My heart breaks for you ...I am so sorry you lost her. No word of wisdom can make her lost less painful and I won't give any but I will say that on this board you have found many who while being in pain just like you, will reach out and simply be there to support you. Please let me extend my virtual support and say that you can come here and share as much as you need to, there will always be someone around ready to catch you xoxo

I am so sorry for your loss. We can get used to almost anything as your amazing post attests. Taking care of your wife was a labor of love which became part of the fabric of your day. My husband passed away at home as well after a short intense battle with cancer in January. The pain does start to lessen and the grief is more muted, but the loss of your other half is still there. At six weeks your pain and loss is so fresh you can't see past it. I found counselling helped me. Hugs Patti

Your story brought tears to my eyes because like you Larry & I had a unique wonderful marriage. We didn't have children either, but with our jobs kept us busy & I worked for an Airline & was gone sometimes more than I wanted to, but Larry was always there.

When he became sick, I was able to retire early to be with him, which was a blessing. I know that I was blessed to have 38yrs together, and like you he was my whole life. I do have family & friends to lean on, but it will never be the same no matter what..

We are here for each other, so please know that.

Take care JoAnn

Like you Jeanne and I owned our own business together and were not apart except for a few hours each week. the hole that is left behind is huge when every facet of your life included the one you love. We were first blessed to have them in our lives and then to be with them all of the time. Have you looked into seeing if there are any support groups near you with a church, hospital or hospice service. Being with people especially those that can relate what you are going through is a big help. you certainly are on the beginning stages of this journey. This forum is a great place to share your fears, feelings and tears. God bless

I am so very sorry for your loss. You had a beautiful marriage and friendship. My husband and I didn't work together, but almost all our spare time we were joined at the hip. I joined a support group a month after my husband passed and it helps. Have made wonderful friendships since my husband passed, but when you are home alone that "alone" feeling does surface. We are here for you all the way. Hugs,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved. Your pain is so new and raw I know it must be hard to even function. My beautiful wife died suddenly on Feb. 13th. Everyone is different but the fog will lift and the pain will ease a bit but it takes time and perseverance. After 7 1/2 months my pain is still there and probably will be for some time but I don't feel physically ill and in misery all of the time and am thinking much clearer now. You'll hear take baby steps mentioned a lot and it's true, minue by minute day to day. Take care of yourself and we are here with you. ~Pete

My husband of 53 years passed on 7 weeks ago after a hard 8 months with brain cancer. I also took care of him and kept him at home which I'm so glad for. I wouldn't have missed those last months for anything. Now of course there is such a terrible hole in my heart and life. I feel every emotion you're talking about. I hope talking to others who have walked this path is helpful. I feel so alone - let's try to help each other with communicating and finding a way to cope. Susan

If you remember nothing remember this....what if the tables had been turned, would you want her to go on.....i ask myself that daily and sometimes several times a day. Trust me losing your bestfriend is so horrific...but we are now your friends, please know you are NOT alone. I had to attend a griefshare group. I have ptsd now...i wasnt there when my husbabd passed away, but im the one who found him crushed under his truck...so i know all about not wanting to go on...then i think..if it was me..i wouldve wanted sean to go on...and remember im at peace..no more suffering, but only when its my time to go. Its not your time to go...you have purpose and we think your special wife would say the same thing. Big hugs carla

Thank you all for your kind sympathy. It helps to hear fro others. Sorry to all of you who have lost spouses or significant others.
The weird thing in our case is we always talked about everything. We had great communication. But the one thing we never talked about was this possibility. Paula always said if I went she would go too as she didn't want to live without me. She never told me what I should do if she went first. She went so fast I never got tom say goodbye or ask her what I should do. She always gave me great advice when I needed it but on this we failed.
She ways such a wonderful woman. The good seem to die too soon. Today I had a really bad day and cried a lot. My heart is broken.

My deepest sympathy goes out to you. Reading about your loss and all you went through to take care of her is very heartwarming. It was a true love story. You were so fortunate to have had her and her love. My husband died almost nine years ago. It was sudden. He had a massive stroke and died six days later. I never got the chance to take care of him. He was fine till it happened. There were no words said that would comfort me. We were very close and together all the time.
I found a bereavement group at church. It helped tremendously. You won't feel so alone if you join, whether it be at a church or Hope Hospice. The grief has to be handled one day at a time. You will work through it slowly. People do care and will be willing to help. This is an excellent place to come to express your feelings. I feel your pain as does everyone here. It will take time
to heal . Strength will come. Hugs, Dolores

funny thing. is sean was telliing me just a couple weeks before he passed away.. that he would outlive me, because of all off my medical problems, and that hed live till he was in his 90s because he grandpa lived that long.. so we had prepared for my death, and not his... and then he passed away. All I can say, is please know, there are alot of us praying for you.. Just take one minute at a time, do things to keep your mind busy. It doesnt get easier, you just start to realize that you must push forward the best you can, a little at a time, and as long as you need.. there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I had one of those I just cant go on the other day.. then my daughter said.. what about us.. dont you love us enough to stay.. big hugs carla

I am so sorry you lost your beloved wife, Paula. My husband, John, died just 13 days before, on August 5.. We were married for 30 years, but it is never enough, is it? I hope you can find it in your heart to remember the wonderful memories and the bonded love you had for each other. Sometimes, I take out my photo albums and look at us 30 years ago and it gives a greater perspective of our lives together.

I want to commend you for your courage, strength and loyalty in taking take of your wife at home, instead of placing her in a nursing home. That was your ultimate act of devotion and loyalty, to keep her safe and under your medical control at home. My John had to go in a nursing home and hospital for 3 months and I so wanted to take care of him at home, but he was too acute. I was right there at his bedside day and night, hawking and monitoring the nursing home staff and his meds. You were so brave and lucky to keep her home with you. I am more traumatized about the harrowing hospital and nursing home pain and suffering, than John's actual death.

Please be reassured that we are all here for you on DS, and totally understand your despair at being alone and not wanting to live. As far as you being alone at work and at home, remember that family and friends cannot ever heal your grief, only time. You just need to be alone now, with your own thoughts, even staring out the window in contemplation and memory of your wife.

Just remember, she would want you to go on living and have some peace and comfort, but we all are with you in this journey of grief. Stay with us.
Take care.
Hugs and sunflowers. Nanette

Everyone's story is different and yet we all share one thing the same......The LOSS of our partner.

Some of us got to say "goodbye" some of us didn't. Some of us were married for many years, some of us for just a short time.

It doesn't change the LOSS.

We understand each others pain. And painful it is!

We are truly here for each other and understand each other and their grief for that LOSS. Life will never be the same for us.

Roz

I'm sorry for your loss. I can feel your pain, you are very blessed to have had such a wonderful relationship. There are people who have never had a good relationship. You lost what a lot of people never had. I feel sorry for people who have never experienced an unconditional love like you had and I also had that with my husband.
Take good care of yourself. Grief is a journey. Be gentle with yourself. I'm glad you found us on ds.

Antonella

Wow. There is so much love here. We all knew love, it was suddenly gone from us, and now we get to discover this love within ourselves by pouring it out into others to help them on their journey. Wonderful. Just wonderful. Its all about learning to love ourselves and others. Maybe our special ones aren't really gone from us after all. God bless you ~ Scott