Only on this site. So far everyone I deal with knows that my husband is gone. I hope it didn't hurt too much, but I think it would be like a knife to the heart.....againl
I hope it went well for you
Cathy

I've only said it once, and sadly it was just one week after he passed. I was walking with my children in downtown Gatlinburg where we live. Being a tourist attraction there was someone working that wanted to sell us some attractions. I was trying to say I was a local, their sign to move on and she started rattling about some great deal for married couples, pointing to my hand and saying, your married, right? To which I stammered out the words "i'm a widow". I can write it all day long. I'm a widow. Saying the words out loud...is a whole other story. I can sympathize with you and how you were feeling. Its just another reminder our loved one is not here.

Yes, and the first time or two sounded so foreign that it was hard to believe it came from my mouth---it was if the sound was coming from somewhere else. It's gotten easier as time went on--but I still don't like the sound of it. I agree it's easier to write it than actually speak it.

I have and I do.(refer to myself as a widow when it seems necessary to identify myself as such) To be honest I don't feel comfortable when people refer to me as "Steve's wife" because I am no longer a wife. It is awkward and I hope it will get easier for me and for those who try to introduce me to others. I can say that I don't walk around thinking to myself, "I am a widow, I am a widow." When Steve was alive I did not walk around thinking "I am a wife, I am a wife, I am a wife. I was just Irene and I still am. My perspective only.

My dear mother said that it was so sad that at 48 I now was a widow - such an ugly word don`t you think? This was at the memorial, and at least I had a loved one say it instead of a stranger. I do believe that it gives others such a preconceived idea of who and what we are. A label is just that.. G-

I remember that a day or so after Darrell died, I thought to myself, "I'm a widow now," and how horrible that sounded. "Widows" are supposed to be old, sad ladies. And, from that day, that's what I became.

But, I know now that I have a choice to change that definition that I've been carrying around in my head all these years. I like Irene's thought: You're not -----'s wife, or his widow; you're just (insert your first name here).

Hugs,

Terry

Haven't done that yet but saw ppl who did not know my husband was gone yesterday. Makes thing so real so sorry hun Hoe you be ok.
Huggggs

I also avoided using tbe word widow. In the beginning I felt I was still married. It made no difference to me he was gone. No one was going to convince me otherwise. I needed to believe that for my own sanity.

I also avoided the word died. I guess its part of loosing someone who is your everything. Sharon

I've never had to say that but when I needed to for business reasons like taxes on my house. I did have someone ask me last year if I was single and I just got stuck there almost couldn't say anythng all I said was yes that I was, so awkward. I really wanted to say I lost my husband but I just couldn't do it. Not an easy thing to do label yourself and it's not a pleasant one I always think people will feel sorry for me. I can't sand pity. I think it's great that you got over that awful hurdle. Stay well.

Lisa

I think I had to very early on, and to me I was both Cliff's wife and Cliff's widow - it was too confusing, which is part of why I chose Cliffskat for my screen name here - I felt like I was in this weird limbo-land - was I his wife? I felt like I was still his wife, but society said I was no longer his wife. Like Terry, I always thought widows were "little old ladies" and I didn't identify with that image. The only widow I had known closely was my mother, and she was widowed at 63. I was widowed at 50 - huge difference in my mind. It was incomprehensible to me that the word "widow" could describe me.

I have alternately been stunned, angry, sad, proud, confused, regretful, disgusted, and finally at peace with being Cliff's Widow.

To this day, though, those 5 letters don't seem adequate to convey what it really means....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

That is indeed an ugly word. It has a sad, sorrowful connotation. I like Irene's comment as to not being ___'s wife or ___'s widow, just being Irene. That is a good approach. First time for me was when I was filling out some papers in a doctor's office and it asked for marital status and all I had to do was check the box. Even just checking the box seemed surreal. So, everyone I know knows and I don't have to say the word. And people I don't know, well it's not their business. The closest I have had to come is to say "I lost my husband". In my head and heart, I am still married and will be till I die. I wear the ring proudly and will continue. But that is just me.
glors

the first time I had to hear it...I HATED IT AND WHAT IT MEANT.

Now? I wear it almost as a badge of honor. I am Greg's widow, his devoted student in life, his story teller, his watchful eye on the family....it means something very different to me now. It used to rip me up. Now I take it for what it really is to me..."Widow".....his legacy.

HUGS of undersatnding Diane

Love the badge of honor - being a widow(er) means we were loved, it means we risked intimacy, it means we lived a committed marriage. And yea, it hurts now, but I would not have given up the 19 years I had with Steve. So I will proudly walk this walk and let his love envelope me now - the sadness is the price of love.

To add to Diane's post, maybe we could add a n to the word andbe their window instead. That's how I will look at it from now on.
I love and miss him madly, Rhonda

I think the first time you utter the word "widow" is tough. I remember the first time I said the word was after the paramedics told me that they couldn't save my husband. I said to them, "I can't believe I am a widow at 40 while we were on our honeymoon." That word sounded so foreign to me. I was just getting used to being a wife.