Just wondering if you have a security system, motion detection lighting, a dog, or other things that might help you to feel a little more secure at night.

I have my kids 50% of the time, so technically I am not alone all the time but I definitely don't like being by myself. I ended up getting two cats who watch out at night for me. I sleep with my son when I have my kids and the cats when I don't. I don't live on a lot of land but if I were you, because I used to live in the woods, I would definitely light up my house with motion sensored lights and a security system if you don't have one. I have always been independent but after Hector I admit I have been a BIG wimp as I am so used to him being around to protect me. :(

I hate living alone. I never lived alone my whole life, until my dear hubby passed away 3 years ago (I was 58).
Eating meals was intolerable. I'd grab something fast and run out the door. Always moving. Always running. Trying to outrun the grief.

Coming home to that emptiness was like a punch in the stomach. I'd wail and wail - so glad nobody could hear me.

I was so paranoid that whole first year (but worse in those early months after his death), i'd stack pots and pans by the doors at night, so if someone tried to break in, they'd create such a noise, i'd wake up. I'd check the locks on the doors and windows several times before going to bed. A noise in the night always made me nervous. i didn't know whether to hide under the covers or go downstairs to investigate. When I couldn't stand it any longer, I 'd get out of bed, tiptoe quietly downstairs, clad only in a nightie, wielding an alarm clock or a paperweight for protection - as if that would do anything!

I finally got over it, but still don't like coming home in the dark. I still get lonely, especially in the evenings and still don't like going to bed alone. I still sleep with his bathrobe or sweater all cuddled up around me for comfort.

But that devastating, black horrible empty feeling I had because of living by myself has gone.
Sending blessings.

I got a little spooked at first. Got another security light put in outside. Got a dog. I have alarms on al the doors. I also lock my bedroom door at night when I am sleeping. Have my car keys beside my bed. If I hear a noise, I can hit the alarm on the key chain. Also have a can of Wasp spray beside my bed. If someone breaks in, spray with Wasp Spray to the eyes, grab keys and run. Also have a small cal. gun, right beside my bed. I also sleep with TV on, to drown out noises. And window fan, to help drown out noises.

Well. I guess I am still spooked, its been almost 7 months here. A friend of mine stacks cans in front of doors every night.

Ohh... and I am home before dark...

We owned a three family house about ten miles from our home. We sold our home before Don was diagnoised because an apartment was vacant and being renovated. I am so glad we did. We also had a place I think I would have been nervous even with neighbors not that far away to be there alone. If you like animals a dog would be great company and also be a warning to intruders. If not, I tend to think, or at least hope, it will be easier. Sharon

I really hope you love animals and will consider a rescue dog. You could save a life and be rewarded with peace of mind and a loving companion.

Hope you find the solution that works for you. I do find feeling vulnerable without him adds to my pain and I understand how you feel. Take good care.

That's a tough situation, and short of moving, a security system looks like it would be worth it just for any peace of mind you would get.

I was the treasurer for religious center that was 100 yards from the police station, and when I suggested we eliminate the alarm system to save some money, all the female volunteers looked like me like I was crazy. Even if the system is not really needed it adds a level of peace of mind that is hard to quantify. Needless to say we kept the alarm system.

My local cable company installed an alarm system in my home after my husband passed. It has a "panic" button on the control panel inside and I purchased a key for my car keys that also has a "panic" button as well.

I lived alone for a year but I have always been alone since my husband traveled for work a lot. I am in the country but as secluded. My husband had given me two big dogs. They look fierce but actually very gentle. The male one does get protective so I feel safe. Now my daughter's family moved in for a few months and added 2 of their dogs so we felt safe and we know all our neighbors and have a neighborhood website to alert everyone on suspicious happenings.

Hello,

I had never lived alone - straight from my parents, to university halls, to house-shares, to Adrian. When I shared, I always felt frightened when my house mate went away and when I lived with Adrian I felt sacred when he worked away (which was often 1 or 2 nights a week). Suprisingly, since he died I have felt alone but I haven't felt frightened in the house. I really believe he is still with me in spirit and is looking out for me and I am not alone. It gives me comfort. Also, I think my fear is taken up with other things like thoughts of the future.

Just think to youself that your husband is looking out for you. Plus, all the other suggestions of alarm ect are great. I am going to get a dog when I am more settled - for company and security.

x

I got a dog soon after my husband passed. It was the best thing I could have done. He keeps me company, he needs me, I have to get up to take care of him. He will greet me at the door so I am never really alone now. I also have someone to talk to, to yell at and cuddle with.
I never lived alone before either, he is the next best thing. The house just doesn't feel empty now.
Hugs,
JoAnn

I live in a split-level house in a wooded area. My 33 year old son lives downstairs, but he works nights, so when I get home from work, I'm alone. I do check all the doors to make sure they are locked.
I have bells hanging from doors, so if they are opened I can hear them. I also have a german shepherd who sounds pretty ferocious.
My son calls me most nights during his lunch break. Other than that, nobody else checks up on me.
I am starting to feel a little more comfortable in my home. When Bob was here, we never locked the doors. He was my security and now he's gone.
I have to reach out to people because I think they are afraid to reach out to me. I don't think they want to be reminded that if losing my husband can happen to me, it could happen to them.
I like the idea of keeping the car keys next to the bed. I also have a gun and a tennis racket next to my bed. The gun is hidden.
Also, I don't let anyone know that my husband passed away, by that I mean people who call and ask for him, people who come to the house to fix something.

I am not sure if it was reading your post, or the ongoing issue I am having with dreams...but last night I had a dream, and was spooked...it was only about the second time I actually got sorta spooked being alone...I live in a reasonably safe neighborhood-although there is a pretty bad area just a few miles away...I had spoke to a friend last nite before bed...I dreamed that there was someone in my home...I remember seeing my soul mate's legs walking down the hall, but knew it could not be him, I called out the namr of the friend that I had spoke on the phone with before I went to bed ( actually there has been a mentally challenged man that keeps whistling at me and saying "hey beautiful" when ever he sees me, he lives in the apt bldg where my mom lives, I ignore his comments, then he usually strikes up conversation with me and I try to be polite, but I notice that he has been waiting for me when he sees my car, he has given me his number and always says I should call him - I really don't want to be rude, but know that I am going to have to-I spoke with my friend who offered to go to my moms with me-he's a biker, and does not look like the kind of person you'd mess with, but I told him that I need to learn to handle things on my own)...anyway, back to my dream- I looked down the hall, and knew it was my soul mate, he was walking away from me and putting a hood over his head to hide himself - I get that its only a dream, but subconsciencely I wonder if he was telling me that I need to be more cautious...I vividly remember thinking, about what I have for weapons in my home, the first thing that came to my mind was the poker for the fireplace, and a shot gun (that I know nothing about) that my soul mate has in his closet...I knew that if someone was in my home I would have no chance to get to either one of these things (not even sure I'd have the guts to use them)...I know it was only a dream, but I certainly will be re-evaulating how safe I am in my home...

I live in a townhouse with two floors and a basement. It freaked me out that I couldn't hear what was going on in the basement. So I got an alarm system and one of those metal bars to prop against the door.

I also have one of those Life Alert type devices. This helped alot. I have it next to my bed, one in the shower and one on the stairs leading downstairs. It has a wrist strap on it, so if I'm doing a crazy exercise, like Kettle Bell, I can push the button and get help if I need to. The system will call my family and 911 if I don't answer.

Of all my systems, the life system makes me the most comfortable. One night I accidentally pressed the emergency button on it and someone spoke to me right away. They addressed me by my first name which made me feel connected to the world and not alone.

There are many life systems, some with contracts, some not. There are some you can even go outside and receive help if needed. I have a non-contract one that cost 25 dollars a month. I'm always saying I don't need it and will get rid of it. But when things go bump in the night it feels good to know I can just press a button and someone will answer.