Kim . . I'm not sure I'm understanding this correctly. Are you mortified that "they" asked for you to have this job offer without permission or request from you? Are you are mortified that you don't feel you deserve or asked for it yourself? You mentioned feeling like the poor-trash part of the family . . is it a self-esteem issue? Are you feeling mortified that you should be grateful, but don't feel so grateful? Is it about wanting to make your own way in the world without interference of other do-gooders? Sorry to pose the questions, just trying to understand and make sense of your situation. Do you think they meant well, or do you feel totally manipulated?

My two cents is that they offered you the position because you are a good employee, they need someone they could trust and they respect you. I would think that hurting you was the last thing on their mind and you received the job offer on your own merits.

Ok three cents worth!

My thoughts! Peace to you Kim.

Dewman

I'm a 54 y o woman with a mind of my own. I'm extremely embarrassed that they think they can go to the public with what they think are my problems, behind my back. Sorry I wasn't clear enough for you.

What I am taking is that due to circumstances they felt you needed a job? And maybe they felt you could not get one without them?

And they aired your circumstances to this company to get them to hire you? Is this position a good one? Is it a good opportunity? Is it something you would even want? Is it an embarrassment to take it? AND would it help you out if you were able to take it?
So many questions I know just trying to understand why someone would do something that would hurt you....was it on purpose or just not thinking about your feelings? Why did they not ask you if they could ask this company if they could help you out with a job? I hope you can hold your head up high and straighten it out. Good luck

Although I can understand you being angry that you weren't consulted, or even told first, it sounds like she meant well..maybe next time you talk to her let her know that you don't want that kind of 'intervention' in the future...and tell her why.
I totally understand the feeling of being the 'poor 'trash' of the family', because it's that way with me too...my husband and I were always seen as the black sheep, by both of our families...and I know that certain members of my family see me as a chronic 'fuck up', given that I didn't finish college, have had shitty jobs when I have been employed at all, and can't seem to get my shit together financially...I am 45 years old. And I could care less what anyone thinks. Long story short? Try to push it out of your mind and not let it bother you too much..and don't ever refer to yourself as 'trash'...because you're not.

Okay, I get it now. No need to apologize for not being clear enough, I just wasn't sure how to respond appropriately. You felt they went behind your back with your privacy being invaded. Get it. I would be upset also. They probably meant well, but I do get your hesitancy to accept such an offer in this case. So sorry. Hugs, D

I just wanted to pour my heart out and receive support. They never did this when Don was alive, and I'm surprised they are doing this now. In my angst I didn't make myself clear so I understand everyone's confusion. I haven't felt like I have belonged to anything since Don died, so when I heard the message that my former boss wanted me back, I was elated to feel like I belonged some where. I was happy that I was happy! I haven't felt like that for so long. So when my B I L told me that they wanted me back because his wife had a talk with the owner, it crushed me, my heart and soul. He didn't have to tell me that. His wife didn't tell me. So I'm hurt to the core even if they have good intentions, they shouldn't have done that.

I think you need to ask your former/prospective employer why they offered you the job. My guess is that they were sorry to lose you in the first place when you had to stop working to care for Don, and upon hearing that you might be available again they leapt at the chance to get you back. It is likely that it is IRRELEVANT whatever your SIL said. Chances are that what is important was that your old boss was notified you need a job and he wanted to get you back before somebody else hired you.

If you were a terrible employee, no amount of asking on your SIL's part would have made a tiny bit of difference. I think your BIL is a pompous idiot, trying to make you feel like you owe them something. Screw 'em.

I understand why you're upset, but I would not take your BIL's word for it. Talk to your old boss and get the truth. That's what I would do.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

P.S. - If the job helps you out, I would take it.

Kim:
I agree with Martha. You have every right to be angry and hurt by your BIL and SIL and their behavior. However, it is highly unlikely that your old boss sought you out simply on their word. It is far more likely that your old boss heard you were available and said "Dang, better snap her up before someone else does."
Good employees are gold. No amount of pleading could get me to hire someone if I didn't want to work with them. Talk to your old boss. If the job fits, if it makes you happy to think about working there, then do it! Ignore the rest of the nonsense for what it is, nonsense.
Hugs,
Val

Hi Kim,
It is good that you were elated with your job offer!!! This could be the very gift you have been asking God for....you have this opportunity,
If your B.I.L wants to take The Glory for God's answer to prayer, so be it! He has to answer to that.
This opportunity is a cross road and a way for you to tangibly move forward, towards freedom from the overbearing attitudes some of your family members. Yes, God answers prayer, if it is in His will.
Your employers want you there, because you have the character of a loyal, worthy Employee.....Love U......Sandra

I do agree with the others, if you hadn't been a good employee they wouldn't have you back. if you are able and want to work there then you should take the job offer. Then talk to your sister in law about how her discussing your situation made you feel. big hug -Patti

My take,
Same as Martha's, your BIL should have kept his friggin' mouth shut, period. I really like Martha's description of him (pompous idiot). It may well have been your inlaws way of helping you without you feeling that they had to help you. It's unfortunate when something positive comes your way and somebody screws it up. I can only suggest that if you need the job, take it and try to look on the positive side and the H*ll with the rest.

Geo.

Why do some people think they can say and do whatever they want with our lives?

This may be a fault in my stars......but, I give NO ONE permission to hurt me.

The moment a conversation begins that I believe will lead to my being hurt or my feelings being dismissed, I close it down! Sometimes it leads to others being hurt or feeling dismissed but I have to protect me now! My biggest defender died and it's up to ME now to take care of me!

Roz

My youngest son, does that all the time. Just the other day, he called the local school supertendent and asked him to hire me. I am retired and not looking for a job. I could live comfortable if not supporting others. I have never asked for help in these 29 months. He thinks I need a new car. Mine is fine, as long as I don't have to go to work in it every day. lol..... No telling what working would do to my health? My neck disc is out again, loosing my site, from diabetes. I want the rest...lol I just ignore him.