My husband died last May and we only had contact with his brother for the last 20 years anyway. My brother-in-law and his wife were with my husband and I all the way, they were here every other day while my husband was dying. I never thought they would not be here and I was right, they have been loving and supportive ever since Jeff died. The twist is now my brother-in-law has stage IV lung cancer, he'd been sick but was more concerned about helping with his brother than worring about himself. My turn now to be there for them. My own sisters and brothers are the ones who turned away, I haven't heard from most of them since Jeff died. Family, in-law or natural , are hard to understand. Peace, Judy

MY IN-LAWS TOLD MY STEPDAUGHTER & SON-IN-LAW THEY THOUGHT I'D KILLED CINDY, BECAUSE I'D GIVE HER HER MEDS IF SHE FORGOT. WE LIVED IN A HOUSE THEY OWNED,( CINDY'S GRANDMOTHER WANTED HER TO HAVE IT, BUT THE FAMILY WAS TOO GREEDY TO GIVE IT TO HER) AS I WENT TO INDIANA TO BURY MY MOTHER, THEY PROCEEDED W/ EVICTION PROCEEDINGS. LOVINGEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET.

My Husband's Mother and Sister stay in touch with me and we have a good relationship. He does have another Sister and Brother that said they felt as though my Husband didn't get the care he deserved and as a result I have written them off. Neither one of them came to his Memorial service. I have finally accepted their rantings as quilt because they never did anything to help me. I am over it and I will probably never see either of them again.

My mother in law has been the best support to me she lost her husband at the exact same age as her son was when he died. She treats me wonderfully. I grew up with his brothers and sisters so I love them all and they are good to me but the brothers I was closest to ...one has a hard time being around me I make him sad and the other one came to "help" me around the house with repairs and not only charged me and didn't finish a single project but stole all of my husbands power tools while he was here. It hurt a lot but I couldn't keep the relationship with my mother in law if I said anything so I didn't. We kind of avoid each other at all gatherings. But I do love my in laws.

there is a mis of both positive and negative from my inlaws. what I am or am not doing with my money and daughter top those lists but my father in law moved to MO right before my husband dided which to me was surprising, My daughter apreciates what they do. i guess I am the exception with them in the middle.

My husband, Russ, was born and partly raised in England, so the only family he had here were his parents, one sister and one brother. His brother was killed at age 25 in a car accident, and his mother died two weeks after we became engaged. My elderly father-in-law lives in another state with Russ' sister. I absolutely adore both of them, and Russ' sister calls, e-mails, and visits whenever she can. I also receive calls and letters and cards from Russ' English family, though I've never actually 'met' most of them.

We were married 38 years, so my husband's family was my family too. I still talk to my borther-in-law almost daily and he is very supportive. If your relatives were never close when you were married to their son, it is no surprise that they have dumped you now that he is gone. Who needs people like that around anyway? Good luck. Shirley

My husband and I were married for 28 and 1/2 yrs.His family would basically keep in touch with each other. My husband had 6 siblings. There are only 2 left. My husband was the 5th sibling to pass away.It's only been 2 and 1/2 months since Robert's passing so it may be difficult to tell. My mother in law and brother in law have called a few times and I have called them as well, but I think after a while the calls will stop as it did for my cousin who is also my sister in law and was married to Robert's oldest brother.There is a sister who is estranged from the family whom we have not heard from in years.

My wife and I were married 40 years and when she died her sister
thought she would take over which she did. I will never forgive her for
what she did and I will never talk to her again and my son who had
a not good relationship with her has said he will probably not talk
to her again. I was talking to one of my friends on this site and she
said you just to have let it go.

Ted C

Laura,
I just posted something like this.. My husband's parents and brother died many years ago. Together we did not have children, but he had grown children who I got along with great and still do, the problem is I feel like they're all slipping away. I know they have their own lives and are trying to deal with George's death, but we were all so close and now they don't come over etc. It makes me feel like I'm losing him all over again.

Easy!!! Negative from the first meeting to our engagement to his illness and his death. Now I try to be pleasant and see them only when I need to take my daughter to visit. I can not let them be the sorrow/negativity in my life, I have enough of that already. PEACE

My husband died very suddenly. He slipped on an icy patch and struck his head on the pavement and suffered a major subdural hematoma. He was on life support for 6 days before he died. We had been married almost 9 years. It was a second marriage for both of us. He died intestate and had neglected to take care of his life insurance. The only money that was left was life insurance from his place of employment and I was named sole beneficiary. It is less than half of what we owed on our house. I do not earn enough money to keep up expenses and need that money. My in laws (parents and sibs) want me to give a substantial portion of that money to my late husband's children. I did give each one a nice monetary gift. They have a mother who is very much alive and who earns more than I do. They also all have their whole lives ahead of them, they are all attending top tier universities, will get married and live good lives. I do not have any college degrees, am 50 years old and am not starting out in life with a new career. I had always had (or so I thought) a good relationship with the in laws. I made their son/brother very happy for the last nine plus years of his life -- something that his ex wife was unable to do. He died a happy man. I had been blessed by his entereing my life. But now, my life is miserable and his family has been just awful to me. Money changes everything!!!

I see this subject has come up again and thought I would try to get this discussion on the front page again so everyone can see that they are NOT alone if they are having problems with in-laws. laurabp

Don's parents died before he did, but they treated my like a daughter since we first met. His sister and Don were estranged since his parents death and she never saw him although she knew he was dying, yet she showed up at the funeral. (no comment from me on that one!) His brother started coming around when he was told how sick Don was and was here with me when he passed. He came with me to spread the ashes, but not much else. Brothers wife and I talk through email. He's one of those all talk kind of guy. Sharon

Very negative. My husband had/has one brother. That's it. His dad died when he was only 3. We used to get along well, before my brother-in-law stole my mother-in-laws money via power of attorney 5 years before she died. He bought himself a house, two new cars and a motorcycle. Took several long trips (without her). Once the money was gone, he moved my mother-in-law into a step-sister's home. Mind you, the step-sister was 75 at the time, my mother-in-law, 85. He gave her $50 a MONTH. She was afraid of him and afraid to revoke the power of attorney. She called us for help when she discovered her money was gone. We wanted to move her in with us, but my husband's brother wouldn't allow it. We called Elder Abuse and let his mother know. She was happy we called...but, when they came to see her, the brother stopped by. She told them there were no problems. We sent her money several times a month. Cash through the mail. She died 4 months before my husband did. My husband hadn't spoken to his brother for several years now. Even so, I called his brother when my husband was in ICU. He drove to the hospital, stayed exactly 45 minutes and left. Didn't even come to the funeral. I don't expect to ever hear from him again.