I am much older than you and was retired when my husband died. I also was an adm. asst. and don't think I could have returned to work in 2 weeks. For the first months it is almost impossible to "focus" or concentrate-- I felt like I was in a fog. This is how most widows are. It is a great trauma to live through and those who have not experienced it don't have a clue! Many here have found grief counselors very helpful. Would you consider asking your dr. for meds. for nerves/anxiety/grief for a few months? I don't have any wise words to say to your boss - sometimes I write notes to people when I'm too emotional to "say it" face to face. I do hope you will feel "more together" soon. It is a very hard road, and I think some people can lose themselves in their work and then fall apart driving home. We are all different. Hang in there; it will get better!
Hugs - Doye

I see in your previous post that you are already seeing a counselor -- this is good! Stay with it and this should help you with your problem at work.

I'm certainly not in a position to tell anyone else what to do, as I am only 5 months into my grief. Fortunately, I was retired when Sam died, so my grief has not affected my work.

However, I can relate. I was a young teacher when my mother died at age 59 ... way too soon. It destroyed me. My teaching contract only granted me five bereavement days, so I was back to work after one full school week.

I remember my first day back as if it were yesterday. On my way to my room, 2 other teachers passed me in the hall and simply said, "Good morning." I fell to pieces sobbing.

But by the time homeroom started, I had wiped my tears and put on a false face of composure. Yes, I was a "phony" each and every day for a long time, but eventually I realized I was no longer faking.

One other thing that I did that gave me a better sense of control was to keep a day-planner notebook, kind of like an extended lesson plan book, but this one for just about everything I had to do each day. I wrote down EVERYTHING ... from stopping at the post office to get stamps, to meal planning, to reminders about laundry.

To this day, I'm a list-writer. I find that since Sam died, I have had to write more reminders, etc. than ever before. I'm mentioning this because a planning notebook might help you get better organized during the work day and beyond.

Wishing you peace ...

I took 4 months off after my wife passed. Not by choice I just was not functioning at all. I then worked a reduced work week for 8 months. Now I am back to my ususal work rotation but truthfully for me the person that came back to work is a different than the one who left. I am planning a exit strategy of early retirement. That you are functioning in the workplace at 5 and half months is something to be proud of. I am truly sorry things are so challenging. Gerald

I took about a month off after I lost my Matt. I'm a locum pharmacist so go round all the different pharmacies wherever cover is needed. I still find it really hard as everytime I go anywhere new they always want to know you life story...name, where your from, how old, if you have a partner? That questions kills me everytime. Only today I was working somewhere I'd been before, last time I was there I was blissfully happy, planning my holiday with Matt. Today I went in and asked the date to sign the form, I was told it was 13th and then told I hope you've remembered your card, I just ignored the comment but wanted to break down and cry. Then she asked me if I was still with my partner? Then the tears started. I have to go through the same routine almost everywhere I go, i need a full time job so i don't have to keep having it all brought back over and over again

I took off work,FMLA as A Customer Service manager, to get his room together when he was coming home from the critical Care Center. For a few weeks, to get him set up for his home health care services. When I went back, they fired me. Said 5 weeks was too much time,
(after 10 yrs there).

The employment service here said I was fired illegally , but they couldn't make them hire me back but they had to pay unemployment for 2 years. Which ran out just before he died. then I got widows benefits.

It's been a year for me and I'm just now feeling like my brain is starting to work again.
I just couldn't get it together. Luckily I'm the boss and I have an assistant that helps me keep it together.

Hang in there. Maybe try yoga to help with focus.

Diane

I am so sorry...Going back to work sucks and its so frustrating that everyone around you is just going on with their life like everything is fine. I had a hard time focusing and still do. I don't have any fixes for you but I really wanted you to know that people are out here and praying for you..with all my heart.

Yes I had a hard time going back and still have a hard time there now, I can't concentrate very well, my mind wanders off and I think about my husband and don't get much done. It has been 3 months since my husband passed and I wish I could afford to quit, or take more time off but that is not anything I can do, I also have 2 children 1 in high school and one with Disabilities.

I was only working part-time and had taken the time off from the time he got sick in mid October . When he passed towards the end of January , there was no way I could go back right away. Since it`s a school system and I work with younger kids I simply was not ready to come back and asked them if I could wait until the new school year. So I was off for 7 months and I mentioned often that I could not understand someone having to go back to work so early afterwards.

Deep breath, I can relate so well. I'm also at 5 1/2 months and just took a couple weeks off. I struggle to stay focused but keep working as a distraction. Wasn't long before they thought every thing was fine and I was back to normal. They have no idea how hard I have to struggle to keep on track all the time when I don't really want to be there. I still have a good cry all the way home every day. I'm sorry it's a rough go and not a good day. Praying they will realize some compassion and understand you are trying your best to keep it together. Blessings, Doreen

It is indeed scary and stressful to deal with caregiving, grief and job responsibilities at the same time. I just retired from a suicide hotline. A caller killed herself while on the phone with me, then my Dad died. then shortly after my husband died suddenly. I only took a week off after my husband died. I didn't want to lose my job due to time off. I went into a funk to get through. I am gradually coming to terms with everything. Yes, small things seem huge.

I had to go back to work 2 weeks after my wife passed. I'm an IT Director and I had only worked at this position for just 2 years and didn't have the leave time to stay off more. I was fortunate to have great coworkers that gave me some of their leave time so I could be with her in the hospital. I wasn't functioning either but maybe what helped me a little could have been the hour drive one way to work. It gave me time to kinda get my crying done before I got to work. Not that I didn't have to go to the single restroom and lock the door sometimes. I still cry but I don't at work anymore. It's been about 17 months since Donna passed. I'm like everyone else, the pain is still as great but I am learning to live with it.

Take care

I had retired when my husband was diagnosed and was working part time. I left early so many times for doctors appointments and because he went down hill so quickly they put me out on a leave of absence. After he died I was off 3 months and resigned with 2 weeks notice. I couldn't do it no matter how much I tried. I was fortunate to have the freedom to leave financially. I respect all those who have the strength to continue working. Sharon