than I was when I started this journey, but my point was this is the new normal. Grief will always walk with you from now on. It's just sometimes it walks in front of you and other days it walks slightly behind. It's just those days that when it walks in front, it's hard to get around it.

Anyway, thanks to all, take care.

Jeff

Thank you for posting this. I will be at three years 02/11/17 and felt like this year was the worst ever. I seemed to truly loose my focus. I didn't want to post anything about how I was feeling as I didn't want to discourage the "newbies" but it is good to know that I am not alone!!

I struggle daily with the loss of my husband whom I have been with since high school. I have heard so many say "time heals" well im not so sure about that. Time dulls it. I am better than I was 2 years ago but by that I mean I no longer cry 20 hours out of a 24 hour day. I do go to work, shower, shop, and I guess live but its a daily struggle not to slip backwards. I agree that everyone handles grief differently. The CL's have told me that on average its 2-5 years to get a good hold on the grieving process and that I do believe. I am extremely lonely... I miss the touch and companionship of someone in my life. I yearn for that again but I really don't have hope that I will find that again. "what is lost is lost forever" never to be replaced. Hugs to you and everyone on this journey
Lisa

Thank you Darcie

What an inspiring post! Yes while at first it may have come across a certain way to newbies, it opened the door of communication and provided us further along to be able to say "out loud" that the journey while possible, is not by any mean easy. Each day brings forth some progress and yes at times some set back. Then I think of my previous life , the one with him in my life , the life before Cancer struck and being honest , I know that it was not always smooth sailing and there were some hard times as well. This makes me be ok with the hard times of now. Life is hard! I said it, I know it, I live it! But in the end, it does make the rewards that much more precious and at 3.5+ years, I still think of him and what we had daily and have to remind myself to move forward . I know that the road ahead will eventually have some smoother sections all I have to do is just keep moving towards it.

Thank you Darcie.

Jeff, I lost my husband Dennis, 16 months ago..suddenly of a heart attack..he passed in his sleep and I found him..He was 70 years old..We were married for 50 years..At age 19 and 20...I would never want to go through those first months of loss again..the kind of I call it Heart Pain..But I made it..I've found you have to go straight through it..there are no short-cuts..I think my Granddaughter put it best..she said, "Just think Grandma if you and Grandpa, had never gotten married I wouldn't be here and neither would my other 7 grandchildren, and Dennis and Mines three Daughters..
I've come too accept this was the life journey I was supposed to travel..Some of us will have longer journey's..God, only knows why...I'm grateful for the life I shared with Dennis and miss him everyday.
But I've decided to make the best of what life I have left and enjoy my family..Tell my journey is over..The way Dennis would want me too..Is favorite thing he used to say to me if I was upset over something was...Gail get over it, better days are coming...He was very much an Optimist, with a great sense of humor...
To all you New people just starting this journey through grief..take your time, because it will take time, I know it hurts and seems like it will never end but it will, just in a different way..Don't feel guilty if one day you wake-up and find you're not crying as much, or you find yourself smiling..it's OK..Don't be afraid to ask for help..Go see a doctor if you have to it's fine....
This is a wonderful site to come too. Lots of great people here willing to share their journey.
Don't cry because it's over...Smile because it happened..Dr Seuss..Love to all..Gail...

Hi Jeff,
So sorry for your loss.
I too have lost the love of my life and my soul mate two years ago.
I know that we are never going to fully get over losing our significant other, but I am hopeful that with time passing, that our loss will become more bareable to endure as we hopefully become stronger for our loss.
The worst for myself is feeling the emptiness within of not having my wonderful husband to share my life with, especially as I age.
Jeff, my suggestion to you and to the others going through this personal pain is to go out daily just to be with people and try to surround yourself with caring family members that understand what you are going through..
May you strengthen with each day that passes.
Peace,
Carm

Thanks Carm,

I do. I started going back to Church when My wife passed. We were never big Church goers, but were faithful. She picked a little church near our house before she was diagnosed, and I kinda dragged me feet and didn't go with her. I regret that now. That's why I started going. I made her a promise and I'm keeping it. As a matter of fact I'm now an Elder in the church. I coach our Church youth football league. I have Tech nights at the church where I teach older people how to do email and fix their computers, (I work in IT). I go to the church book club once a week. I try to get out. It's better than sitting in my bedroom dwelling on the past, but I will never forget our past, I try to celebrate it. I talk about Donna all the time. I don't believe in not talking about her. One of my sons is kinda that way. He doesn't want to talk about it. I tread lightly, but I still bring her up at appropriate times. Trying to remember the good times, not the hospital times. My profile is open if you care to know some of our back story.

Take care, Jeff

I am a second timer widow and for me I feel lost But know there can be happiness again never in the same exact way but because there are many people out there who are worthy of love. I know I will never love that way again but there are other things to keep me busy and being grateful every day helps me now. I am going to try and make my life worth living again,and am not looking for anyone else either...but that's what i said after the first spouse. Life is a miracle and am seeing that again. Hugs to All :)

I can relate to this post. I found out how my partner was my most, and sometimes only, trusted person. How she becomes that emotional crutch, and one day, when she is gone, the crutch fell and I was left scrambling how to get back up. Each person's make up is different - some are more social and have a great network of friends. Some learned to adapt and to live with this loneliness and solitude. I have to learn for me to become my best ally. I have to learn to have an internal compass. I have to learn to trust others. They are hard lessons but they can be learned.

Think of it as a personal renovation project. There are defeating things/beliefs that will no longer serve you well that you need to rip apart. There are things that were OK but not great that needs a decision whether you want to keep after the project is done. There are things that you really want in your new life that you work hard to strive for. Every day is an opportunity to dream and plan and build that foundation but it takes time and sweat to get there. And the more and clearer you can dream of/smell that new life that could be yours that is when life will become happier and more hopeful.