I think God is behind all of our thoughts when we love Him. There is not one single reason a person should feel they have to be with a mate unless that is what they want. No one should feel any pressure and it is different for everyone of us. You are enjoying your life as it is now and that is priority number one!!! ((hugs)) Patricia

The great thing about this life is that nothing is concrete. You have the capabilities to create your world as beautiful as you see fit with who you choose. You know your heart and thats what needs to be followed.

Did GOD tell YOU that you had to get a male companion?

God has helped me through many difficult times, and has answered so many prayers that I sometimes feel selfish asking for more.

I talk to him every morning just like I would talk to you or my counselor. I ask that he respects what I want now, and help me to be comfortable and confident with my new life decisions.

It is pitiful that some people believe they are helping you by suggesting that you will find another mate or companion. I'm happy just the way I am. It is just so difficult to get others to understand. ((Hugs)) to you Patricia too.

Love your cat video. She looks like my Moochie, which was another gift from God and my husband.

Debbie,
Here is a quote that I think is fitting:
"I am somebody. I am me. I like being me. And I don't need anybody to make me somebody." - Louis L'Amore
I think the way you feel is just fine. You have good friends to do things with and are there for you when you need them. I don't see why you need a companion. You are a independent working woman and had a wonderful marriage already.
I believe we control our lives and I would never leave it to something or someone else to do that for me. I need to know my direction and where I am going even if things don't also go as I expected. Life has a way of doing that.
I think you have a good head on your shoulder's and know what you want out of your life and you should go for it....hugs

Zoebo--had to laugh with your last statement. No, God did not. Thank you for snapping that into perspective.

And to buel1950-I copied that quote and pasted it. Want to laminate small wallet size copies. One for me, and two for other friends.

Being alone has it's benefits. There is no one that compares to my husband and the ease and comfort we shared. I don't know what my future holds. I miss having someone that is special that I am special to but I don't fool myself thinking that I would even come close to having a relationship like I did with my husband. I waited a long long time for him. I have put my trust and faith in God to guide me down this path. I will not worry about what is ahead. So much changed in such a little time and I know life holds nothing but changes.

Debbie, I am so with you on this! I think we have been conditioned by our society that happiness equals being married, which of course is simply not true. I spent most of my life single (divorced from first husband) and living with family members. I was very grateful for finally finding a wonderful man, soulmate, to whom I was married for 15 years. I am not expecting to re-marry, and not really interested as I think it is hightly unlikely that I would ever find anyone like Stan again. I know that some people want to remaryy and that's great for them, but I think they should respect that our life works for us and quit trying to put us into their mold. I have known lots of widows in my family and circle of friends who have chosen not to remarry and lived useful, interesting and fulfilling lives. I say to with what works for you! laurabp

Yes, being alone has its benefits. My husband and I were so in tune with each other, it was like a hand in a glove. A very warm, comfortable life, free of worry, until cancer struck our life.

My husband always said that he would remarry, nor look, because he knew he would find no one that could come close to me. And yes, I felt the same.

I know already that there will be disagreement with this one, but we live in a dangerous society today. I started dating my DH in 1970 and married him in 1978. Men at that time were respectable, morally upstanding, and had your best interest and welfare at heart. Look at our world today, talk to your single friends who have dated, and absorb what they tell you. Mine have all told me it is scary, it is hard, it is deceiving, and the number of STD's versus what we had to think about is mind boggling.

I had the best and hope that my world will be like laurabp's circle of friends who have chosen not to remarry and lived useful, interesting and fulfilling lives.

I have just passed the year mark. I enjoy hanging with my girlfriends. We go out once a month. I can't do much more than that with teenagers still in the house, but I enjoy being with them and talking to them. They are my source of comfort now.

I too am enjoying being single and making it on my own. I, however moved out of my parents place to go to college and was on my own for about 4 years before marrying. I have found it much different now than back 27 year ago.

I agree with the Louis L'Amore quote. We do not need any Male or companion to make us who we as individuals are. Hang in there. Hugs

I feel as you do. I think we need to live a life of meaning and purpose. I think we need a sense of community. People we are connected to and that we can love and feel loved by. I think a lot of people don't have that and think the only way to feel that void is by getting another partner. It isn't. For some they will be happiest repartnering. But my fear is that by not expanding their idea of what can constitute a fulfilling life, they will settle for a bad relationship. I see it all around me. The woman who feel any man is better than no man. So sad. Others will be happiest by living a life of connecting with and giving to the world as a whole. That's me. But maybe personality plays a role in this too. I have no problem being alone and yet I am comfortable with others. I have a lot of really good friends and am close to my family. I am blessed in that regard and aware not everyone has the kind of support system I do. My husband gave me enough love to last a lifetime. Why even worry what others say. Yet, I still live my life with an open heart and try to stay away from absolutes.

Like you, I to am just now learning who I am and what I like apart from Michael. It is hard work and discouraging sometimes, but satisfying nonetheless.
If you are happy and content with the way things are going for you, then I say don't change anything. There will be others that do tend to say things like "isn't it about time she found someone else?" but I am slowly learning that I have to do what is right for me, not what other people think that I should do.
Me personally, I don't see myself being alone for the rest of my life, but not rushing into anything right now. But that is a choice that I make and feel what is best for me. I keep in mind that I only have to report to God and myself. As long as both of us are happy, then that is good enough for me, no matter what friends or even family say.
Hope this helps?
Cathie

Debbie - thanks for accepting me as your friend & also thanks for this subject. I told you in the email that I had read your old posts & journals &I feel so much like you! I have wanted to bring this subject up but shyed away from it as I see many that want companions or have already found them, etc. No one brought up that they would not mind living out the rest of their life alone, but with friends. I have had 5 very close girlfriends for over 35 years. When Ronnie was alive, we did a lot with them as couples, however the girls & guys also did things alone. Through the years, the girls did many things together - go out to eat, have girls nights, vacations. We have been through marriages, births, divorces, our parents growing old, deaths, etc.. I could not ask for a better support group. I have a lot of other friends but these are lifetime friends. I also get tired of people saying in time you will find someone. Why does everyone feel you need someone? I am not man bashing either as I have close male friends at work & also where my husbnad worked. They are always willing to come & help us if we have a problem. I had a job I truly loved for the past 13 years. Right now my feelings are a little different as we just went through a merger & it is very different. I plan on taking early retirement in January at the latest. We built a new home 8 years ago and fortunately I have no mortgage to worry about. Something else that bothers me, and I see it on here, is some of the problems that can evole out of relationships or remarriages at the time of death. Guess I never believed how greedy some people can get. I feel bad for what some of the spouses on here are going through with in-laws or ex's. We worked hard for everything we have and I want things passed down to our daughters. Maybe I am too independent. We all have different feelings & different views & should do what is best for us individually.

I have had many people tell me that one day I will find someone new. In the beginning I found that to be so insulting. He hadn't even been gone a couple of months and people were saying that. I am at a little over 2 years now and feeling more at ease on my own. My husband and I met when I was 19 and dated for 4 years when we married we spent almost 23 years together married. So that life is pretty much all I have known. I see so many of the girls I know hooking up with someone just because they don't want to be alone. A couple of them ended up in bad relationships, one was physically abusive another was an alcoholic and verbally abused her. I see this and quite frankly I don't need any of that, it scares me to death, I am not into the lying or games that go on out there. I have found that I enjoy spending time with my girlfriends, however they don't all live close by so it is not always possible to do something spur of the moment. I really don't know if there will ever be room in my heart for someone else. I miss the companionship and feeling special to someone, but that someone is Lance. Not a stranger or someone else that I really don't know all that well. I have made it this far I can wait like you Debbie until I meet up with him on the otherside.

So to answer your question NO I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to do it on your own. It is your life and you have to do what is best for you. Find that thing in life that gives you purpose and direction and go for it.

Denise

No, you are not wrong or selfish to want to live on your own. There are many people who do and lead a very satisfying life. I wouldn't worry about what other people think.

Debbie (& eyesofbl) could have written their messages from my heart. I lost my beloved 8 months ago after fighting a critical illness for 8 years and 2 years of a losing battle. We discussed at the end how we both believed that we were married for eternity -- that our marriage was a blessing from above. We both had been married and divorced and realized what it was to find the love of your life. I miss him each and every day -- the missing doesn't get any better by day. However, it's not that I can't live by myself -- I did so 9 years before we married. It's that I miss my beloved in my life. I am fortunate to have a group of widow friends who can relate to what I am going through. One of my closest friends lost her husband 12 years ago and feels exactly as we do. I believe that once I can get beyond the memories of the last few years of fighting the illness and can start remembering the previous 33 years of happiness that we had together that those memories will carry me through my life until we meet again. I have begun to volunteer with church activities -- things I couldn't do while being the caretaker. I am hoping these activities will bring a purpose to my life. It was good to read these replies and know that I am not alone in my thinking.