Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

My Husband has been gone 9 weeks, 4 days

mzmazz700
mzmazz700

I came here to look for support like many others, I lost the love of my life on May 31st 2017 after a 2-1/2 year battle with stage 4 lung cancer. I came here looking for hope that things will get better, I do not want to hear one day at a time again for the rest of my life because that is a lie for us that are going through it it is more like one second at a time most of the time. Everyone says how proud they are of me on how I am handlig things right House check, cars check, bills check, what they don't see is the crying to and from work and screaming at him for leaving, like he had a choice in the matter right. This man never broke a promise to me in the 24 years we were together I had his servie on our wedding day 23 years. He promised me 40 more years like he had a say so in it. I knew it was unrealestic but hopeful for at least a few more years. He tried really he did. This is a man that walked (he could only walk short distance he owas on O2 24-7) across the stage to graduate college 2 weeks before he passed, and it was a long stage, with our son in tow having his dad's back if he needed to sit (they had a plan lol) I was ready to hurt him when I saw him keep walking. I was crying, so proud we were of him. This man quit school at 16,


We come here for support and looking for a glimpse of hope that things will get better, maybe not today but someday. By me there are not many support groups for widow/widowers they only have them during the day I know I am old (60) but not retired and most widows are retired I guess. So I came here for support.

vwidow
vwidow
It's true, one moment (second) at a time. My fun nowadays is just getting things done. Powerful music can help again when I'm angry; sleeping or reading and videos when I'm miserable, which is more lately. The loneliness of losing your partner is different than the loneliness of never having one. Longing is everyday, and a listless feeling. I can't tell you things will get better-- I'm 6 months in and feel worse in a way...I only have Jesus to set my mind and hope on, because I know he holds all things together and has control of all souls. There lies our only hope.....
avmom
avmom
I sure hated when people told me to take it one day at a time. Yes, one minute at a time is all you can do at the beginning. I am 5 months into losing my husband and I can tell you from my experience it does get easier. I still burst into tears but they are less. Sometimes I will find something of his and can now look at it and remember him fondly without totally losing it. It has been a hard road. The hardest part has been the loneliness but I am starting to work on that. I have started reading again, something I have always loved but never felt I had the time. I am making the effort to see my friends more and do things with my kids. I remember counting the days waiting for them to turn into weeks and then into months. I felt once I had some time under my belt it would be easier and for me it was. You took the first and most important step and found this group. It will provide you with hope and support. Post as often as you like, it helps.
roxanne809
roxanne809
I am glad that you found this site and am so sorry for the reason that you have joined. You will receive all sorts of advice from your family and friends who haven't traveled this road. Friends/family will tell you how "well" or "strong" you are having no idea how difficult losing a spouse can be. It doesn't help to tell them either because they will not understand, and you will simply become more frustrated with them. Unfortunately, until you have lost your husband or wife, you simply cannot relate to the feelings of helplessness, aloneness, loneliness, etc. For now, it may be good that you are not yet retired. I turned 60 six months after my husband passed away, and I continued to work even though I was eligible for retirement. I still have not taken that step. Working helps given structure to my life, and it has helped to be out and among people even though that was very difficult in the beginning. Also, I attended a day-time widows/widowers support group and was able to charge that time to intermittent FMLA leave. Not sure if that is an option for you but thought it worth mentioning. Keep coming here. You will find genuine caring people who want to help. Roxanne
Lielie
Lielie
This site has helped me cope, I am only 43, my husband was 45. Tomorrow will be 5 months. Me and the kids, 20 and 18, talk about moving a mm at a time, not even a day, at a time. Sometimes I get knocked back a whole meter, then I start to move again, just a mm. Sometimes my mm takes a week, I know tomorrow I will be knocked back some, Sunday at 16h16 it will be 22 weeks, will get knocked back again, but Monday morning I start my mm again. I don't count how many mm's I have moved, I just concentrate on getting my mm done. Strength and hugs to you, and please, talk as much as you want here, we are all in this unfortunate"club", and here people know what you say and feel.
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