Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I have had this feeling for the last 3 years since my husband passed away that there must be something wrong with me. I was very sick when my husband died but didn't realize it until 4 months later. My kids were very helpful at the time. I have gotten alot better since that time but also I have been very lonely as no one seems to contact me about things. Friends quit calling, family only contacts once in awhile (except 3 of my daughters) and I feel as if I am stranded. The last couple of weeks have had its ups and downs. I have had good days and bad, but as the month progresses I know there are going to be alot more bad days as the 3 yr. mark of my husband's passing is June 30. I know my family all have their own families and plans so I feel bad when I have somewhere to go I have to bother them as all of our friends have left the picture. My son has a football game I want to go to but I have to get someone to take me. Usually it isn't a problem to be able to go but this is a bad weekend. My brother made plans to go watch my grandkids play softball in watertown, my daughter, who lives the closest, has to work and also is celebrating her anniversary , and both of my sisters are busy so I am stuck. I sometimes think they would all be better off if I weren't here anymore as I feel I serve no purpose. I am always alone and stuck because I can't drive anymore. I am trying to move forward and find enjoyment again but it is so hard. I am only 55 and I feel as though I don't exist anymore.
Also, please stop saying that everyone would be better off if you weren't around anymore. That kind of attitude rubs off on people when you're with them and sometimes that's one of the reasons people don't want to be around people in grief esp after the initial phase of several months is over. There comes a point in time where people do get tired of hearing it even though we never get tired of saying it and certainly still feel it. If you need to talk about it this is the perfect place to do that as we understand and walk the same walk. Vent to us but smile to them. The world is a big beautiful place if you allow yourself to see it and get back out into it! ... I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but everyone serves a purpose…No one is going to come to your door knocking to tell you what it is...it is up to you to find that purpose and pursue it.
June 30th will come along with some tears and then go as each day does. Live it and let it pass but keep the good memories and the happy times in your heart and your mind. The two year anniversary of my husband's passing was this past Saturday. I immersed myself in gardening and soaking in the sunshine that was thankfully ever present all day. I did a lot of reflective thinking about my past, present and future while weeding. It was melancholy but quite healing I must say. I needed that alone time. You have to be your own best friend in this world. If you can find something that day that you personally enjoyed or still enjoy, try getting back into that. It was hard for me as I seemed to have had a little mental block about gardening again as my sweet puppy, my constant in my garden and life, also has passed. I just stood up and said to myself... I can do this and I'm going to do this, and guess what I did and it felt good once again. Not the same, but different, but still good. The power of your mind and the power of positive thinking is a great weapon against grief, learn to use that and be in control of yourself and you will be OK! I talk the talk but I also walk the walk. Believe me when I say you can do this…
Prayers for courage and strength and the power to make the advances that you need to. Come back here as often as you need with anything on your mind, we are all here for you!
Warm hugs!
Darcie
Listen, Idk about where you live, but here there are multiple transport services for just about anybody and everybody. Problem is, of course, they may cost money, depending on your "status". But, we have stretcher transport for bedridden people, disabled/wheelchair transport companies by the dozen, taxis, ubers, private cabbies, you name it. I would start making a few calls and see if you can find something similar where you are. Talk to the rep who answers and find socoughdrops will listen to you, and explain what they have available and what it costs, whether tipping is expected, how to arrange your return ride and most importantly, their afterhours emergency number if something goes wrong (like your driver doesn't show for the return trip, my spouse and I took a lady to her home once because that happened to her... Company closed early, staff went home, nobody answered the phones and her driver hadn't shown up! First time we have ever run across it could happen.) Make sure you take a big bag with everything you need, big hat, sunscreen, sunglasses, water, coughdrops, whatever..... Get a ride with a transport company and go out to the ballgame!!! I WOULD go in a wheelchair just for general safety and comfort if I were you. If you think you want to sit in the bleachers with your family, make sure the wheelchair is well marked and labeled and decorated, so it won't "walk off" terribly easily... ;D
I had such a bad injury that kept me home, 2 months after my loss, for 3 whole months. JUST when the shock started to lift a little bit. My husband had died with no warning.
I was also extremely ill, unknown to me, until I an ambulance took me to the hospital ER. Then because of my diagnosis My license was suspended. and I had to get rides for every little need. NO UBER Here. Small town.
I will correspond with you privately, if you want. I will not be able to start that, possibly until Thursday. But I will send you a friend request. Some of my journal entries from 2015 and 2016 say more. but even before that, my unknown illness had terrible effects.
I had no family who could drive me places.
Being stuck at home isolated is the WORST thing in early grief. It is mental/emotional torture. No diversions. No good options. I felt like a POW or something.
I love all the members here, but have to add: Ignore everyone who can't hear your pain without giving lectures. YOU NEED TO VENT! It does not mean you are in danger of suicide. IN FACT, it is the best preventative available!
I survived. however, I am NOT "where I would have been" in my grief process, if I had freedom during the first year and a half. It really held me back.
God bless you, sweetie. Sometime after tomorrow we will communicate IF you want.
I can drive now. but it is not easy getting back into the flow of life, when all those around me think I should be "Over This".
HUG to you,
Barbara.