Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members

19,465 Posts

0 Online

gregsbabygirl 01/26/2016

I just got a FB message from my husbands first wife asking for some of his ashes for the son they had (he's almost 15 now). My husband had a very bad marriage with her and after the divorce she left state and moved really far so he couldn't have contact. She never gave him her address/phone number/email, nothing so he could stay in touch with him. He tried to reconnect almost 4 years ago at my suggestion (he found her on FB), and he really did want to reconnect but she just kept yelling at him about everything that happened in their marriage. My husband would be so upset/hurt/angry after those conversations, which I felt those emotions too! I'm a nice person but I really don't feel comfortable with giving her some. She's never had at least one good thing to say about him! We had our moments but I can think of a million and one reasons why I loved him :) Should I send some?

jeffpatton 01/27/2016

I guess I'm the opposite.

I shared my wife's remains with family, only kept a small amount for myself...

It might be different if the request came from an Ex... but if it's for the child, I'd say get a small vial and give him some... a few grams at least.

Seems like the ex doesn't want any for her... so it doesn't matter that the kid is 15, if he's wanting a piece of his dad, this should be the opportunity to heal and accept what's happened.

barbarame 02/01/2016

YOU had his love. You can afford to give to his son xxx

carrie415 02/01/2016

I was widowed my first time many years ago. I had two children, infant and 5 year old sons. The are adults now. Although they don't remember anything of their father, they cherish everything that was his. Yesterday was the death of their fathers demise and they still feel the loss. Don't underestimate the sorrow and turbulence an adolescent is going thru. As I stated earlier, don't punish him for his wacky mother, be the better person and give him some of the ashes. I couldn't sleep nights if I refused to give it to him.

wendimac 02/02/2016

Don't send the ashes if you don't want to...do what YOU want to do..if you want to give something to his son, maybe a piece of jewelry, or a jacket or some other personal effect that your husband owned would be better...but again, do what you want to do..don't let his ex bully or guilt you into anything.

Shrn 02/02/2016

Closed by request.

Join the Conversation