Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Have been coming to this site since July for comfort, but only reciently joined. My husband of 27 1/2 years had lung cancer and passed away Christmas evening last year. He did get to see the newest granddaughter born on the 20th. Know he was waiting to see her.
He was heavyly involved as a mason, shriner & in the york rite. That was my circle of friends. I do get to go to some dinners & see them, but not as much, it does help. Martin was well respected in these groups & loved raising money to help the kids.
Reciently I've been removing his name from things and it feels like I'm erasing him from my life. It hurts so much but know it has to be done. I was feeling like I was doing better until now. Not really looking forward to the holidays this year. I am going to be with family tho.
Esther
He was heavyly involved as a mason, shriner & in the york rite. That was my circle of friends. I do get to go to some dinners & see them, but not as much, it does help. Martin was well respected in these groups & loved raising money to help the kids.
Reciently I've been removing his name from things and it feels like I'm erasing him from my life. It hurts so much but know it has to be done. I was feeling like I was doing better until now. Not really looking forward to the holidays this year. I am going to be with family tho.
Esther
Peace tonight
Cathy
You have almost hit the one year mark and that is a major
accomplishment. Holidays are hard for us all, but losing your husband on Christmas evening must be beyond our comprehension. So sorry for that extra burden you endure this time
of year.
Remember always, we understand because we also live your loss in our own life and visit with us often. Sending hugs to you. Sharon
Thanks
Esther
I'm at 8 1/2 months and - dare I say it? - feeling more on the upside of the rollercoaster on most days. The down days still hit and I'm getting ready to crash at some point(s) during the upcoming holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas), since these will be 2 of my "firsts."
Two things, though: 1) I know I'll be getting hit by the baseball bat - not when, but I'm already prepared by knowing that it will happen; and 2) when the Grief Monster does visit, I know I can come here and get lots and lots of support - all I need do is ask. The latter has been my biggest comfort these past months. I don't know what I would have done/would do without all the dear, caring, sharing people on this site.
Esther, my suggestion to you is that you, too, come here as much as you can, especially during the most painful times. You know what "doing better" feels like and you can take the up path on the rollercoaster more quickly, now that you do. It really is awful that we still have those down days/times.
Hugs,
Terry
I know just how you feel. I used the same term when I was re-doing paperwork after my Bill died. "Erasing" him. That's just how it felt. New checking account, my name only on the mortgage, canceling his credit cards ... it was horrible. The only consolation is that I'm constantly reminded of him around my house and even though I've done some remodeling, I've taken some of his favorite things and highlighted them in my rooms.
Be easy on yourself during the holidays. I faced last year's holidays immediately after Bill died, since he died on October 1 of last year. It all seems like a blue. I did all the right things, but looking back, maybe I was just going through the motions.
Come here often. We get it.
Julie
I, too, feel like he is being erased. Having to show the Death Certificate to the cell phone people??? Please. That seems like such and invasion of privacy. And it doesn't help that people are beginning to not mention his name to me. I am a better woman for having him in my life. He needs to be acknowledged!
I thought I was getting passed some of the sadness, I almost thought I was moving forward with my life. Leading up to my birthday I was sleeping a lot, I cried off and on my entire birthday and everyday since.
I know what its like to think you've started getting better :/ then the grief takes over. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I'm sad to think that there are other widows out there going through the same thing as me, however, I am grateful I'm not alone..
Your circle of friends will eventually branch out. More as you become active in clubs, hobbies, etc. Some of the old friends will dissapear, while new ones arrive.
I only removed my DH's name from things that I had to. Otherwise, I see no reason to do so. He is still part of me, and I will not do anything to feel as if I am erasing him, unless I have to.
Christmas? Not my favorite holiday. Christmas and around the date has an emotional attachment as to diagnoses, tests, treatment, etc. I also lost a close loved one at Christmas. Our family celebrates Christmas our own way. We gather together Christmas Eve at my home and make the party feel like anything but Christmas. Besides, the holidays are ruined due to retailers, TV and radio commercials, and holiday music way before the holiday is drawing near.