I was married to Paula almost 34 years. We had a unique marriage. WE lived and worked together for the past 27 years . We were never apart for more then a few minutes in all these years. We had no children and no real friends for a lot of reasons including illness. But we had a fairy tale marriage. It was perfect for both of us . We were so happy just to be together doing anything or nothing. We were best friends, lovers, mates, and made each other whole.
Paula became sick almost 10 years ago and I started taking care of her . It brought us closer as I had cancer at the same time she became sick and needed a feeding tube to live. Then 3 and a half years ago she needed dialysis too. I took that over and ran her machine at home 20 hours a week in addition to all the other medical issues. She continued to work part time with me until the day before she died. She never complained about all the damage she had and being in a wheelchair at the end for a year. I kept her out of a nursing home and took all the care of her. I loved her completely . She was my life. I would get up at 4:30 Am to do all the necessary things to allow her to live at home with me.
Then on August 18 , 2015 , just under 6 weeks ago she went to sleep next to me and died .I woke up late in the evening to find her still and cold . It was so traumatic . I lost the love of my life and my reason to live. Now I am all alone at work and home. No friends and no one to talk to most of the time . I am so lonely and miss her so much. it hurts so bad. I really don't want to live anymore. She was my whole life.