Next month will be my 2 year mark for losing my DH. I had a friend for 5 years before it happened and we had stayed in touch, not like best friends doing lunch or so, but he'd write me at least 4 times a year. It was about 4 months after my DH passed that I got a letter from him and it took me 2 months to write back because I was the grieving widow, however I still had feelings for him and vice versa. So we got back together last January on my birthday and I have no regrets! My DH will be forever in my heart and live on through our son but we'd talked about if one of us passed before the other we didn't want the other to be alone for the rest of their life.

What I've learned is that there'll always be someone who doesn't think it's the "right" time for you to move on with your life, especially with someone new, but it's your life and you have to live your life on your own terms no matter what others think. I will say since there are kid(s) don't immediately do introductions until you know if it's going to be something solid for awhile so they won't get attached if it doesn't work out.

Hello,

I sense that you are really a loving husband and father. My heart is filled with care for your beloved family. I am so proud of you for doing well with caring for your wife and children during her illness. She rest peacefully because of it.

For me, living with the separation is like a fairy tale (a quest story). Please, not to misunderstand though, because I recognize the anxiety, fear, loneliness, along with all the thoughts and then there's more thinking to do, moods change too, which is all these different emotions, thoughts and feelings are "kindly" centered around your love and you will always care for your beautiful wife (as you already know this is true). So, wisdom you seek, and I hope that you find.

Coping, while the one who's staying behind, is not very easily explained, at least it seems so to me. At this point of time, feelings are still so fresh and the experience is so odd and uncertain to you. At times you will desire to feel like nothing really existed at all between you, because you hurt so much. But the story of love pushes at your heart and it witnesses to you everyday that love is fixed to stay an everlasting destiny with your wife. Because she lives in spirit now, and she is not at all too far away, even as you feel for her now; it will always be; for the spirit world is close by us; only now she meets you in a brighter light, eternal too. When in need of comfort, you may promptly call for her; she will answer. And her relationship has not completely changed with the children either; she lives in them, a shared image of what you know of her is also inside their sweet hearts and minds. You may many times expect that your children will respond to you as she once did, answering and questions in many ways just as your kind-hearted wife once did. You will then smile as you notice this is true and divine! In the night you will sometimes dream of her as if nothing has ever changed, real to you she stays. However, for a short while, dreaming of her will be an uncomfortable feeling. Different. As you become more familiar with her presence - without hesitation, you will thank the heavens and plead for more of the glowing light of her presence. It matters not if thirty years later from this day that you are re-married, and the children all grown up, happily. Love is of God and never dies. And as you seek to follow your wise wife's counsel to marry again, expect that she will be a proud guest at your next wedding; for, as you know, she wants that you and the children should continue to live and be happy in this life.

Carry on with the healing power of hope,


Remiah

Not sure if this is much wisdom.....but let me start by saying that it sounds like you are being a wonderful dad (and mom) My girls were 18, 23 and 25 when my husband died suddenly. I'm coming up on the one year date of his death. No one could or ever would replace their dad. And although I am not out looking to date or see other men, I do hope someone comes in my life and it is through Gods will that I am not alone forever.
I think its a precious thing that your wife wanted you to find someone and not be alone. Shows how very much she loves you. No matter who that person is you seem like the type of dad that will never let them forget their mom.
You seem very strong but know its ok not to be strong all the time. And on those days just let your feelings out. The holidays and all the special occasions will be emotional. Not gonna lie about that.
Prayers to you and your family

The best way I have been able to describe the pain is to say it is basically having your soul amputated. There is no fully healing or getting over it; there is just learning to cope with the amputation. You have to learn how to do everything all over again because you no longer know how to live or even who you are. All of your future dreams and plans have disappeared in an instant. All I can tell you as far as dating is to take your time and allow yourself to figure out who you are now. I know all you want to do is erase the loneliness and pain but please don't expect that from someone. No, I am not saying that you will but you need to make sure that you are ready for a new relationship. I had friends of my husband contact me within weeks of his funeral to "get together" and I just didn't understand it at the time. At times, it almost felt like I was being circled by vultures that knew I was in pain and vulnerable. I fully understand others wanting and looking for love but I knew that I was not emotionally ready for it. It has been over 15 months since my husband passed away and I am just now feeling like I am starting to know what I want out of life again. Every person's situation is different and I don't know about you or your family but I would wait until you feel that you are emotionally healthy enough for a new relationship. Once you reach this point, I would then suggest talking to your family and friends about where you are at emotionally and that you are thinking about dating. This will give you a good idea about where those that love and care about you stand and what difficulties a new relationship could encounter, both from possibly you since they may see things that you can't about yourself and sadly from them as well because they might not be ready. So, please just take your time and go at your pace. After all if there is one thing that all of us on here can agree on, we have had more than our share of pain.

The only real advice I have is to follow your heart and not let anyone tell you it's too soon or not soon enough. I have kind of the opposite problem in that I am approaching the one year mark (next month) and there are some well-meaning-but-pushy relatives who think it is time for me to "get out there". It is NOT time! I am not ready and I don't want to.

OK, I just re-read your post and saw that it has only been a little over a month for you, so I am going to edit my advice a bit. At a little over a month, it probably IS too soon. But again, you must follow your own heart because you are the only one who truly knows your life.

Sylvia

Grief & loss has always been the hardest thing for me.
Losing my husband has been more completely devastating than anything. Ever.
No illness or warning. Died in bed with me before dawn. I heard his final expirations of breath. but it sounded like he was dreaming in his sleep, which he often did. So I put my hand on him and tried to wake him & when I got no response, I knew immediately that he was gone. I walked to his side of the bed and my heart just knew that he was gone to be with God. He always said that one day he would just GO.
Paramedics came. Drs tried everything in hospital too.
Even though I KNEW he was gone, for the DR to come out, his FIRST words with me being "Were you his wife?" It was revolting, my thought was "I AM his wife"..
Married 41 yrs, my entire adult life, met right after high school.
My husband was more than my other half. he was the strong one. we became One.
Severe & critical health issues hit me immediately after his death, so I was not even just "me", with a chance to cope.
I had to use extreme honesty about peoples clueless comparisons & verbal "comfort" cliches. I spoke straight up about it not helping. Self preservation kicks in. I had to do it, or perish.
I cannot advise about new relationship. Our circumstances are different.
It may be a bit easier if you had already started adapting.
My shock alone was enormous.
Do what is helpful for you. Dating is one thing, but marriage, or having your kids live with a new woman during their early grief, is expecting an awful lot of them.
Kids have to be walked through grief with a parent & family. I was 4 yrs old when my dad died, &
my mom not addressing it left emotional pain & scars.. Unresolved grief is the only thing that is worse than grief itself. More harmful to children than adults.
B.

It's two and a half years since losing my wife. While I function day to day, the deep grief is always just below the surface and I can be in tears from any reminder. Just last night a friend tried to compare this to losing her dad. You are so right that the pain of losing a spouse is way more intense. Christmas is hard for me. My wife loved it and I have found that I can't celebrate it without her. I really need to be alone at Christmas, but no one seems to understand this. Not an option for you since you have kids. Decide together what will work best for you. Everyone assumes we will date again. They don't understand what a difficult decision this is. I'm settled in my decision not to. My wife said she hoped I wouldn't remarry when she died. There is no right or wrong here. If you date and when has to happen when you and your kids are ready. No one else can tell you when that is.