Yes, don't blame the son for his crazy mother's actions. You are doing it for an adolescentMy late husbands mother tried to connect with him when he was 16 and he refused,,he regret it for the rest of his lifeSend it to him, that just makes you the better person

If you don't trust her, (which sounds to be the case, can't say that I blame you,) here is my suggestion. Tell her you will put aside some ashes for his son and he can have them when he is an adult, say at age twenty one. That way you are not punishing the son for the mother.

However, if you don't want to give up any ashes, don't. He was your husband, you have final say. Hope this helps clarify.

Hugs,
Val

I question if she is being truthfull, I can't imagine a young boy at 15 wanting some ashes. I would ignore her and block all communications and deal with your own needs. Sharon

I agree with Sharon, I can't imagine a 15 year old wanting ashes!

I think Sharon is right. It doesn't sound like something a 15-year old would want. If you have had no communication from the son himself, then no, don't send anything. If you are going to scatter your husband's ashes, you can always invite the son to wherever that might be. The ex sounds like such a nasty piece of work that it would not be surprising if she had some nasty plan for the ashes. I wouldn't send them.

Just my two cents....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I agree with Sharon.

His ashes belong to YOU. I will NEVER separate my husbands ashes for anyone. They belong in tact.

If his son asks for some, let him know that he is welcome to come and visit his father but his ashes will remain with you.

I find it so amazing how people's feelings change after someone has died. Really!!!!!

JMHO!

Roz

My husband also had children from a previous marriage and I have decided to have some keepsakes made for them to hold some ashes. For me, it is about the kids and only the kids. If you're not sure if his son would want them, you could always but them aside for him until he's older. Being a teenager, he may not be ready for that right now (my dad passed when I was 13), but once he's grown he may feel differently. It took me along time to accept the death of my dad, so I want all of our children to have a keepsake, as the things I have from my dad mean so much to me now.

God Bless you and give you peace in whatever you choice to do
Mel

It's for his son, but your wishes come first. Could you consider giving his son some of the ashes when he is of age? And he comes to you requesting the ashes. It's possible that this is something he may not want. At any rate, it could be years or he may not ever make the request.

I went through a similar experience with an ex girlfriend of my husband's. In her case it was photos. I was going to throw them out because she was nothing but a pain when he died. One of the kids later took them and gave them to her.

At the end of the day, he was married to you, you have the final say. Everyone else can leave you alone.

Thanks you guys for all the support! I was so shocked/surprised by that message this morning I had lost sight of I made out my living will and last will and our baby gets all of my DH when it's my time.

For those that asked if the son had talked to me, nope not a word. I understand he was his first born but she got remarried soon after they divorced (he was about 4/5 years old) and the mom told him her new husband was his dad.

I have been gracious enough to send them a lot of pictures of him, however Roz you said it best, he belongs to me

On the first Christmas after Ken's passing we opend the urn. I had perchased necklaces for all us girls and for my son and grandson's key chain with capsules . My son put what ashes we could find in them. I wear mine often.
They didn't cremate Ken properly his bones are like coral in there they didn't pulverize them so not much ash.
I would buy a special little capsule and put some in. Doesn't sound like this young man would ask for them.

I didn't have that problem, but my son at first wanted ashes. I didn't want to give him any, especially because my husband didn't like Arizona at all. He changed his mind which is good, because I wasn't going to give him any. I think my husband would have haunted me forever.

I held onto his ashes for a little over a year, and then I did what he had wanted me to do. There wasn't any funeral. My husband's wishes were clear, and that helped.

I lost my father at a very young age, and my loss grew with me and followed me throughout life.
I would not have the heart to deny a teenager something that could be help for some kind of memorial event, or 'token of remembrance' item.
The funeral home can do all communication and hand over a portion.
Feelings about the ex, or her presumed dishonest motive could be assigned to the boy, but that diminishes the boy as a separate person who WILL be dealing with his own loss.
As for waiting until he is a certain age: Grief evolves during our whole life. it waits for no one, and neither does death.
Not trying to be morbid or anything, but the boy could get in a car wreck and never make it to your chosen age of inheritance.
A child does not "inherit" grief. It is his own, both now and in the future.
Allow the appropriate Funeral Home staff to go-between you and the boy. he may need both a memorial event of some kind, at some point, AND a small token of remembrance of his father to keep during his life.
Grief has a life of it's own.
Isn't that why we are all here?

HUGS.

I appreciate the sentiments of others that are still posting on here but as I've said before it's already in my last will that my husband's and my baby will get the ashes.As I will say again I have sent many pictures to him of his dad. As far as funeral home, I already have them and why would she wait almost 6 months to ask for some? Plus she's like 7 states away from me. Again our baby will get his ashes :)