Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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More alone than ever

Wurldtravler
Wurldtravler

I lost my husband in an instant after 28 deliriously happy years. I am 16 years old than he was. It's been nearly 3 years and I am more alone than I felt when he died. That morning we had breakfast in bed and laughed at the weather report on tv. As I was getting out of bed to get in the shower, he asked me to come back and give him one last hug. It was so special as we both commented. When I got out of the shower, he wan't breathing but his heart was beating. He looked like he was sleeping. He had a brain aneurism and death was instant. I performed CPR until they came to get him. He was on life support for 3 days while they looked for organ recipients. I stayed with him holding his hand and sleeping next to him. He was a gift from God. I am sure of it and it's why he didn't suffer. I am grateful for the time we got to be together and treasure every memory. But as time passes I feel more and more invisible and alone. I've met a few men who are only interested in getting into bed with me. I only wish for a friend to laugh with and have lunch with once in a while. They don't understand that I didn't lose him by choice or divorce and that we were so in love. I just wish I could join him and pray every day that I can. i just don't know where to turn anymore.

vwidow
vwidow
Wurld, there are men out there who will just be friends you just have to find them and be open with them about what you want or don't want. Old bachelor's are probably a better choice than old divorced. It's sick and sad how many divorced on dating sites. Just hold together. We feel so alone because the great space / time they took in our lives is now vacant. Let's draw closer to God ("Draw close to God and he will draw close to you") and keep facing the future come what may. Be strong
Wurldtravler
Wurldtravler
Thank you vwidow. I appreciate your comments. I'm trying. God bless you
pahatfi
pahatfi
so glad you had that last hug. my husband died so suddenly we didn't have a last I love you or a goodbye. we knew for two years that he was going to die sooner rather than later, so we did talk about his going. didn't make it any easier for me to lose him almost two months ago
roxanne809
roxanne809
Wurldtraveler, I, too, had a wonderful husband and am lost without him. It seems as if I am just trudging through life instead of actually "living" it. It has been seven years for me, and my loss has been compounded by losing my two brothers, their wives, and my sister since his death. I have been seeing a therapist, and I am also working on my faith. This just isn't easy. Roxanne
Wurldtravler
Wurldtravler
Roxanne, I decided yesterday that I have just been going through the motions of living. When I wake up in the morning, I tell myself that I need to get some things done and move forward with my life. I need to change my path. but as the day wears on, I realize I haven't done a thing and am just waiting for bedtime to get the day over with. Nearly 3 years later, I repeat that same process daily. Today I decided to change my routine and think of something to do to get out of this rut. I realized I'm really just waiting to die. My children would be horrified to know my secret. So today I signed up for a real estate class to get my license. I'm 68 now and know no one will hire me, but I don't care. I feel I need to accomplish something, anything. I've gone back to church and pray every day since he died, but it isn't enough. We have to make ourselves do something to change what we're doing now because there's still life to live whether we like it or not. So, blessings to you Roxanne. Keep moving forward, or start moving forward. Maybe we both need to stop thinking so much about the past and start looking forward to what might be around the corner. They will always be in our hearts.
Wurldtravler
Wurldtravler
Pahati, I wish I could help take the pain away from you. You may not have had a last good-bye or hug, but you had 2 years of hugs and love and both of you knew it was coming to an end. Would you have given up that 2 year warning for not a second of warning? I'm sure that during that time you both, in your hearts, were saying good-bye for now. I am 100% positive that we will all be together again after we die. I know this for a fact and it's what keeps me going really. I also have realized that I have dreams almost nightly with my husband in them. I force myself to remember anything at all as I wake up to know if he was in it. Yes, almost every night he's in it. It's always mundane, like shopping together or mowing the lawn and working together or just driving in a car to nowhere. But he's always in the dream somewhere. It's sometimes just a flash or just knowing he's in another room, but this is where I get my comfort from. Pay attention and before your eyes even open think about your dream. You just might be surprised. God bless you and may He help you in your time of grief.
pahatfi
pahatfi
wurldtraveler thank you, it was a good two years together. I think I did some of my grieving over that time. I do miss him a lot. I don't know if I could have stood the pain if he had passed with no warning. it was hard watching him get weaker as time passed. I took a years leave of absence, then quit my job to take care of him. and that was my pleasure to do, he was told not to drive any more, so I did all the driving to dr appointments and three times a week to dialysis.
roxanne809
roxanne809
wurldtraveler, you are so right in your reply to me, and I appreciate your taking the time to respond. I wish you well in your class. Roxanne
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