I am lucky not to have any....did not get along with them anyway.

Tell them to pound sand and leave you alone. You are doing the best you can to get thru this and if they cannot be supportive, move on.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with that along with your own grief.

Hugs
Jen

They force you out of your home and then complain because you need meds?? Really?? It's astounding, isn't it?

My relationship with Cliff's family changed piece by piece as his parents died, then his sister tried to steal his inheritance, and we finally had to fight it out in court - we won but it was 5 years after the fact, 4 in court. Needless to say, we disowned my SIL. My BIL came to the funeral, gave a moving eulogy, and after he returned home we heard nothing. All contact was initiated by me. I have contacted him a few times, but I don't get much in return. I am debating whether to try to see him or not - we're traveling back to CA soon and it may be the last time we can do so. I have such mixed feelings about it all. Basically, I have no contact with my SIL and never will, and my own will specifically has her excluded from any contact, etc. My BIL I don't hear from, but I think I have moved beyond the bitterness about it. It didn't help me to hang onto it. I have exchanged e-mails with him once in a blue moon, and that is it.

Your in-laws don't sound like nice people. In fact, they sound toxic.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Martha just wrote the word I was thinking. Toxic. Some people are toxic, I knew that my husband's family wasn't all that supportive when I married him and really found out after he died. I stay in contact with some cousins of his that are truly good and kind people. His brother, who is his only remaining immediate family, I would not bother to even dignify by mentioning. Some times you just have to let go. It is how you survive and rebuild your life.

Val

My father in law and mother in law passed away before my husband became ill. His brother was here often in time hospice was here and we have a cordial relationship to this day. My husband and his sister were estranged for many years, but if her and I meet we are cordial. They have never judged me, at least to my knowledge, so I have no animosity with them.

I believe things became awkward with my husband gone which is normal. We have all moved on with our lives without animosity, which is good. Sharon

Don't get me started on this one . . . grrrr.

Thankfully all are in another state! We don't have contact. They didn't even bother to show up at the hospital in the last days, nor did they come to the wake. Horrible "selfish" people without respect! (Sister, BIL, nephews and nieces)

I agree with the rest . . . let them pound sand . . they are toxic. These are the kind of people we don't walk away from, we RUN from.

So sorry you have to deal with this on top of your grief. :( Just know that you are not alone.

Hugs, D

Kimmy, shortly after my husband died...that sounds crazy because it's only been a little over 5 months. Well...shortly after he died his mother said some things to me that I thought were unexceptable; I asked her about her comments and she back pedaled, never apologized, and never reached out to me after that. I had issues with her in the past because after (even before) her husband's death 10 years ago she depended on my husband to the point of sometimes making me feel like she was pulling him away from his family. And I found out that she was a liar. I have two children (11 and 13), his mother and sister contact my children through text (on my kids phones) once or twice a month, but they do not call or text me. I will say I have stopped reaching out to them due to the blow up with his mother and an argument that I had with his sister. His sister told me, among other things, that every since my husband died I have acted like I am angry. I'm going to move right pass that one because I don't want to repeat some of the things I said to her. Oh, and they moved and I don't know where they live.

Ok, I'm sorry, let me answer your question. I had to let them go, there were nights that I would go to bed angry at them and wake up with more anger related to them. They were taking too much of my energy, the energy that I need for my children, for myself, and for my grief. I know that my husband loved his mother, he could take or leave his sister, but at this point they are not helpful or healthy for me so I let them go. I still talk to his brother a couple of times a month, but as far as his mother and sister are concerned...I have nothing for them right now. Sounds harsh but that's where I am right now.

I hope things work out better for you then they have for me.

Oops...unacceptable. ; )

I havenot seen my in-laws for over 4 years; at the funeral. I have one child they have never seen and have never contacted any of my kids since that day. Very nasty to do that to little kids. What do I call the in-laws....that would burn a hole through the computer screen and for those of you that know me, my language is colorful. I have come to enjoy not having them in my life.


Maggie

Maggie, that's crazy that they have never seen their grandchild. I have a friend that told me that my mother-in-law may find it hard to talk to me or be around me because I remind her of the son she lost. So maybe that's the reason our husband's family has cut us off. I mean stopped visiting...I mean cursed our names and the day they met us...

What do you all think about that hypothesis???

I know what I think...but I'm pretty new to the group so I'll be good and simply say I disagree.

Kimmy thanks for starting this discussion. I needed to get this out. Thought I was alone in this area.

My husband's parents died before I met him.
He had 2 sisters that I loved. They were quite a bit older than him, and they both died years ago.

Kimmy, you need to remove yourself from anyone who would hurt you.
Your don't need any added stress.

Hugs,
Janie

I felt like an outsider with my in-laws while my husband was alive. They were rude, small-minded people who would gossip about me like yours do. I am not interested in knowing them now and am happy that they don't contact me. I used to refer to them as cave people because they had absolutely no knowledge about personal boundaries or what it takes to get along with others and I didn't know where to start to teach them.

Your in-laws have been beyond horrible to you. I think it would be VERY okay if you wanted nothing more to do with them.

Folks,

I have known SJ's brothers for over 35 years. They are good friends as well as just like brothers to me. We have shared many good times as well as many not so good. Raising of children, deaths and many other events. I must be blessed to have BIL's that were and remain close family to me. We talk occasionally and get together infrequently due to distances in mileage between us. SJ's older brother told me I lost my only sister and do not want to lose you in my life. You have been my friend and buddy many years.

I must be one of the lucky ones that have a great relationship with family after the loss of someone so important to all of us.

Yahoo for this! I have little of my family left living.

Hugs to all!

Dewman

I too am one of the lucky ones with wonderful in-laws. I did not want to post that for fear of further hurting people. After thinking about it though ....people should realize that your loved one's family treating you badly is not normal and it is definitely NOT okay.

You are dealing with so much right now, putting up with toxic people should not be something that adds to your grief!

I learned early on that as an in-law none of us could do anything right! I heard my mother-in-law complain about the other son and daughter in law and knew that I would not be exempt. However, when we got together all was fine on the surface. My husband and his sister got into the habit of talking to each other nearly every day the last about ten years of his life. I knew what was going on. My SIL is the type that HAS to complain about her husband and life in general to someone every day. For most of her marriage it was her mother that she complained to but then her mother was widowed and remarried and didn't have time for that any more. So the SIL gravitated to my husband. We continued talking almost daily after my husband died so I thought all was fine. THEN she came to visit after about 6 months. She was a witch, complaining about everything after I had gone to a lot of work to cook a big birthday dinner for her. You can imagine how I dealt with that at 6 months into the grieving process. It devastated me so I cut off contact with her. She initiated it again after a few months. Then my MIL put me in a difficult financial situation--too long to explain--which my BIL thankfully resolved but no one has spoken to me since. Unfriended me from Facebook and everything. I have initiated contact twice through the mail but no contact and, life is better now! So, I say, if they can't be nice, shut the door and don't look back!