I'm not sure if I qualify as a widow/widower, and this person was just my boyfriend.  We were so in love and all of our friends knew it.  We both have this tough exterior that would shatter everytime we were with each other and people noticed.  I was ready to spend my life with this man, and then March 3, he was on his motorcycle and was hit.  We all knew from that day that he was not going to make it, but March 5 is when he was pulled off life support.  He changed my life in so many ways, and now that he is gone, I am at a total loss.  Sure, his family and friends are grieving as well, but they are grieving for the loss of a family member or friend.  I am grieving the loss of someone I was in love with.  Being around all his friends helps, but at the same time all I think is "he supposed to be here with me, I'm not supposed to be alone".  And while the amounts of support I have gotten from family and friends is enormous, I still just feel like it's just me against the world, all alone.  I should add that he had just turned 23 March 1, and I am only 22.  I know they say it will get easier, and I should stay strong, but when does it get easier? This isn't supposed to happen, especially not this young.  And as for staying strong, isn't this when I'm allowed to break? If I don't break now, I will break later.  He was the kind of person who stopped to help people and animals at the side of the road, we never once argued, in fact, he never argued with anyone because he was such a happy, selfless person.  He tried to make people happy no matter what kind of day he was having. 

I just don't know what to do. I know it's only been a week and a half, but it hurts so much and I have no motivation to do anything, work, school, workout (which he was obsessed with and was trying to get me to do it, but now I am telling myself to do it because he would've wanted me to, but I cant bring myself to go), and I feel like everyday I am just a sad, numb, shell of a being going through day to day routines.