I think your boss sounds like a bit of a wanker :) sure you have a job to do but 'get your shit together!? your boss hasn't experienced real grief.
i'm lucky my work have been incredibly understanding but i feel like i need to push harder. It's difficult because you have a job to do but how can you possibly focus!

I went back to work after a month. I couldn't take the silence anymore. I will say I have a very understanding administration and faculty that I work with. I had my days for a while when I went back, but at least I knew I had great people there to support me. Grant you by the time summer break got here and I ended up having back surgery this past summer. I came crashing down emotionally. That's when I found this site. Just keep one foot in front of the other. And one day at a time. God Bless Susan

Being new to Canada I only started my first job in a Canadian settings when my husband passed away. I was back to work the next day after the funeral. I HAD NO CHOICE. I love Canadians, I got so much support and still getting it from my co-workers. I cant say that it is easy for me to concentrate at work, I am only at 3 months of grieving and I work at the Bereavement Center. As I have been in Canada less than a year and my husband was everything and everybody for me , my work helps me go through . My life is hell now but I do work and help the people who are in the same boat as I am.

I was not working when my husband got sick or when he passed. When I did finally go back to work (different type job) it was very hard to focus, I had widows brain for a long time. I lost 2 jobs, it was like death all over again......... no purpose, no reason for my life.
When I finally got the job I have now it was over a year after his death so its been somewhat easier as time passed. 5 1/2 months is just too soon to be back to normal. Sorry your having problems, maybe you can try to explain how things are as a widow.
Hugs,
JoAnn

Work is never easy. Too many people want to offer advice that have no clue what you are going through. Unless they have lost a spouse then kindly don't offer your insight is my thoughts.
Some of my coworkers are very helpful but my boss can be a b**ch. She thinks she knows everything and has experienced everything. I got graded down in my yearly review because of being out with my husband. I had the sick time built up so I was using my time but she pointed out that I had made a few mistakes. Do you think I might have had my mind else where while he was sick? I think it's great when we manage to go to work.

I went through similar problems. I had a high pressure, detail-oriented, high profile job as a legal assistant working for the government. I had always been the resource person, the go-to person, and I made my career on my ability to handle and remember details. I was always one step ahead of everybody I worked with, including my boss, which was one of the reasons she loved me. After Cliff died, my worklife became surreal. I went back to work 2 weeks after he died, and was falling apart. I wound up getting donated leave so I could take additional time off. I also started getting counseling through an Employee Assistance Program. My boss and my manager knew this and supported that.

However, because some days I had my s*** together and some days I did not, it had a big impact on my worklife. I didn't get all the assignments that should have come to me. My boss was reluctant to confide in me at times because she didn't know which days I could handle it and which I couldn't. This meant that the comfort level I kept her at was not there, so she got more stressed. I didn't want to lose my job, and I could not walk away from it as I had to be able to support my sons as well as myself. I did have to get my s*** together. It wasn't easy.

What helped me: I used my calendar a lot - I had always been a scheduling diva (goes with the territory) for my boss, but I worked my calendar for myself. Notes about when I needed to prep stuff, not just the deadlines. I made lists of what needed to be done, and whenever I was unclear about priorities, I would spend 5 minutes with my boss to verify that i was on the right track. That also showed her that I was making the effort to keep it together and do a good job. That helped her relax, too. Whenever my boss gave me instructions, I would take notes and repeat them back in my own words to make sure I understood them. This also helps if they come back and say 'that's not what I asked for' because you then have your notes. A side bonus of having to-do lists is that as you check the items off, you can feel a bit of accomplishment for the tasks you got done, and it helps rebuild your confidence.

There are people you can share your grief with, and times to do so. Work and your work-mates usually aren't the best place for it. I found for myself that I was better off dealing with my grief by being on DS, by going to counseling, by talking with my sister, and spending time with my kids. I needed to separate my grief from my work-life. It was no secret that I was grieving - far from it. But there comes a time when they just want you to get the job done; they get tired of not knowing whether you can be relied upon. It sucks frankly. I do understand what you are going through. It's not easy. You feel like all your safety nets are gone. It can be very scary. But don't give up. If I could get through it, you can, too.

You will have to use your best training to manage your own crisis for change. We spend a lot of time managing other people's crises - take that training and help yourself with it. You haven't lost that training - that knowledge and experience will come in handy. Make your work-life improvement your newest project - and tackle it. You CAN do it.

Another practical reminder: Drink a lot of water to counteract the dehydration caused by crying - it contributes big time to fuzzy thinking. Take a multivitamin with minerals everyday, and try to make sure you are eating as healthy as possible. You have to put good stuff in your body to feed your brain so that you can withstand all this and fight your way through it. Remember, your brain is entirely dependent on what's in your blood stream. If you don't eat, don't eat healthy, or get dehydrated, your mind can't function as well as you need it to. The better I took care of my physical self, the stronger I got, and the clearer my head. They are not separate - someone once said here that grieving was like digging ditches 12 hours a day as it takes so much out of you. I always thought that was a pretty good description of it. Take care of your physical self to bolster your strength.

For stress relief at work, I used to journal on my lunch hour in a paper journal. I used to also walk on my coffee breaks. Even ten minutes a day on a coffee break would help me de-stress, and the exercise was good for me, too. Helped me sleep better at night as well. There were many times when I needed to step away from the stress and get myself back together. If I had to fall apart, I did that in the ladies room.

I hope some of these ideas help.

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

I am also an admin and returned after just a short time, having used most of my leave when my husband was sick and preparing for the funeral. I have definitely not been back to myself and my manager has been kind and patient. Frankly, it doesn't matter much to me. I go because I know I have to but most days am not interested in the little things that seem so insignificant now.

The only thing that I have found helpful is being candid with my colleagues and with myself. I am not the person I was a month ago and I never will be. I come to work and do my best and pray for focus. Be kind with yourself. We can only deal with what we have control over. I hope your employers will be more understanding.

I had an awful time going back to work I think I cried every day for months. I didn't go back until after 6 weeks of losing my husband. I think I was very lucky because my husband and I worked at the same place for over 30 years. So when I was having a bad day I had a lot support from my co workers. Even my boss would come give me a hug and have me go sit in his office until I could get my self together to go finish my job.

I had a business that I gave up during the time of my husbands illness. It was 2yrs. on the 10th that he passed away. I'm finding myself having a very hard time trying to seek work. I lost all confidence. I'm to young to get widow benefits and at the age where its going to be hard finding a job. This 2nd. yr. of losing my husband has been very difficult. .

I also found similar problems.

People say the right things at the time (in my case it was a sudden loss so the company didn't have any "pre-warning"), but it soon still got forgotten.

I'm not sure what I can say to help other than to say, yes, I've experienced it, and got through both the loss and the job problems (and all the rest).

I am so sorry to hear what is happening to you at your job.

When my husband passed, the viewing and cremation ate up the small life ins. I did not work the year prior to his death. I took care of family members who were in need. (gee, now its my turn. Where is my help?).

I was frantic because I had no income was coming in. This year, I turned 57. After the passing, it took me 5-6 months to find a job. I was still not in any condition to be working, let alone learn a new job. There was NO sympathy in work. I had no choice. I needed money. The pay doesn't make ends meet, but it helps.

When someone passes on, the focus seems to be on that person dieing. NO ONE thinks about the surviving spouse. I am sure you heard it all, how all those people would do this and that, IF their spouse should die. How they think, ok the death is over, get on with it. WELL! UNTIL they are in those shoes, they have no idea how hard it is!

I feel for you because this is another lost for you. I know it's hard right now, but there are still some positives in your life.
---> You are of age to receive widow benefits.
---> You have paid work experience which makes you desirable for other jobs
--> This gives you the opportunity to take a month off and decide what you want to do next.

Hang-in-there. It will get better.

Hugs.

Thanks to Cliffskat who always gives sound advice. You have helped me in other areas and I truly appreciate your wisdom and the way you present it.