Second time widow for me as well I am so very grateful that I had that incredible love Life is a gift and yes you can find happiness again. Hugs

Jeff I am rarely on this board now but your post caught my attention since we both go back to the beginning. Does it get better. I have to say yes for me. Do I think about Pablita everyday. Yes. Do I carry her in my heart everywhere's I go. Yes. How does it get better. First of all the intense pain and overpowering despair diminishes with time and lots of grief works ie; counselors and support groups. Eventually the intense focus on the loss shifts to the profound gratitude that you had the opportunity to share your life with such a incredible person. Memories that caused such intense pain in the early stages of the grief process eventually bring joy. Knowing that one can survive one of the most devastating losses one can experience brings a new sense of inner strength that I personally didnt know was there before. The grief journey also brought me closer to God after being angry with him for many many months. The hope I lost in the beginning I have found again. I truly believe we are all left here for a reason. Maybe lessons to be learned or to help make our families or this world a little better of a place. The love never dies but we are allowed to give ourselves permission to rebuild new and yes joyful lives living in amazement at everything the world has to offer. The best legacy we can leave our spouses is to live well as we travel to our final resting place. Sending you a big Canadian hug my friend. You will find me moderating the Widow and Widowers of faith board here on DS if you ever need a listening ear. All the best. Gerry P.S I should also mention there is no right or wrong way to grieve and all our timeframes are completely different because our life experiences are all different.

Jeff, I understand what you are saying, that some days it gets the upperhand. I still have days where I get angry that he's gone and not here to help with our sons. I have sad days where I wish he was still here to see what is going on, etc. I still get visits in my dreams from Cliff, and some days it's just the little stuff - not the big stuff - that I miss. But for me, after all this time, grief is not in the command seat anymore. I am generally pretty happy -- some days I am discontented with some aspect of my life, but for the most part I am all right.

One of the oddball things that has happened with my new life after my life with Cliff is that me and our sons have become a blended family with my new in-laws. It is not just us that is blessed by this fact, far from it, they now have a daughter and (step) grandsons, and it has brought a whole different element into their lives, which is positive. I mention this because it sounds like you are bringing so much into others' lives with the church clubs and such. I know it is hard for you not still having Donna, but there is something to be said for the valuable changes you are bringing into others' lives. Kudos to you on that.

I hope someday your grief is 10 steps behind you and doesn't catch up!

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

Thanks Gerry, Thanks Martha.

I hear you and I agree with everything you all say. About the Coaching thing. My Pastor read a letter he got from one of the players Mothers. I'm paraphrasing, but she said she hesitated letting her son play on a football team because he is slightly autistic, has been doing very badly in school, behavior problems and such. Even fighting with his siblings. Now after 4 weeks playing football, his Mother says his issues have cleared up. He is doing better in school and even treating his siblings better. She went into much more detail, but suffice it to say, it looks like we touched 1 kid. MAybe this is what I have been left here for, and if that's it, i'm ok.

Love you all, take care,

Jeff