Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Try as I might I cannot get the world to go away. I have tried to ignore the world since mine ended almost 11 months ago. It hasn't worked. I woke up this morning still wishing I could sleep for the next 20 years. When I actually opened my eyes I suddenly realized what trying to ignore the world has "achieved".
I still feel hollow and without hope.
I still feel lost and without purpose.
Nick is still gone. My protest against the world has not brought him back to me.
I DO have a very cluttered house. You need a map, life line, flashlight and a compass to find you way through a room. I think I still might have a table and a counter top somewhere in my kitchen. I'm not positive because I haven't seen them for a really long time..
I have stacks of unopened mail. About 2 1/2 month's worth( erring on the optimistic side of things)
During my protest against the world still existing I have tried to tackle the Grief Monster. I have been seeing a grief counselor on a regular basis. I have cried. I have talked. I have joined a grief & loss support group. (I have also been helping to start a new one in our area.) I have forced myself to go out with some of my single women friends. I have read books on grief & loss. And, I have written in my journal.
Still the Grief Monster is right here on the sofa with me. He brought his friends depression & hopelessness with him as well.
Since the things I have tried so far (including trying to boycott the world) has not worked my counselor suggested I try doing things I have never ever done before instead of the things I USED to enjoy when Nick was still alive. This has me stumped. If the things I used to enjoy are not enjoyable now.... how do I find new things? This may sound like a stupid question but it is sincere.
Any suggestions on new things? I used to hike, read, loved to go to the casinos, enjoyed sight seeing in Yellowstone Park, Jackson Hole WY and the Moab area. I also loved to shop...mainly for my daughter in TN.
If any of you could share new things you have tried or are trying, I would appreciate it. Thank you very much.
I still feel hollow and without hope.
I still feel lost and without purpose.
Nick is still gone. My protest against the world has not brought him back to me.
I DO have a very cluttered house. You need a map, life line, flashlight and a compass to find you way through a room. I think I still might have a table and a counter top somewhere in my kitchen. I'm not positive because I haven't seen them for a really long time..
I have stacks of unopened mail. About 2 1/2 month's worth( erring on the optimistic side of things)
During my protest against the world still existing I have tried to tackle the Grief Monster. I have been seeing a grief counselor on a regular basis. I have cried. I have talked. I have joined a grief & loss support group. (I have also been helping to start a new one in our area.) I have forced myself to go out with some of my single women friends. I have read books on grief & loss. And, I have written in my journal.
Still the Grief Monster is right here on the sofa with me. He brought his friends depression & hopelessness with him as well.
Since the things I have tried so far (including trying to boycott the world) has not worked my counselor suggested I try doing things I have never ever done before instead of the things I USED to enjoy when Nick was still alive. This has me stumped. If the things I used to enjoy are not enjoyable now.... how do I find new things? This may sound like a stupid question but it is sincere.
Any suggestions on new things? I used to hike, read, loved to go to the casinos, enjoyed sight seeing in Yellowstone Park, Jackson Hole WY and the Moab area. I also loved to shop...mainly for my daughter in TN.
If any of you could share new things you have tried or are trying, I would appreciate it. Thank you very much.
I would just add a couple of things. I went back to some things I did BEFORE I met Cliff - very old hobbies, music he and I did not share, books we didn't read together. That helped.
If there are any craft stores in your area - like JoAnn's or Michael's - you can take a one-day class to learn a new craft hobby to see if you would like it. If you want to get into DIY stuff, Home Depot and Lowe's also do one and two-day classes.
Also, volunteering - even one hour a week - can be helpful. Every organization needs volunteers, and because whoever else volunteers has the same concerns/interests, it's an automatic ice breaker. Doing good for others helped me feel stronger about myself.
As far as the clutter? If any of it is salvageable stuff, you might find ebay interesting.
The Meetup groups are great, but I can't get to them either. I have recently joined a women's book club in our village, and that has led to more invites to participate in other things.
Good luck and keep us posted! Love and Hugs, Martha
Our local library has several book clubs going -- some special interest like mysteries, others more general. The library also hosts lectures and other programs where you can meet people interested in the art or history or just about anything else. They also host groups that do crafts like knitting or enjoy travel.
Our county Parks and Recreation Department hosts nature walks and other types of activities -- this weekend is maple sugaring. They also have a weekly walking club that does the course in one of the parks and then gets coffee.
I live near a mall that has a mall walking group that walks each morning, but also has get togethers to socialize and for information on health and exercise.
Lastly, the local animal shelter is always happy to have volunteers to help socialize the animals. You could walk a dog or just hold a cat -- it so increases their chances of getting adopted.
And, the post about volunteering is right on. Groups can always use extra help and if you have a skill like accounting or organizing fund raisers, they would thrilled to have you.
Today I took the dogs for a walk. I haven't done that in weeks, poor dogs, good thing they play together.
I try and put some music on and dance, that seems to lift my spirits some. Just make sure the curtains are closed.
I used to blame all the clutter in my house on my husband, but he's been gone over 2 years, so no, it's just me. I'm in the process (slowly) of de-cluttering my house. Even Oprah's magazine had an article on that.
It seems you are doing the right thing with dealing with your grief. I think now, it's more about what are you going to do now? It's hard to figure out who you are as a single woman, and not a couple. I'm still trying to figure me out.
Good Luck on this new journey. Dance like no one is watching!
Paula
Your post also expressed a lot of my feelings. I am at 8 months now, and I am feeling much like you. I too have a problem with motivation. I was doing fairly well, until I got a sinus infection a couple of weeks ago, and that set me back again.
I do find that things like yoga and massage really do help. When you have been through a long horrendous illness with your husband like you and I have, it is a long way back. I know that for six years, everyday of my life was all about his needs and care, and you tend to lose yourself in all of that. You forget how to take care of yourself. I am so glad that I could do that for Larry, but I lost so much in the process, that I am still floundering everyday to find my way without him. I lack motivation, energy, concentration, and the sunshine is gone from my life.
I also think Marsha's idea about preparing homemade soup is really a good one. I find that that helps me a lot.
God Bless,
Annie
I hope my post is not regarded as not nice. I don't mean it that way. I am lost. I have fallen and I can't get up(could not resist). No more of this new for me.
My social life is good, I've made lots of friends, and we are always going out to lunch, or dinner, or a show. I belong to two choirs, two organizations, church. You would think that I should be flying high, but I still have so much time alone and feel so Alone with a capital "A". Sometimes I just want to throw myself down on the floor and cry for days.
Singing in the choir does boost my spirits for at least a while. If you can carry a tune perhaps you could join a church choir or a community choir. I really think that singing causes the body to secrete "happy hormones," whatever they are, kind of like the high that runners get. Getting out and walking in the sun also helps me a great deal.
But when all is said and done, I think that time is what will heal us, and we can't rush it or force it, as much as we would like to escape from this terrible pain.
HUGS for all of you who are fighting the grief monster and his awful friends.