you are doing the right thing. Only you can decide what to do, it's your grief. If you want to do something in the future differently that's fine too. As said, it's your grief, not anyone elses. They can grieve the way they see fit as long as it doesn't interfere with you.

I totally agree. Do what feels right for YOU. We are all different.

I somehow could not live with my beloved husband's ashes in our house. It was clear to me within a day of bringing them home. We had agree with my daughters to have his ashes buried under the mimosa tree at the seaside place we go to every year, and we would do it when we will all be together.. Because we all live scatted around the world, we can only do it next year. in the meantime, i did not know what to do so I spoke to my eldest daughter and she understood. She asked her younger sister, and my youngest daughter was really pleased to be the custodian of her beloved father's ashes.

I could not cope with it. So you see, do how you feel is best for you. No one else matters in this instance,

All the best.

I agree. Do what is right for you....when it's right.

My husband's ashes are in a beautiful wooden box, made by one of his adoring gals [son's girlfriend]. It sits on the table by his chair...where it feels RIGHT for all our children and me. We feel secure and at peace knowing Pop is home, where he loved to be.

I'm just another bell ringing in agreement. This is a decision that you will make when you are ready and not before.

I, personally, carry my dh's ashes with me and if I'm traveling to a place where we had good memories, I sprinkle a few. I still, after 5 years, still have his urn in my bedroom and that's not going to change. It's not a big vigil area, just discreetly by my perfume and I always say good morning/night. It helps.

If there's nothing else I've learned it's that there are no rules in all of this. You make the moves when you want to, not one second before. One of the biggest fights I had was when one of my kids wanted space in a closet to store his things and started yanking out my dh's clothes. I went ballistic.

So, you're doing the right thing!

i know people who take their beloved ashes everywhere they go, even out to eat. my sister said she wanted her ashes put in same urn, then once a week, their daughter to shake the urn.....

You will know when the time is right to spread her ashes, if ever. I have a small urn with Steve's ashes in my living room on a shelf and each of the four kids also has a small urn with their dad's ashes--they each keep them in different places in their homes. The rest were in a box. It was several months after Steve's passing that I realized it was time to spread his ashes--he had said he wanted them spread over our property but I had waited and hesitated and held on to them--just didn't feel right then. Then the day came when one of our sons asked me if it wasn't time to "set him free". He didn't mean physically or spiritually--he meant symbolically--because he knew I had been conflicted and he knew I had said after the funeral that I didn't want his remains in that box forever, that he needed to be "set free". So, suddenly it felt very right. We set a date, a Sunday afternoon, and all the kids except one (whose husband wouldn't let her come--long story) came. We took turns spreading his ashes over the grounds. We actually took them in our hands and spread them by hand which is something a lot of people don't agree with--but it felt right. It was liberating and it did truly feel like setting him free--and setting my emotions about it free as well. The point is, it has to be right for you--only you will know when the time is right, if ever. Do it in your own time and if you do it do it in a place that means something to you--some place that you will always see her when you see that place. My thoughts are with you
Wanda

I couldn't agree more for you to do what feels right to you and you alone. I have my husband's ashes in a beautifully carved wooden box on our dresser. It's a jewelry box on top and his ashes underneath. I also have a necklace urn with his ashes that I wear ALL the time except when I take a shower. The necklace was entitled "journey" and it helps me that my best friend is still in the journey with me. It comforts me. When I go, my wishes will be that our ashes be joined together and then buried in the family plot back in Arkansas, but that's the future and this is now. Blessings to you on your journey

I agree with all the rest... do what is right for you. My husbands ashes are in a black container, sitting atop his beautiful"gun safe"
he was a gun collector and won this 900 lb. safe on a $ 10.00 raffle ticket. The safe sits in my diningroom, so it only make sense to me to place him there surrounded by photos of everyone who loved him soo much.

oh, I forgot to add.. he will remain here with me until my death. At that time,I will also be creamated, our ashes mixed together and my neice will make a trip to South Dakota and take a helicopter ride over the "bad lands" and spread "us".

Hi,

do what u feel is right Take your time. Scott died 8 weeks ago we had amemorial serive. i have his ashes on our dresser at our mtn/retirement home At first i was going to scatter them. that made me sad (at your mtn home that he loved so and was only 5 yrs old.) then his family came up with theidea to buid a memorial garden so this sat we will bury some of his ashes there. and i will keep some on dresser. and when i die they can mix some of my ashes with his and bury them in the garden.

I have kept those of my partner too, and when I go, I have asked that we should be buried together, under the tree I had planted in her memory. A small plaque will be affixed to the tree with just our names and dates.

I didn't want to ask a question that had already been asked, so forgive me for hijacking this one. And Drew, thanks for bringing this topic up, and for being so brave.

My wife's wishes were for me to spread her ashes in a specific area (in several different places - her choice). I told her that if it was OK with her, when that time came, I would like to hold on to them for a while before I granted her final wish. She said that would be fine.

So regarding holding on to her ashes, my question is this: How long is too long? It's going to be emotional for me if I do it in 6 months or 6 years - I know that to be true. Her body is gone, so I understand that this is more of a formality than anything else. But that was her final wish and I need to grant it.

My sister wanted our mother's ashes when she passed and she held on to them for 9 years before finally spreading them. She told me that she felt horrible that she waited so long, because it seemed disrespectful that mom was in her closet with her Christmas decorations all that time.

Thanks for your suggestions and support. And sorry Drew for hijacking your post. :-) I think it's great that you're holding on to her.

My husband wanted to be cremated and have his ashes spread over the Continental Divide. I contacted an aerial ash scattering company and planned for (some) of his ashes to be spread on Summer Solstice, this past month, the 22nd was our wedding anniversary. I knew my husband would never want to be confined, he just was always wanting to be out doing something. I purchased several beautiful small containers and had his ashes placed in them and gave these to my family and his best friends, saving a few for me to take him back to Hawaii, and other places. Yes, it isn't them, but yes, it is them. I asked my family and friends to take Ells out for a party with them, go somewhere that they really loved, maybe shared with him sometime before, have a beer or glass of wine and have a party with him for one "LAST" time. My husband would have really liked that. We also sent the remaining ashes up in a weather balloon with a sensor release on it to open and his ashes would come out at 100,000feet, yes, 100,000. He finally got to go to outer space and that was also cool.

Vicki that's awesome, and very creative. I have to be discreet about it, but your ideas are clever and, yes, he more than likely loved all of it.

You should keep them, but you should get them out of the car. What if you were in a accident, no telling where they would end up.

My husband is stilling on my fireplace mantel where he wanted to be and watch me. He only talked about it jokingly I thought. But I did it his way. I would never scatter his ashes. Unless he wanted me to.