I hear your pain coming through loud and clear. I know the feeling of loneliness after losing your one and only. I would do anything to avoid being alone the first few years. Now at 3 1/2 years I’m doing better with that. But I’ve kept myself busy with others, so here are my ideas; Soaring Spirits International is an organization that has local regional groups for widow/widowers to socialize. I’ve found it so helpful to find people who get it and have found some nice people there. I’d say join a gym where you can be around people and start interacting with others. You might try finding a volunteer organization which would allow you to help others which makes you feel good and allows you to meet new people. This is not an easy journey but we can learn to move forward with small steps , one at a time. Wishing you peace Marybeth

KurtT - There is nothing wrong with you. There are 3 types of people: People who are supportive, people who are neutral and people who are toxic. Avoid the toxic people. As I mention in another post, having an one on one hospice counselor was very helpful for me. Having someone to tell your story of your soul mate and what happened was a big help for me. Having some one listen to me was a very good thing because my soul mate was my best friend and Joanne passed away 4 months ago. The local widow/widowers groups are helpful too for knowing that you are to the only one who feels the way you do. Our society does not deal with death very well. You are supposed to be "positive" even if you don't feel it. I don't believe that because then you are not true to yourself.

I have been told you never get over it. You just move forward the best you can. I read that "grief, is really love weeping". So when I cry (which is almost everyday) , it is because I loved Joanne so much. It is a sign that I loved her so deeply. I am not ashamed of how much I cry because I love Joanne.

Everyone is different. How you move forward is different for each person because everyone's story of what happened to your soul mate is different. I hope you find your way that works for you.

KurtT ...My heart goes out to you and I can totally relate; it is just so hard; but it is so good that you are reaching out and expressing yourself with how you are feeling, I need to do that more as I tend to keep so much bottled up inside which is not good; my husband passed tragically and suddenly in Dec 2016 in a motorcycle accident; life changed in a heartbeat; the grief and everything that goes along with everyone's individual story is a process and takes time; God's blessings and strength to you...

KurtT, There are no easy answers in trying to build a new life without your partner. It is true that friends do not understand, and I can say that my friends today look very differently than when John was here. I think that a grief counselor would be of tremendous help to you; I know that I value the therapist that I continue to see. I have cried so many tears in his office and feel that I can trust him with all of my feelings of loss, disappointment, sadness, loneliness, aloneness, all that goes along with losing a spouse. I rarely discuss these types of feelings with friends or my kids. How could they possibly understand the devastation of losing a spouse? And, if you make an appointment with a therapist and don't feel comfortable with him or her, find another. The right one can really help you, Also, look for some type of grief group in your area. I found a widows/widowers' group that I attended for over a year after my husband's passing. It really helped to be among others who share and understand your feelings. One last thing, do not be so hard on yourself in expecting that you should be able to "move on." It has only been two and half years for you. I have never quite understood people thinking that you could simply close the door on your past life, the one that you happily shared with your partner, and create a fulfilling new life alone. Come on this site often and post when you feel the need or simply read others' postings. You will find compassion and understanding here. Roxanne