Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Lost Time

porkchopcash
porkchopcash

I lost my husband suddenly on September first.  We have a 14 year old and a 9 year old- both girls.  I think that they said he had a heart anurism.  He collapsed on the floor.  His face and hands turned blue almost suddenly.  I tried to do CPR but he never came back.  I was mad at him a few minutes before he collapsed because I thought he was taking too long in the bathroom and I needed to take a shower and get ready for work.   I was so hysterical that I know the first few moments of CPR I did not do right.  I forgot to hold his nose.  It keeps playing over and over in my head.  I keep seeing him.  I try to pinpoint the moment that he left me.  I remember watching the screen as the emt's were working on him and seeing a flat line in between their chest pumps.  I knew before they told me.  And now he's just gone. He's gone.  And I can't get any moments with him back.  I think of all the times that I could have and should have just put down what I was doing and spent time with him.  I'm so numb my whole body hurts.   

scottito
scottito
I am so very sorry. Take it minute by minute. Try your best not to go into the What-If's, does you no good and not a one of us can ever turn back the clock as much as we want to. Stand strong with your daughters and grieve together. Don't be afraid to let them see you cry. They need you more now than ever before. And you've got to take good care of yourself for them Mom. Love your girls, get plenty of sleep, drink lots of water and eat. Everything else can wait. God bless and comfort you in this your time of need. ~~~ Scottie
munmun
munmun
It's hard , trust me it's very very hard . Been 68 days for me . And I still feel numb and shiver at night remembering that night . What I learnt in these 2 months is there is absolutely nothing which can be done . I am too young to understand death . But take it min by min . Try not to think about the incident .spend time with kids . We didn't had any . We all are in the toughest path of life , but yes we aren't alone . Sending prayers your way .
Prashant
Prashant
Sorry to hear about your loss. Its very tough. I lost my dear wife last month and having a very hard time. I cry, go crazy. I loved her so much and now it pains terrible. Over the time pain will reduce. Just hang in there. Cry when you feel like. Everything in life happens for a reason and its tough to understand and integrate the reason. Get help and support if required - and speak out as much as you can. It may make you feel better for sometime. Prayers and peace
Hopeful44
Hopeful44
My husband passedt away also on the first week of September. I couldnt sleep the first few weeks, felt hopeless a times and had anxiety attacks in the middle of the night. I get by praying hard everytime I feel the sadness overcome me and it works. Ask help from God and your Guardian Angels. They are right beside you, holding you close and listening to your prayers.
Msbklyn
Msbklyn
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband last Sept 30. He passed away 30 days after a sudden cardiac arrest. I know I was lucky to have that time., even though half of it he was sedated and on a vent. I too performed CPR. I experienced the flashbacks to the incident. What I wish to express to you and the others who have recently experienced a great loss is that it changes. That physical and deep emotional pain does subside gradually over time. I still miss him every day, I still cry for my loss but I am not in physical pain every day as I was for the first part of the past year. Right now take one day at a time and just get through that. I joined this site for Hope. I needed to know others got it, understood what I was experiencing and had survived. God bless you on your journey
lmj90
lmj90
I am so sorry for your sudden loss. I too lost my husband suddenly. I totally understand your feelings of thinking you should have spent more time with him and put down some of the less important things. I go over that in my head many times.... for me its something I struggle with. I have learned that lesson and for my husband and I its too late and that makes me very sad but I have taken that lesson and tried to instill it into my kids and family that are still here. I tell them not to sweat the small stuff and to spend more time just being in each others company. Don't beat yourself up (I know that's hard not to do).. Take each day one at a time and do and think of only what you feel you must. Hugs
Lisa
Cheryl17
Cheryl17
I also lost my husband suddenly. Only a minute after I heard the fall I found him with blue fingers and lips as well. I did the what if thing for weeks but I knew in my heart he left instantly. And I found what little peace I could knowing he left in no pain and so fast. I was mad at him moments before and I hate that our last memory together wasn't a loving one. But they take all the good memories with them and those are the ones we need to keep close to our hearts.
God Bless you and your family
porkchopcash
porkchopcash
Thank you all so much! Some moments I don't think I can make it and some I think okay I've got this. It occurred to me that maybe my being left here could be a gift to him. I was thinking that if I had the opportunity to die in his stead I would have. Then it hit me that he is in heaven with God and that is a happiness he could not get here. I would gladly allow him to be in the happiest place in the world and take on the burdens so he could.
luckydaughter
luckydaughter
So sorry about your loss
What a horrible shock that must have been. Try not to torment yourself wondering about the "what ifs". I am glad you have found this forum and hope you find some peace here.
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