Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I get really angry when people talk about how you can find another man and be happy again. They say the marriage is over when the spouse dies. The relationship is ended. You are no longer married. When you continue to wear your wedding rings, and his, you are just refusing to accept that the marriage is over.
Well, in life, God says that the two shall become one. Then all of a sudden, we are ripped apart. When Jesus ascended into heaven, did that end our relationship with Him just because He wasn't on earth anymore? If your child dies, are you no longer a parent? It says in the Bible that in heaven we will not be given in marriage, but it doesn't say that if we were married on earth, we won'tl have that love relationship in heaven.
How can a marriage be taken so lightly when death takes one half of the union? Our life was together, closer than any other relationship. Now it's just to be be buried in the ground and go on like you were moving to a new planet with no memory of the life on earth?
As you can tell, I am still angry about losing my husband to lung cancer, and feel further abused when people act like I should be living a new life like an actor in a play instead of a real person. How can we say we valued the relationship if we just get over it in a hurry and get a new Ken doll.
I am married to Joe even to my own death. I will honor our love and exclusive relationship as long as I live. I talk to Jesus even though He isin heaven and I talk to Joe even though he is in heaven. I fell so disrespected when people act like I am in denial and "these things happen". I'm rambling. Sorry. But I was feeling angry about this especially when the last session of my grief support group last week said that it is a myth that I am still married.
Well, in life, God says that the two shall become one. Then all of a sudden, we are ripped apart. When Jesus ascended into heaven, did that end our relationship with Him just because He wasn't on earth anymore? If your child dies, are you no longer a parent? It says in the Bible that in heaven we will not be given in marriage, but it doesn't say that if we were married on earth, we won'tl have that love relationship in heaven.
How can a marriage be taken so lightly when death takes one half of the union? Our life was together, closer than any other relationship. Now it's just to be be buried in the ground and go on like you were moving to a new planet with no memory of the life on earth?
As you can tell, I am still angry about losing my husband to lung cancer, and feel further abused when people act like I should be living a new life like an actor in a play instead of a real person. How can we say we valued the relationship if we just get over it in a hurry and get a new Ken doll.
I am married to Joe even to my own death. I will honor our love and exclusive relationship as long as I live. I talk to Jesus even though He isin heaven and I talk to Joe even though he is in heaven. I fell so disrespected when people act like I am in denial and "these things happen". I'm rambling. Sorry. But I was feeling angry about this especially when the last session of my grief support group last week said that it is a myth that I am still married.
It'll be two years for me in two days, I think that I love and miss my husband more than ever now, some days it seems to be easier, others harder. But I also know that I wasn't looking for love when Fabian and I found each other, it was something amazing and wonderful that just happened to us. So how can I know what will happen to me in this life in the future? But I do find it hard to believe that there might be anyone else as wonderful as him out there...
It is a problem however when we go on to say, "they must not have loved their husband or wife as much as I did because they did this or that." We never ever know exactly what each other have experienced unless we walk in each others shoes.
I know and my husband knows in heaven what we had and that it was something that very few people will ever experience in a lifetime. I do not have anything to "prove" to anyone and I will not spend the rest of my life "proving" my love for him by being sad. Now I would not even attempt to try to say what anyone else's husband would think because I do not know them. My husband would be furious if I was not living fully.
I don't know that any of your husbands would want you to be happy or unhappy, or find someone else some day, or not find someone else some day, or wear your wedding ring, or not wear it. I don't know what will bring you comfort and joy or not bring you comfort and joy.
My hope is that each of us do what works for us no matter what that is without judgement from each other.
This is a hard enough journey without us deciding how others should grieve, or what others should or should not do.
My hope is that we only share what works for us and if that same thing works for someone else...well, then we have helped someone else.
hugs to all...
-Diana
Debbie
hugs....
-Diana
Kathleen
It's only been 8 weeks for me, but I look forward to a time when I can even remotely consider sharing what's left of this life with anyone. I've never met anyone as amazing as she was. Full of morphine that last week, Mary mumbled a rambling whisper no one could make any sense of, and then looked at me with blue eyes (that used to be dark brown?) and said plain as day "I Promise I will never leave you ".
Although, diagnosed 3 years ago, we knew that she would be leaving the physical world before me...but only the physical world. We're still tied by families, kids, pets, property, memories.
I can't imagine I'd have much to offer to anyone for a long long time, even if I could. I may in the future, though.
I'm with the others, Leave that support group. Stay online in your bunny slippers, and enjoy your time with Joe and your friends here.
bostonjules
It's been 5 months for me. I have no intention of taking off my wedding rings. I am still married heart and soul to my dear husband. I feel him all around me; in the daytime when I drive the car, in the night as I try to sleep. Sometimes it's just a sniff, a smell that tells me he's near. Other times it's lights flickering, or a gentle pat on my shoulder as I toss and turn in bed.
I'm with the rest - leave that support group. They don't know what they're talking about.
Hugs
We are all very unique individuals and each of our paths will differ from the others. Although we are all together on this crummy grief journey, our futures will not all be the same.
I have no clue what God has planned for me and my future. I am trusting in HIm and that He knows what is best for me and the desires of my heart. I truthfully don't know if I would ever want to re-marry. It is way too early for me. (almost 5 months). I will never again love someone like I love Bob. But, I also know God is Sovereign !!
I will keep on wearing our wedding ring and I know I am still married to Bob. I wear his wedding band on a gold chain around my neck and feel him when I slip it on my finger.
So, to each his own!! I wish each of you God's blessings as you go along this journey.
Hugs, Linda
Tru