Well my husband's family had 9 children and now there are only 5. I don't hear from them at all. They are all scattered around the country. Recently my brother in law lost his wife and I do hear from him once in a while. I remember his first question-when does the pain stop?? If I am any help to him I am glad.

My husband died in Oct. I don't hear from his 3 boys or my one son. I hardly hear from anybody...its like I died also. Don't hear from my husband best friend...in fact I don't much hear from anyone. My late husbands sister once in awhile. My world has been turned upside down. Sometimes I get really lonely....its me and my 2 dogs. Making plans to leave this area as soon as property sells.....don't know where. I had looked at a cottage and that didn't work out. I want my old life back...when my husband was healthy and full of life...I do miss him so very much...I guess I'm pretty bummed out today........

I was married for 38 years. My husband's 2 brothers don't talk to me at all. I guess the connection is lost, so I don't matter anymore. I do keep in contact with nieces and nephews from his side of the family on Facebook.

I really don't know why this happens. Is it, that we are a reminder of what they lost too? You would think, they would be concerned for us.

Paula

Sam's brother and I have stayed in fairly close contact. We talk on the phone once a week; we exchange brief emails now and then. Although Sam's mom is not in the best of health, I do hear from his dad occasionally via email. I guess I am very lucky that I still feel very close to all of them.

I'm not sure why estrangement happens for some. Perhaps Paula is right when she states that family members are sometimes reminded of their own loss when they think of those who remain.

I have the opposite , MIL relied on me greatly after her husband passed in 2009 and then when DH passed his sister realized that once her mom is gone my kids and I are it for that side of the family. So she asked me to stay in her life. I would have had more than enough reasons not to stay in their life but it`s not in my nature . I did set things straight with the kind of relationship I would have with her and that she would never again have the power to blatantly be mean to me just because she felt like it. It works

I feel Im still pretty close to my wifes brother and sisters even though they rarely call, they do invite us for special occasions. While I appreciate that they do it also reminds me of what I lost.
Russ

I have been truly blessed that I was already close to my step children and they treat me completely like a grandmother with all the kids. We have all grown even closer since our loss. His soster is a different story. She was mad by the time she got to the hospital and upset my step daughter claiming she should have been contacted earlier when in reality she didn't answer her phone so we had to reach her through her son. She continued to act negative all through till he passed. The kids and I took the high road and I called and told her all the details of the arrangements so she would feel oncluded. The kids offered to drive her to the funeral home. She warmed up but said she had a way there. Then she stayed distant at the viewing and later told one of the kids (grown) that the funeral home workers were like the mafia because they didn't let people in until the chidren and I had gone in first, not realizing that they were following my explicit instructions. She refused to go to the funeral. I knew she would since she had behaved the same way at her aunt's. Since then, my step daughter who lives with me tried to talk to her amd was goimg to go see her (she's right here in the area) but she went on and on about she didn't understand, and she wasn't there, and why wasn't there an autopsy. And that she says to our daughter's who had been right here and had to see her husband administering cpr to her father, the child who was at the hospital when the doctors told us his heart had stopped for the second time. I was mad because I felt this was inappropriate and that she said it because she didn't have never enough to say it to my face.

But honestly, just reading all the other posts has made me resolve to try to reach her again -not for a few weeks because -I have some scary monetary things to handle this week. But I hear the pain in those of you who have lost your spouses families for a much longer time. And I am not in the least suggesting that any of you shoild have done anything differently than you did. I am not even saying that what I am going to do will help. I just want to try. So thanks to all of you who were honest and brave enough to share.

My husband's sister hadn't seen us for over 20 years when he died, but his brother did come over frequently during his illness. We don't see each other very often, but there is no hard feelings on my part. Life goes on, as they say. They know where I live and would be welcome to stop by. Sharon

Families. You never know what will come from someone in the difficult time of your life. I have come to realize I have to keep moving; good, bad, or otherwise.

Mel,
I believe that you will see that those in his family that you share common interests with will continue to be involved with you.

Evidently children are not enough to keep the bond tight for some people. All people are different. You can only control how you act towards them. If they don't want contact with you and your kids ( and their kids ) then it's their loss.

I will agree with you that it's a sad situation that they don't care more about you and the kids :(

Bob

I had a difficult break with my husband's family as well. At first I maintained contact with his sister because we were in the habit of talking with her on almost a daily basis. That seemed to be fine except for the fact that when I was in the "widow fog" phase she was always telling me that I was doing so much better than her.

When they came to visit, however things did not go well since my SIL was very rude to me. Then a few months later, my MIL put me in a difficult situation financially for no apparent reason, and I lost it for a bit because it was during that first anniversary period of my husband's dying and I was barely hanging in there. I have been unfriended by all of their children from Facebook and have had no contact with them since September. It is difficult but my counselor recommended that I not contact them and let my silence speak to them. She said that if they didn't recognize my pain before they would not do it now either and would seek to find a way to hurt me again.

I have gone on with my life and have found that I have had a much more peaceful existence since they are out of my life so I guess it was not a bad thing ultimately. Their total lack of understanding and appreciation for my situation was not helping me in any way. Sometimes it is just better if some people are out of our lives.

Most of you know about my Honey's family....they all turned their backs on me 3 seconds after he died...and probably each other , too.
But I'm good now. I'm still waiting for the Karma bus to run them all over and then back up over them....but for the most part....I never think about them unless someone brings it up.
I KNOW who was most important to Michael...and it wasn't them. So I just smile !!

My story is a little long and involved. I moved from CA to MN when I was 15. Met and married my Tim when I was 16 he was 18. His family being from a rural community thought I was a city girl corupting thier farm boy. Nobody thought it would last, Tim passed 1 week after our 36th anniversary.
I lived away from my family for the first 28 years and I missed them terribly. I would see them periodly on vacation and I thought they were great compared to my narrow minded in-laws. My BIL never cared for me, he thought I was to head strong. I had a passing relationship with my FIL and got along well with my MIL and SIl's. My Tim and I moved out of MN to CO after living in MN for 25 years. My FIL was upset we moved.
After living in CO for 5 years we moved to CA. What a dream come true I was able to be closer to my amazing family. Not, it was a horrible realization that my family put on a real act when we would see them on vacation. Unfortunately we were living in CA when Tim passed.
Long story short my family has ripped me off and my MIL and I have gotten very close. She calls me every Sunday. In fact I leave Wednesday on a road trip with my 3 Grandsons to visit the farm. With that being said, I have seemed to lost most of my friends. It makes me wonder if I am a bad person and the only reason they were friends with me was because of Tim. I am very lonely because of this and on bad days it makes me cry. Today is a good day so I just try to blow it off.
Sorry so long.
Hugs, Sandi

I don't know why this happens, but it does more often than not.

I spent all my time with my DH family for the 30 years of our marriage. Neglecting my own family in the process. But after Stephen died they all drifted away. After 20 years of having them as guests in my home for the holidays, I didn't even get a phone call to say they didn't want to come anymore.....they sent word through my son.

I remained closed to my MIL until her death a 1.5 years after Stephen, but even she didn't seem to see anything wrong with having family gatherings that didn't include me.

As for friends, with the exception of 1, there is nobody left in my life that was a friend to both of us.

At almost 5 years, I've made peace with it, but I still long for the days when there were huge family gatherings at the holidays and other times.

It will get better, but it will be different. God speed.

I commented on the Father's Day post that I never ever had relationship with this children. This was our second marriage and we were together 36 years. His ex always felt he belonged to her and she manipulated their adult children. The one that connected us is gone forever and I finally have the peace of not dealing with their phony conversations. I have not seen them or talked to them since his funeral 10 months ago.