Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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mclizm 05/16/2015

Today is one of those "I want my life back" days. So tired of dealing with this grief journey. I just want things to go back to the way they were. This is so unfair. Feeling lonely and sad. Missing my best friend. For whatever reason this has become one of those long weekends. Restless, yet not really motivated to do much of anything. Dwelling on how life used to be with PJ. We always seemed so busy on the weekends. Time just flew. Now I feel like I'm just waiting for the day to be over so I can go to bed. Can't believe I'm saying this but I'd almost rather be at work!! This is not living and I don't know to get back there. After 10 months the friends that were around in the early days seem to have pretty much gone back to their own lives. I don't blame them. It's just that my life came to a screeching halt. Like being sent to jail in Monopoly. I'm sitting here missing my turns while watching others continue to play the game. I'm sorry. I just need to vent to those who understand. Just give in to it, have a good cry and try again tomorrow, right? Thanks for listening guys, Liz

matoacalady 05/16/2015

I am so with you Liz......bad, bad day here too. I have tried all day but it ain't happening.

I am so tired of this journey.....

wendimac 05/16/2015

I hear you, Liz...and I totally understand. I keep waiting to 'wake up' from this supposed nightmare myself..but so far, that hasn't happened. And you're right..it IS unfair.

praised 05/16/2015

You would think I would be over this by now. Not so. It will be 22 months and I was doing so good. Then, BANG. I am almost back to the early days. I decided I was going to downsize and move into a senior residence. I have a quad level home, three bedrooms, 2 bedrooms and it is getting to e quite difficult using the 27 steps in my home. So, my daughters made appointments and we have been touring.apartments. I am through for awhile. It is depressing me, so I am taking a break. I am praying for you. It will get better. I am believing with all of you.

letmehelpyou 05/16/2015

Oh Liz: Storm against it all you want. It is unfair and it feels so wrong that the rest of the world continues on with their lives while your world is shattered. The first year was especially hard for me in this regard. All I wanted was my old life back, and I think I have said before that I spent a lot of time howling for the moon.

And yes, give in to it have a good cry and try again tomorrow. Eventually as my aunt told me, you look up and you are no longer in hell and you have built a new life for yourself out of all those baby steps you took. One step, one day at a time. It is not fair, it is not just, it is just the way it is.

Hugs,
Val

dschwartz 05/16/2015

Don't we all want our old life back? Liz . . you are so not alone and it's simply not easy to move beyond our previous life. Yes, often our friends leave us in the lurch and the weekends can seem to be endlessly devastating. However, these days alone also provide time for full on grief beyond the average work day that tends to distract. Vent, vent, vent . . we've all been there. So sorry you are down. BTW, I'm usually in bed by 8-9 p.m. . . . versus the old me, 11-1 a.m. My, how things change. I've learned to not make excuses and just go to bed whenever I feel like it. Sleep is golden. Hugs, D

SandyV1 05/16/2015

I'm having a weekend like that too, Liz. My major achievements (it's almost lunchtime on Sunday here) have been 3 loads of washing and tidying two shelves of the bathroom cupboard. I forced myself to go to church this morning when I wanted to stay in bed. Yay, me - all of my "achievements" wouldn't even have rated a mention before. They were just the bits I got through effortlessly outside of my/our real life.
Your monopoly analogy is a good one.
I hope tomorrow is better for you!
Hugs, Sandy

maryelnew 05/16/2015

yeah, I get it, it was just yesterday, I think I truely started to convince myself it was just a bad practical joke and he would be walking in the door any minute.

npc4204 05/16/2015

Liz, I understand exactly how you feel. I think I'm doing better, but something will trigger my grief and then I'm crying again.

I want my life back, too.

"Monopoly jail" ..... yep!

Rainbow27 05/17/2015

Right on Liz, the weekends seem to be the hardest. Most of my closest girlfriends are married so they are busy on weekends. I have met some people in the support group so occasionally go to a movie, etc.. I am praying it all comes together....

angiebaby100 05/17/2015

I feel the same way. It has only been 6 weeks for me and I want my life back. What do I do now? Im so lonely sitting here right now crying and listening to the song called Thinking out loud by Ed Sheeran. Its about love and growing old together. Im 43 and I will have no one to grow old with. I can't believe this has happened and I don't know what to do.

slimbear 05/17/2015

For me, the weekends are also not so great, and they start sometime on Friday.

So, Friday, with work being slow, I had time to look into meetup.com. They happened to have a single parents group. Might or might be for me, but at least I feel like I'm looking into doing..something.

perso 05/18/2015

I as well want my life back.... It all happened too fast too soon and I don't know who I am anymore. I cry for losing him and for losing us.

militeschristi 05/18/2015

amen to that. it seems like every day just drags on. I am coming on the 1 month mark and it feels like I have been in pain for months. Someone from church invited me to the singles group and I thought o crap, I am single! I did laugh once today though. that felt good.

deleted_user 05/18/2015

"SINGLE"......I don't know how to feel that way......and, who says I want to!

I want my life back too......with all it craziness and ups and downs, I'll take it back in a heartbeat!

I loved being Morey's wife, I loved belonging to someone, I loved doing absolutely nothing with HIM!

I CAN'T rearrange my thinking like a SINGLE.....I just can't!

Before Morey passed we downsized our life. We sold our huge home; 4 bedrooms 3 bathrooms. It just seemed like the smart thing to do with the children all out of the house and with lives of their own [who knew how smart that would be!] We found a great condo, on the top floor of a smaller-type building with a pool, fireplaces, two bathrooms and a huge patio......it was perfect for the times that we would leave and go traveling together. Who knew that I was going to be alone without Morey and without our plans of travel together.

I'm so glad that I didn't quit my job or I'd really be feeling the pain of loneliness.

We're ALL in this together.....taking the walk together.

Warmly,
Roz

Shrn 05/18/2015

I still think about my life as it was, but have built a new life to live. I no longer cry for the past, but carry it tucked away in my heart. You will find the way for you to live with what you struggle with now. Sharon

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