Like you, I am sort of marking time. I put one foot in front of the other. I am faking it till I make it. I keep telling myself that I will find my new normal. There is a deep sadness though that comes in waves. It's just got to get better.

i know those feelings. I think all of us here are intimately familiar with them. Some of the advice i received when i first got here, what seems like forever ago, and has just been months, was to get out of the house..

You need to, as much as you can handle, be around people. People you can talk too, interact with. I've seen suggestions of volunteering somewhere helping people.. Anything to get you into a better state of mind where you are not alone all of the time.

I know this is hard, and i certainly am not the role model in this department..But what i have done that helps me is to go to the local mall (and the local park a couple of times now) and walk around..its good for exercise, and for clearing the mind..and its good to be around other people (sometimes it stinks..walking behind couples holding hands is not so fun anymore)

It does get better, it just does not feel like it now

I feel the same way today. I have been shut in the house because of the weather and it is really making me question my existence. I don't want to do anything when I feel this way so I too just do what needs to be done and leave some things that should be done, alone. That also makes me feel bad because who is going to care if the rugs aren't clean but me. This adds to the mood. I can't blame grief for this I have always gone through these valleys. I hope I can go to church on Sunday to just feel the energy of others. So sorry you feel like this too. I stay away from the shows we used to watch together. When I can do that, I will declare myself new and healed. I have never and will never accept my fate. Though right now, it kind of has the upper hand, the bastard.

Daily things come up and make us pause or cry. It has to get better or none of us would make it.

Thank you for your honest post, ramar. I, too, find no joy in life anymore. My joy died when my partner died. I don't know if I will ever feel joy like that again. I sincerely doubt it. But will we get better? I certainly do hope so. We have a good bit in common. I, too, keep on by simply keeping on (or as you put it by breathing).

Your post so hits home! My husband and I had a few years together after we were retired and had hoped that after his surgery we could do more. Sadly, that was not the case.

Please know, though, that what you are going through is normal (as difficult as it may be).

Hang in there! Allow yourself to grieve, cry, rant and rave! It is all part of the healing process.

Also, stay in touch with the post on this website. What a blessing it has been!

Peace to you...

Ditto, Ditto... I am also having a very tough day. I have cried numerous times. Is this truly my life? Does it get better? I try to tell myself, to take one day at a time and it will be alright. What else can we do? Its all we have. Hugs to all!!!

Good to know others feel the same way.

I feel like I am waiting for something.... What?

Don't give up. I just passed 2 years and I remember very clearly how meaningless life was for the first 6 months or more. I was just about to retire when my wife had her accident. Plans meant nothing, I could not envision a future, just how to exist. What helped at that time was reaching out to friends who had lost their spouse a year or more before me and seeing that they were actually making progress. I would go out to dinner once a week with one who lived close. This site was very helpful as well as 2 grief groups that gave me someone to talk to and an excuse to get out of the house. I'm not perfect, there are bad times, still some tears, but the good far outweighs the bad. Just go through the motions of living now, try to stay involved with something or someone and eventually it will be better.I felt like it was necessary to work at getting better rather than withdraw and mope around.. Also don't get discouraged as sometimes it seems like one step forward and then two back. That is normal too.

Ramar: you are still very early on in the grieving process. What you are feeling is totally normal. Tears are natural and cleansing. The anxiety and uncertainty are as well. No, this is not the new normal; but it is the normal for right now. And I am so sorry because it really sucks.

As time passes you will start to create your own new kind of normal. It is not easy and it takes a lot of endurance and energy. Because it bears no resemblance to what you had planned. Believe me I get it. I cremated a 41 year old man in the prime of his life. Our future was bright and full of things we would do together, vacations planned, retirement, time spent in the garden, sitting by the fireplace with the dogs in the winter.. All of those beautiful plans and dreams died with him.
But other different dreams came and took the old dreams place when I let them and when I had grieved their passing. Give yourself time, be kind to yourself, when you feel up to it, go out and be part of the world, try some small new thing. Eventually, it does get better and you find your joy again, with a combination of luck, persistence and the memory of the joy you had sustaining you. Hope this helps a little bit.

Hugs,
Val

I remember really resenting an AARP commercial, when the woman said she was only in her sixties, and had a long life ahead of her. All those plans Sharry and I had were blown to a million pieces on the night of July 6th 2013. That next morning, my son and I woke up, and she didn't. Even now, I am bitter some days when I hear about retirement planning. Great for those who get to enjoy that time, like my parents did, I look at the "future" as a lie. I know now that all we have for sure is the current breath in our lungs. I try to treat each person I come into contact with like they are family, and help in small ways when possible. It really does seem that the everyday tasks that we used to take in stride along the way, sometimes feel pointless and redundant, when we know that our spouse's love and companionship will not be our reward at the end of the day. Weekends and Holidays suddenly become reminders of their absence, rather than something we so looked forward to.
As time has passed, I have realized that she would want me to make her proud. Fight hard to live the right way. Love and care for our son, and family and friends who remain. I can now laugh, joke, and take life a little less seriously, knowing that she, and many others wait on the other side. We can still make a difference here, in ways we never see coming, until they are suddenly upon us. We can help those who are going through this same nightmare, as many of you do just by posting your thoughts and comfort here. After losing his daughter, and a year later, his wife, Neil Peart wrote "Life goes from bad to worse, but I still choose to live. Find a measure of love and laughter, and another measure to give". We are never the same, but we become stronger than most people, with a perspective of life that escapes those who have never suffered as we have. Hang in there everyone. You will find strength you never imagined you had. Missing them is a daily part of life, but no one can take away the love, memories, and success of our life with the one who will always be half of who we are, and continues to shape who we will become. My best to you all;
Robert

Nicely stated, Robert.

Robert,

Pretty much my story without the child. Sorry my friend as it sucks but we are getting tougher, kinder, and more thoughtful and way more understand of how things can change in a flash. Postive mental atitude as I know great things are in my future and I refuse to consider different, Look for the good in life and cherish what you had and honor her memory.

Peace be with all on DS.

Dewman

I too was waiting for us to sell our small ranch when we got older and move to another place where we would not have to do so much outside work. It didn't happen. I am now the one thinking how I wanted to visit our National Parks and travel some. I lost my husband to the vicious cancer and now take care of our ranch . He built this place from a blank piece of land.
we always loved living in the country. I miss him here, outside together. Watching him build things, us barbecuing....i have cooked maybe 3 times since my hubby died 16 October 2014. Life has totally changed. I am sorry you lost your loved one. I know it's hard. All we can do is hold on .