I'm so sorry. My wounds are fresh as well having lost my husband on December 29th. I still hope I'll get a call that it was all a big mistake even though I KNOW it's not. Reach out to friends and family and accept their help. Don't try to do everything at once. Make sure you eat and sleep. If you are like me it won't be too long and you'll be eager to start your new daily routines. I'm new here as well, but so far so good. You'll get through this just like everybody else here. I read something recently that said something to the effect of-Grief is our last act of love. I sorta like it.

Oh Catdad, it's been so soon for you. I don't know how you're doing anything. Let yourself cry. Don't overwhelm yourself with tasks... except eating and resting. I hope there is someone who can be with you. This is so soon. I am new to this site but I can tell already it will be an incredible help. I know it will help you, too.

My daily prayer is that you will be comforted, that God will give you the strength as you walk this path and that you will have peace that surpasses all understanding. It was my prayer that He would never leave me nor forsake me and He has been true before and since (18 months). Stay prayerful.

Thanks everyone, again.
Your words are helping.
We pretty much kept to ourselves, so I don't have friends to lean on.
Over the years, as her illness progressed we changed our preferences. We focused on things we could do at home, usually on a computer. We became more insular as caring for her took more of my time. People said I should get out and do some fun things, but my preferences changed to match her's.... at home. Every time things got worse we would make it our new normal and accept it. Big dreams and plans evaporated a decade ago. Thinking small was what worked best for us. Now I am still in that small small world, alone.

You are still at the very beginning stage. Be kind to yourself, give yourself the gift of time. Cry all you want. Small baby steps and eventually your world will open up again. Take care of the kitties or kitty. They will help you immensely. During the first couple of months, my animals were the only thing that kept me moving and made me smile. Just keep us posted.
Hugs,
Val

CatDad, again, we are all so sorry for your loss. As the others have said and I will re-iterate, I have found this site to be very helpful in understanding the feelings that I am having and accepting that they are completely normal.

You are in the first stages of this long and heavy journey, I remember the days following my wifes last day, I was confused, disoriented, and very forgetful. I am grateful my children were with me to keep things going.

We were in the process of moving at the time, and now all that had to be put on hold, our belongings had to be put somewhere, the truck unpacked, calls that had to be made, arrangements that had to be done - it was overwhelming.

The advice is solid, you need to concern yourself with you right now, and take care of you, eating sleeping, if you do nothing else in the day, at least get up, shower and get dressed, it is important, and helps to feel that you have at least accomplished something.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss, we are all here for you 24/7 - many of us are on at night, as we can not sleep, so whenever you need something or just need to vent, we will be here for you.

The 25th was my 3 month mark since losing my wife of 21 years. You'll see the term "roller coaster" and that is exactly what the emotions are riding on. Sleep? Yes, 3 hour intervals. I totally agree with everyone here regarding the value of this site as we all know the depth of despair & sadness that is just crushing.

I talk out loud to my wife when I get really down and it makes me feel a tad better. Hang in there.

So sorry to hear of your loss. As others have said, do not be afraid to feel the sadness and do not be ashamed to cry. I too had to do everything alone after my husband died. I have two neighbors/friends who helped all they could, but no one can take away the sorrow, loneliness, and pain. In fact I attended a 6 week workshop based on the book "Understanding Your Grief" by Alan D. Wolfelt, in which it was stressed that we need to "feel it to heal it". If we fight our emotions now they will erupt later. I am 10 months into the process and things are definitely easier in most ways, but I still get kicked in the teeth once in a while. I learned in the workshop that it is absolutely to be expected. Someone referred to the grief process as a roller coaster, and it is indeed that. Big hugs to you from AZ. Come to this site often. Everyone here understands.

So sorry for your loss, cat dad. As others mentioned, take very good care of yourself. Ask for help from friends and family.
As for the pacing and what to do next, I found making lists a good survival technique for me. I carried a notepad and pen everywhere - even in my bathrobe. Every time I had an idea, I jotted it down. Some things actually got done. :)
Take time and be gentle with yourself.
- Jacqueline

Catdad!

You will find tons of support here from us who know how you think and feel Me n are taought not to cry and suck it up. Worst advice every given. I talked, yelled, cried in privat and yes in public. You have to let the raw emotions flow and the sooned the better for your healing. Women appreciate a man who can express their emotions and do not see that as a sign of weekeness but as a sign of a healthy male who can feel his pain and appreciate the special person gone from their life forever.WTF I'm helping you out by crying as I write this from the bottom of my heart> i know how you are hurting and my thoughts are with you. I have a lot of posts here on crying and how it has helped me handle the pain and stress. All your sisters and brothers wish only the best for you in your journey. No judment only open honest advice and thoughts. Sorry for your loss but to love is to lose and well here you are with the rest of us. A big Montana City Montana hug to you catdad and please lean on us and even a PM if you need to converse off line. I have a few PM friends where we share thoughts. Dewman

Dearest CatDad, I echo everyone's sentiments here. We are a wonderful cyber family that are here to support and be supported. You've come to the right place, so sorry you had to find your way here.

Sleep is golden, as is eating and taking care of yourself. I know it is not easy to think of these things and follow through . . . we all have been there. Just do what you can when you can.

Thanks for openly sharing with us through your tears. As Dewey says, it's okay for men to cry!! You need to and it's cathartic. Take one moment and breath at a time. You will heal and get through this pain in many different stages. Don't question . . just allow your feelings to flow.

My sincerest sympathy, thoughts and prayers to you. Dayna

My husband was disabled and could not do a lot so like you my world narrowed down to his and we stayed at home. I too find myself with few friends and it is a lonely place. Its been almost two years for me. I recently started going to church again to get out of the house and hoping to meet nice people. I have a cat. He was more my husbands cat than mine. The cat has been very cuddly to me since Don died. Taking care of him has actually helped me in my grief.

Thank you all again.
Yes it is like a roller coaster. She handled all the bills, finances and everything for 27 years. Today I have been sorting through everything on her computer and I need an IV to replace the tears. There is so much more than numbers. There are pictures, recipes, plans for the future, records of things we did decades ago. Just too much. I can't take it. But I have to pay bills and change records and....
This is the sort of thing I can't have someone else help me with. But it feels impossible right now. My bereavement leave is over and I'm back to work as well. Work feels empty and depressing. I can understand why some people don't survive this stage. I want to go after her not only because of grief but because I don't like being here. I go on, only from momentum. I did make an appointment for a counselor tomorrow. People ask what I need. I don't know. It feels like what I need is a team of life/financial/counselor doctors to tend to me 24/7 in an intensive care facility. I feel like someone bleeding out in an emergency waiting room. Not exactly what a friend or neighbor could help me with.

Hope your meeting with the counselor went well CatDad. Perhaps a grief support group might help too. Not all groups are the same though so if you don't feel better after attending a couple of times, look for another group. I had to. Sometimes it helps to talk to others who have gone through the process. Until we experience the grief of losing a spouse, we are totally unable to understand the feelings that must be gone through. And of course there are the very special people on this site who are willing to listen to rants, raves, crying, etc whenever it is needed. They have all helped me so very much. A big AZ hug coming your way. You may not believe it right now, but things will get a little bit easier with time. Little baby steps......

Its been going on 16 months for me, it does not get easier. Our pets have helped me a lot. His cat often looks off like she see him, not sure. Stay busy if you can, volunteer. This site is a great help, the people here all understand what you are going thru. You can't talk to people that have not suffered this loss, they just do not understand. I spend a lot of time in prayer. God bless.