I understand what you are feeling as I have the same feelings for the last 3 years

I'm at nearly 2 years now, and surprisingly my grief is wanting to pull me back in. It's Easter. I so remember her last Easter when she had to be helped into the back patio to watch the Easter egg hunt of all the grandkids, cousins, neighbor kids. I shot some video and to this day have been unable to look at it. Now, I find myself looking into our backyard and that is all I think about. Good memories clouded by her death. I guess I should count myself lucky that it hurts so bad because we were so good together. The people here really get it, few answers but we understand what you are feeling because we're all in the same boat. Take good care of yourself. Grieving wears you out quick. But it does get better with time, time and more time. ~~~ Scottie

Kmommy, I'm sorry for the lose of your Love...I lost my husband Dennis 21 months ago today, actually..He passed in his sleep of a heart attack, and I found him..We had a wonderful day the day before he passed, we were planning a trip at the end of week, he passed on a Sunday and we were to leave on Friday with are adult daughters and their husbands and grand kids..
We had done our yard and I cut his hair and we sat on the deck and had a drink..He started talking about how much he loved me and the kids, even the neighbors..how grateful he was for the life he had.. I said are you OK and he said I'm fine, Just happy..and laughed..
He went to bed and said I'm going to watch a couple of things I have recorded, I said I'll sleep in the other room tonight because I'm tired..he came in gave me a kiss said I Love see you in the morning..I got up came downstairs and listened for him to get up..went to tell him the coffee is ready and that's when I found he had passed in the night...
I think the hardest part was the guilt I felt, because I wasn't with him...Don't waste your time on guilt it's such a useless emotion and changes nothing...
If you haven't seen a doctor, please do so I waited almost five months to see one..My daughter made me an appointment..for me the anxiety was the worst, I felt like I could climb the walls, and would just wonder around the house lost.. I couldn't eat, sleep it was the best decision I made to get help..I had never taken anything more than Advil..
But all I can tell you is you have to go straight through grieve there are no short cuts, and never let anyone tell you should be over your Love in x amount of time..You never get over missing your Love, but you will find a new normal...Also what helped me was having a routine..I got everyday showered when I felt like it and made my bed..so I wouldn't spend all day in it..had my coffee, and talked to a least one of my daughters..if they didn't call me I called them..Don't expect everyone to call you all the time and don't get mad when friends stop calling as often as they did at first..you make the effort also. I found going for walks helped a lot too, nature has a way of helping us..Something repetition is good...Take care of you..cry when you feel it coming on it's OK, you just lost the most important person in your life and the deeper you loved the more you cry..Sometimes I'd wake up crying, or when doing house or yard work..Sometimes a smell will trigger these emotions...
Come here often there are wonderful people here who are on the same grieve journey as you, that no one whats to travel..I left the site for a few months and just came back a couple of months ago..
i think the hardest thing for me accepting that Dennis wasn't coming back, once I did that it's got easier..He wouldn't want me to stay in that grieving space forever..I and my daughters have had several signs from are skeptic that he's still around, watch and ask for signs from your Love..You'll get an answer sometime from sources you never expected...Cry and wash out your heart, if you keep it inside it will tear you apart...
Take care and come here often..peace and hugs..Gail...

Don't cry because it's over..smile because it happened..Dr. Seuss...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my love on 02/28/17. The pain is nothing I have felt before. I wander through my house and talk out loud to him. I feel that too, not knowing what to do with my self. I cry a lot. I feel so empty and just alone. We are here to share our grief, I am here. I do feel better after a big cry, but the feeling comes on me like a wave of nausea and you cannot stop it. I wish us all-Peace.

Mysweetie2 I had almost the same conversation with my husband hours before it happened. He was in such good spirits. He talked about making me, our children and our grandchildren proud. We were watching the id channel and I told him I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to him or our children. I made a remark that at least we would be old if it does happen and he said to me " Not everyone dies old." I told him not to speak that way. We went to bed and he held me extra tight. Hours later he got up to go to the bathroom and it happened. He was so much at peace that night. I keep seeing it in my head. Me and my 21 year old son tried desperately to save him. We are both traumatized and in therapy. I miss my love so much I can't breathe.

Kmommy..I'm grateful for the conversation Dennis and I had that day. I think some times the soul knows when it's getting ready to transition..I've seen this in other family who passed suddenly including my mom and grandmother..You are so new into this journey I remember at three months I never thought I would make it, but here I'am at 21 months I'm still here..We all have regrets for might have been also that's normal..My best to your son also tell him not to feel guilty I'm sure his Dad wouldn't want him or you to carry that burden for too long..Remember as fortunate as you were to have had him in your life, he was also fortunate to have had both of you in his...
As my grand daughter said one to me one day when I was having a really bad day..Just think grandma if you and grandpa hadn't gotten married I and my Mom, my Aunts and my cousins wouldn't here...I immediately thought of the movie it's a Wonderful Life..
Remember, and I believe this, they can see us and are not grieving for us because they can see us and are with us in all that we do.. Dennis was/is a good man and I miss him every minute of everyday but I know he loved me and our family and that's what keeps me going..
We weren't perfect but we were perfect for each other..
Take care of you and your son..many hugs..Gail..

"When someone we love becomes a memory..that memory becomes a treasure"..

Dearest kmommy,
My love has been gone for almost 15 months and there isn't a moment of a day that passes where he is not the centre of my thoughts. Feeling lost and lonely are big parts of grieving. It is the most difficult thing for a person to go through. It's the price we pay for loving deeply. I thank God often for the time I had with my precious husband. Please know you are not alone. There are those that care deeply for you. You are in my prayers. Aunt B

Loss, grief...
Unanswered questions, unrealized dreams..
Lost, alone, pain unfathomable...

Do you have a hobby? Try to fill your hours to help the time pass. I have been walking at the mall during the winter months. A local hospital or church may sponsor a support group. It is beneficial to talk with others who have experienced the same loss.

There are no easy answers, what helps one incident doesn't work the next time!
Life is a changing journey now intertwined with grief.
Do what you can, give yourself credit for that:-)
Tomorrow will come full of possibilities
You get up, you eat, you turn on your computer & check DS, give yourself a pat on the back!!!!
Little steps....
Blessings
jdp

I totally understand everything you are saying. The confusion and the pain of it all can go so deep. Have you thought about seeing a grief counselor or going to a bereavement group. I see a counselor and although it does not take away the pain, she does give me some coping tips. I am starting a bereavement group at the end of the month. I also check on here frequently. I think the more you connect with people that understand, the better. I'm thankful to have found this forum although I am sorry all of us are here because of our situations.

Thanks everyone for the kind words. What I do everyday is post a good memory on Facebook. All if the great things we've experienced, and the love he had for me. It helps a little. I am seeing a grief counselor. Now I have insomnia which doesn't help when you're in so much pain. I stay awake every night looking at videos and pictures. My biggest fear is when I think of spending the rest if my life without him. I don't know. Its just too hard.

I also have insomnia. 4 months after my husband passed away they thought I had a stroke. It ended up being high blood pressure, depression, anxiety and insomnia. My daughter tricked me into giving her one of my husband's shirts to make a pillow for her son, so she said, instead she gave it to me at christmas. I have it on my bed where he slept and when I go to sleep at night I put my arm across it as if he were there. That my be an idea for you to give you comfort at night.

Kmommy, this is also the hardest thing I have ever done, and I've been through a lot of difficult things. My beloved man died six months ago. Today, after a pleasant phone call with a friend, I was overtaken by such loss. Coming here has helped me to know there are others who really understand. Writing now has stopped the gut-wrenching sobs I thought were behind me. We all do care for you. Keep coming back.

I'm so sorry you are having to go thru this.